6:10 Here we are again. Another weekend, another awards show. Three more to go: SAG (tonight), BAFTA, and then the big Kahuna, Oscar Oscar Oscar. I warn you all up front that I am live blogging tonight with a terrible toothache. I fear I need a root canal. I've heard they're very painful but having lived through so many Oscar races, I figure I've had so much psychic pain -- Crash anyone? -- that my nerve endings are probably shot anyway. Hi Tom Hooper! So, what's a little oral surgery?
Armie Hammer is a dork, an adorable dork.
What's the word for someone who is just genius at something without trying to be, an idiot savant? That doesn't sound flattering. Soooo the flattering version of that. Whatever the term is. That's what Hailee Steinfled is. Hailee is home schooled and Mean Girls taught us that that makes for smart girls, Mathletes even. Every single time she's worn something amazing and she's not repeating looks either. She looks even better tonight in a bright colorful stripey thing that only a 14 year old could pull off at a big deal Hollywood event and still make it look glam. Who are her acting heroes?
Besides Jodie Foster, Natalie Portman is somebody I've always looked up to. Diane Lane I love. I don't know I just love the fact that they love what they do. They bring such joy to their work.
The Diane Lane answer totally surprised me. She gleeks out over blonde himbo Chord Overstreet from Glee who Guiliana (from E!) then grills about his hair. He claims "I just get out of the shower and shake it." That's what I do, too!
6:20 Guilina interviews Jesse Eisenberg. Asks him 'how did you get here?'
On a airplane. It's very efficient.
Ha. Love it. He just can't play the 'I love this inane IQ free banter.' game.
6:38 They're only talking to TV stars. Not that there's anything wrong with that. "Tina" from Glee is raving about The King's Speech; AAAArrrrHHHHH, my tooth.
6:54 Guiliana just asked the guy from The Hangover* to make a sex tape. I am not making this up. (*Not Bradley Cooper though that would make more narrative sense) Jeezus woman, pull it together. At least "Stu" didn't say he loved The King's Speech. OwOwOwOW.
7:01 Sofia Vergara (Modern Family) is pointing to her breasts and just a moment ago, Guiliana was seriously hitting on Mila Kunis. She was just grilling her on the meaning of "sweet lips" from the Globes and what Mila's private nickname for Natalie is (she wouldn't say).
Then Giulina actually touched Mila Kunis. DO NOT TOUCH THE STARS WOMAN. What is happening tonight?
Is Guilana passing out invites to a key party after the show? The hell?
7:03 Sofia Vergara, who knows from horny onlookers, takes this opportunity to torture the helpless reporter. She is going on and on about how wonderful it would be to just throw on a t-shirt over your breasts and not have to wear a bra. She keeps pointing out her breasts, circling them even with her hands as if we don't already understand their glorious roundness.
The camera cuts away before Guilana passes her a key.
7:14 This SAG Red Carpet Arrival is brought to you by X-Men First Class. They've mentioned it like 4 times already (Jennifer Lawrence, January Jones, someone else. Who ISN'T in it?). Claire Danes looks amazing in Louis Vitton. But E! owns stock in Glee obviously. One gets the sense that even if Angelina Jolie walked up they'd shove her off frame for a cutaway to one of Glee's tertiary characters.
7:22 I worry that live blogging is dead in the age of Twitter. Actually Ding Dong you know. Twitter IS easier.
7:27 Natalie Portman just listened to...
- Giuliana's "sweet lips" obsession.
- a discussion of how expensive her jewelry is
- A list of baby name suggestions. "Bunny" was one of them.
- And then a reiteration of her heterosexuality (due to her baby bump. Get it?)
I'm dying to know what you think Natalie was thinking. TELL ME.
7:29 Hilary Swank tells E! where she works out. And how many days a week she's there (four and she works out "hard"). Yikes. I didn't write it down or anything but I hope she doesn't have stalkers.
7:31 Nicole Kidman is wearing an odd dress. But honestly she looks really happy so I am happy for her even if she's going to get dinged on the worst dressed list.
7:38 And now just to surprise you I am pairing two people you'd think I'd never pair together. Here you go.
Nicole discusses her baby. Hilary discusses her workout routine.
7:50 Tooth pain reaching excruciating levels. And I keep going to the comments like your words contain novocaine but there are NO WORDS. In my weaker moments I'm as hard for comments as Lea Michele is for the cameras (seriously. STOP posing. Relax! you are famous. I promise you. I swear it on my life.) or Giulana is for a Natalie & Mila threesome.
7:54 Things Josh Duhamel Loves.
- Christian Bale in The Fighter
- Black Swan -- everything about Black Swan
- and... THE KING'S SPEECH
OWWWWWW. The King's Speech is my trigger. Josh Duhamel wants you to know that he also loves the movie. Curse you Josh.
7:56 Somehow in my pain I missed talking about Christina Hendricks goth look or Helena Bonham-Carter talking about those shoes again. That was such a canny move on her part. Notice how much press she got from it. More press than Mila got from "Sweet Lips" even.
THE SHOW
8:00
8:06 I passed out. In my head.
8:07 BEST ACTOR, TV DRAMA Steve Buscemi. Oh no... he's reading. I'm all for literacy but it should be banned from awards shows. Up with illiteracy. Ohmygod The Boyfriend just asked me if Steve Buscemi is married to the Desperate Housewife. "You know, the transsexual one." Ha. He is so clueless about celebrities. No honey, that's just... no.
This is not the droid bug eyed actor you're looking for.
8:10 Oh no. I think I just cursed Mark Ruffalo. He was having trouble reading his teleprompter as he and Annette Bening introduce The Kids Are All Right. I want that to win tonight so bad. But I know it shan't. Life is cruel. As are impending root canals.
8:12 I love CLIPS-- The lack of clips is the only way in which the Golden Globes suck.
8:14 BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA TV Julianna Marguiles wins for The Good Wife. Lovely speech. I love it when actors get so specific about their costume designers and set decorators and what not. She knows who makes her look good.
8:22 BEST DRAMA SERIES BOARDWALK EMPIRE. I always find it weird when they let the lead actor do the accepting for series wins. Shouldn't it be a supporting player? When a new show wins big I always wonder if it's because it's a shiny new toy to play with or because it deserves it. Or at least I wonder this when I haven't seen the show in question.
8:28 A Commercial Montage. Is there anything more redundant?
8:29 Amy Adams clip for The Fighter is STELLAR. That's such a great scene. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS goes to Melissa Leo in The Fighter
8:32 Melissa Leo's speeches are doing exactly what speeches are supposed to do in the tv series that is awards season. Each show is the new episode and if you don't keep rooting for people they're in danger of being booted off the competition. Here's what she said.
Amy and Christian congratulate Melissa Leo
Thank you so much. Oh my god. I'm much better when I have my words written for me and somebody's costumes to put on like Mark Bridges beautiful outfits. But when he showed me the outfits on the hanger I thought 'I don't think so.' This has been an extraordinary season fo rme. I am so proud to be a part of The Fighter. I'm here tonight with six of the seven girls who played my daughters in the film. Thank you girls. Thank you for helping me get a man I could bring home with me tonight.
Words can't express my thrill that the daughters came along. And god I love it when awards shows help us along in our sick anthropomorphization of inanimate bronze statues.
8:43 BEST COMEDY ACTOR, TV Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock.
5th Consecutive win. Amy Poehler's "and the winner is..." was priceless. It went...
And the best actor in this category according to some people as of tonight is...
Hee when The King's Speech wins the Oscar they should say something similar li--- OOOOOWOOWWWWWWW OWWWW. Damnit. Novocaine? anyone anyone?
8:46 I think Alec Baldwin was a little embarrassed to win again.
8:47 BEST COMEDY ACTRESS, TV Betty White "Hot in Cleveland"
Have any of you seen that show. It's shhhhh quiet voices. Terrible. It feels like it was made in the late 70s or early 80s. Laugh track and everything. At least Betty knows why she's winning. Hilarious line:
You didn't applaud when I turned 40!
She also felt up the statue. Dirty old ladies. Never gets old.
8:52 I don't have the energy for this tonight damnit. I blame you Royal Stutterer. You know who you are. Apologies to anyone still reading.
8:53 Angie Harmon has raided Penelope Cruz's Oscar closet. Seriously. Grand Theft Feathers. She only died it a little pinker. It's so pink.
"Prettttttttty"
Or maybe not. It's kind of knock-offish. She even wore the same hair.
8:58 BEST ENSEMBLE COMEDY goes to Modern Family.
So very deserving. What a great show that is. Notice that SAG's giant genital area has sided with Sofia Vergara's massive breasts of which she is very proud. Somewhere Guiliana of E! is touching herself.
8:59 I'm sorry but this is not right. They're even showing commercials for The King's Speech during the commercials of the show that's honoring The King's Speech. Will they play Alexandre Desplat's score in my ears while they drill into my mouth and make me part cyborg will newly made parts?
9:00 "Sweet Lips" and the Swan Queen introduce Black Swan. We are reminded again that it's a really weird nominee for this particular award. Barbara Hershey seems uncomfortable. Why wasn't she on stage too?!
AND WHERE IS WINONA RYDER?
Or was she there and through the fog of pain I couldn't see her?
9:04 Lifetime achievement for Ernest Borgnine of "Marty" and 'I wont' watch Brokeback Mountain' fame. This will give me time to read your comments.
9:18 Robin Wright Penn was presenting something but I got so distracted by how sexy she looked I totally forgot what was happening all around me. If this is what leaving Sean Penn does to your sex appeal, I MUST dump him.
9:22 The Social Network boys came out to present their film and there was curiously little applause. This chill in the room regarding that film. Am I imagining it?
9:23 Oh now I remember MINISERIES. Al Pacino wins BEST ACTOR (He's not there) and Claire Danes wins BEST ACTRESS for Temple Grandin. Rosario Dawson shouts out Claire Danes like it's a freaking surprise. Why do we have 20 awards shows when there's so little variation on who wins? WHY? WHY? WHY?
9:27 P.S. During this whole Claire Danes moment this is how Winona Ryder reacted to her own clip: TOTAL embarrassment. It makes me love her more.
The only thing that would have made that moment better were if she had added an 80s perfected eyeroll to that lip curl and sideways glance like "i made that? Yeesh" look.
I already love Noni more than is healthy proportionately to her filmography if you know what I'm sayin'. This made it worse. By which I mean better.
9:29 Claire Danes remind us that she made Little Women with Noni & Susan Sarandon. Danes ends her speech by saying.
Thank you to my favorite man, my favorite husband, my Hugh.
She has more than one husband? But Hugh is damn loveable so we get it.
9:32 In memoriam so sad. Wow that was a buzzkill... and they haven't even lowered The King's Speech bomb yet. This night is gonna get rough.
9:39 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR Christian Bale in The Fighter.
The real Dicky Eklund joins him on stage. On acting...
I find people fascinating. As long as you can do that each project seems like something new.
9:44 BEST ACTRESS Rumer Willis in...
Oh no wait, that's NATALIE PORTMAN in Black Swan. Sorry, that was such a weird screenshot but I couldn't get any good ones for some reason.
The pain The pain. Not from Natalie.
9:53 I think I have to accept that Nicole Kidman's dress is uglyl. Sorry NK. She's about to give BEST ACTOR to Colin Firth in The King's Speech.
I have to thank security for letting me into the building.
9:55 I have to keep reminding myself through the stabs of pain that The King's Speech is enjoyable and while I was watching it I did not hate it and Helena Bonham-Carter makes me happy in general. In fact, in a stab of pain about 20 minutes ago it suddenly came to me that Helena starred in a movie aeons ago that woudl be so helpful right now. So whenever they show her I shall just pretend the movie is Novocaine.
Novocaine.
That's what I need.
BEST ENSEMBLE to THE KING'S SPEECH.
The applause is so loud and boisterous you'd think THE KING'S SPEECH just singlehandedly negotiated the SAG/AFTRA merger and everyone got huge raises and back royalties.
I feel bad for The Social Network boys and The Fighter crazies and the Kids Are All Right lovelies. I was hoping Helena would speak but I guess Geoffrey is the one who started with the movie so that's appropriate.
9:58 They say that actors vote for the film they'd most like to be in. So there you go. They'd like to have tea with Helena Bonham-Carter. Who wouldn't? But I still don't really get it. Wouldn't it be more fun to hang out ringside in The Fighter? Actors are anglophiles so before we vote on the Oscars couldn't we stuff them with tea and crumpets and get it out of their system so that The Social Network can win the Prize to End All Prizes? No? It's Over for TSN? God, you're so mean. Lie to me won't you?
10:01 OWOWOWOW.
Night.