Perhaps it's my childhood calling but I've been looking forward to We Bought A Zoo all year on account of me likey the wild animals. I even initially thought it might be in the Oscar race on account of inspirational film and comeback possibilities for its director. But that was then... We finally have a trailer for Cameron Crowe's first movie since everybody decided to shun him (Elizabethtown) just a few short years after everyone decided that they worshipped him (Almost Famous). In the new film Matt Damon plays a widower (I think? It's unclear) struggling to raise his kids from central casting: let's call them Quippy Cute Moppet and Mopey Teenager In Need Of Fathering. The family is sad and needs a fresh start. They buy... wait for it... A ZOO!
Now, let's break it down with our patented Yes, No, Maybe So system. Does the trailer make us eager, eager to avoid or leave us somewhere inbetween?
YES
- Matt Damon is aging gracefully, still handsome and still a belieavable everyman type. He'll undoubtedly be sympathetic as a widower with needy kids.
- Wild Animals! Wild animals that don't dream of hanging out at TGIF with Kevin James. If you couldn't picture yourself jumping up and down with glee (ages 8 and under) when you heard that your new house is a zoo just like Quippy Cute Moppet you have grown way too cynical.
- Damon + Thomas Haden Church + Elle Fanning + Scarlett Johansson = solid starry blonde cast.
- Wait... is Scarlett Johansson playing a real person this time? Like not an idealized muse but an ordinary woman?
NO
- Ugh. Turns out that Quippy Cute Moppet is a signatory to Hollywood's Mandatory Dissing of Bald Men Act. Haters gon' hate.
- Ugh. Turns out that it's yet another movie that buys into America's dullard hatred of Elitist Education and Actual Job Training in favor of Blind Worship of Chutzpah. Just Do It! "You don't need any special knowledge to run a zoo, just a lot of heart"... uhhhhh, don't you need some specialized knowledge of how to care for LIVING WILD ANIMALS ?! I'm guessing: yes. Heart won't help you if the animals have a toothache or a pregnancy!
- The music chosen for the trailer (bonus point to the first person who names it in the comments) is shorthand for Inspirational Underscore.
- So too is the golden hue and pensive sunlight shorthand for Inspirational Film.
- So too are the constant inspirational pep talks shorthand for Inspirational Pep Ta... uh, well.
- Will there be any single beat in this movie that isn't flat and processed and predictably shaped like a slice of American cheese?
- Is that moment that Matt Damon is all "whoa" with his body when he hears the lion roar, straight out of Amateur Slapstick 101 or is this trailer's editing just completely unforgiving?
- "I want them to have an authentic American experience." I hope Matt isn't talking about raising his kids within a zoo because I've never met anyone who grew up in a non-figurative one.
- Let me guess, Mopey Teenager In Need of Fathering falls in love with Elle Fanning? Is this going to be a distracting subplot in order to have something for everyone ala that high school crush thread in Crazy Stupid Love?
Little Known Fact: Excessive Exposure to Bathetic Platitudes and Inspirational Media Causes MigrainesMAYBE SO
- Though it looks insufferably like a Generic Inspirational Family Film with wild animals as merely decorative distraction, who knows. Trailers are meant to appeal to the widest possible audience.
- Maybe the bear eats Quippy Cute Moppet?
The "No" column is awfully robust, I fear.
Where do you fall with this one? Or on Cameron Crowe in general actually? Tell me you at least love wild animals.