Arrivals and the Show, All Live-Blogged. Excuse Typos. Things Happen Fast
06:05 This does not bode well, the first arriving guest is a Nina Somebody from The Vampire Diaries who is quite possibly the most boring celebrity I have ever seen interviewed on the red carpet. She had so much airtime to say interesting or funny or quippy or diva things -- trust that you can spin those inane "who are you wearing? can you believe you're here at the emmys?""your career is hothothot" right now volleys whichever way you want. And it was all blah-blah-blah-blah-blah as if pre-recorded and lazily lip-synched to on the red carpet. And when Blake Lively is your aspirational figure that you'll have to work very very hard to deserve a like career. Wow. Let's move on. Please we must. But commercials.
Last year my Oscar dress was amazing. But tonight I wanted to be comfy."
06:15 Celebrities with personalities! Kat Deeley (sp) Lea Michele Taraji P. Henson. Sarah Hyland. Much better. Here's Lea braggin but her Oscar dress while wearing something she claims is comfy but in which she is clearly corseted like Scarlett O'Hara grabbing a bedpost. COMFY!
06:20 Sarah Hyland just had her I'M REALLY A NICE PERSON I SWEAR moment while explaining that she meant no harm when she did an impression of Lea Michele on an episode of Fashion Police. I've heard about this non-scandal but the real scandal is that E! is trying to pretend that that most famous of editorial poses -- elbow jutted out exagerrate contrapposto -- is LEA MICHELE's. I love my Rachel Berry but she wasn't even conceived yet when super-models started doing that.
6:28 I really am not a Rainn Wilson fan but his carpet banter was funny. His TV crushes?
"The entire cast of Mad Men and the naked Dothraki girl who eats the stallion heart."
Hee.
6:30 Less funny was Paula Abdul's typical spaciness. She said "blueberries" when she meant "blue balls". Even if she'd gotten the word right, is that what you want to talk about on the red carpet?
6:38 Darren Criss's nose should be growing like Pinnochios. He hasn't really even thought about whether or not the Glee cast is graduating this year. Uh, yeah.
6:40 I just caught sight of what looks like a VERY unusual dress on Julianne Marguiles which will undoubtedly get her tons of attention. Will snap a photo as soon as I can. A giant white cylindrical cheese grater?
6:49 DAMNIT. I was wrong. It is not thick plastic with circular cut-outs but regular old white fabric with big circular looking jewels. Less insane than expected and therefore much uglier. Christina Hendricks on the other hand is bang on beautiful. YUM YUM YUM.
6:54 Charlize Theron's new "Dior Commercial" is crazy glam explosion and she is ridonculously hot. Like molten hot. If she had been around in Golden Age Hollywood she would have been an enormous star. But Hollywood doesn't understand In Movie Glamour anymore. Only red carpet glamour. Charlize should be looking that good IN a movie.
6:58 This happened awhile ago but I am still haunted...
I bet that's how Ryan kisses all the girls.
7:07 Evan Rachel Wood... outed as Justin Beiber fan.Wasn't Marilyn Manson enough for us to process?!
7:11 Elisabeth Moss is wearing Marchesa which Lea Michele will not be happy about as she tried to claim at as hers alone. Like the ancient editorial model pose.
7:14 The continued existence of Two and a Half Men is the Living Embodiment of America's Slow Couch Death.
7:15 I want someone to give an acceptance speech. yes, i know they're still outside the building #awardswithdrawal
7:19 Now is the time of my first fatigue (this will happen again) so please to enjoy these hilarious tweets from other people like Jarett Weiselman, Jesse Taylor, Alex Cassimaty, Libby Hill and Manuel Betancourt
7:27 Betty White to Ryan Seacrest about who she is wearing.
Oh I'm wearing a put together from a little shop that I favor called The Back of My Closet.
Betty White is so delightful that when she speaks I forget about all the ubiquity and my ubiquity allergies to anyone.
7:31 Gwyneth Paltrow is "already a winner". Gwyneth admits she's missing a few awards for the EGOT. Actually only two. Two is not a few. Go get 'em Gwynnie.
7:37 Heidi Klum is the second person wearing Christian Sirriano. His career must be FIERCE. Do you think he still says once a sentence? Meanwhile Monty (pictured left) is NOT amused by the Emmys. He does not care who you are wearing only that you are wearing something because human skin is gross.
7:39 Charlize Theron's 90 second "film" is airing again. This reminds me of her role in Woody Allen's CELEBRITY? Remember that? She was good in that misfire... and the only good thing about The Curse of the Jade Scorpion.
7:41 Is it weird that I resent John Krasinski for marrying Emily Blunt?
7:46 I will check in on the comments to see what you're saying now. You said something, right?
7:53 The Jaded (But Still Marvelous) Kate Winslet
I always panick an hour before. And then when you get here you realize. It's just a carpet. I've done this before."
7:57 They're promising more from the carpet? NO.... let...
THE SHOW BEGINS
8:02 Leonard Nimoy to Jane Lynch in the pre-opening skit "to men you're womanish, to women you're mannish." Hee. My favorite part of this opening musical number is "magical elves fill the air with laughter". Yes, MAKE SO MUCH FUN OF LAUGH TRACKS THAT THEY ARE SHAMED OUT OF EXISTENCE. The Mad Men break in the song. very funny Love the ending gag about fast-forwarding through commericals.
8:07 Only seven minutes to get to the actual stage! The Emmy Awards are 63 years old.
8:11 Long montage about Comedy. I thought I watched too much TV this year but I didn't recognize a lot of that. Yay, I am still a snob!
8:13 BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, COMEDY Julie Bowen, Modern Family
You know one of our brilliant readers made a firm case as to why she should win and I will remember who it is (by which I mean look it up) after the show. But she is marvelous on that show in a tricky role that could have been much flatter. Yay!
8:18 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, COMEDY Ty Burrell, Modern Family
I love him. I even love him in his dour thankless roles in movies where he plays like the clueless dull boyfriend/husband (Fur, The Incredible Hulk). I didn't think he was going to totally pull off that speech with a running gag about going to work in full makeup but he did. Yay! (Yay! is my general feeling when watching Modern Family hence the Yays!)
8:28 BEST DIRECTOR, COMEDY Michael Spiller, Modern Family It's going to be one of those nights, eh? Will Mad Men join it in the sweepings in its sister category?
8:33 BEST WRITING, COMEDY Steve Levitan and Jeffrey Richman, Modern Family So my Twitter feed is full of disgruntled people who don't think Modern Family is all that. I shall readily admit that I'm always sad for Parks and Recreation on Emmy night because they get better every year and still no love.
8:41 Charlie Sheen is even more useless when he's being serious and nice.
8:42 BEST ACTOR, COMEDY Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory. Weird to see a repeat in Steve Carell's last year?
8:50 Amy Poehler kicked off literally the funniest thing I've ever seen at the Emmys. As funny as the best episodes of Parks & Recreation or Modern Family as she ran up to the stage the second her name was read (as a nominee).
All the other ladies followed until one was crowned. Hilarious. If Oscar's Upcoming Best Actress category is this quality we can be really happy in February.
BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids. No, that's not a typo ;)
9:00 I wish I had just typed 10:30
9:07 I just missed like seven minutes of reality something or other other than that AMAZING RACE won again? Ohmygod the Emmy voters. Are they fossilized? Did their DVRs break?
9:08 oooh grrrl. They cut Marlene Dietrich from the short version of the Dior Charlize commercial but Marilyn and Grace got to stay #ClassicStarCatFight
9:14 Musical number that I'm not following at all -- Michael Bolton is playing Jack Sparrow on the Emmys? -- but people seem to be enjoying it. Maya Rudolph in the house. It IS a Bridesmaids night.
9:22 oops. lost the liveblog thread again. Enjoy these tweets I enjoyed from others like Jarett again, Matthew Belloni, Brice Sander and our friend Joe Reid.
9:29 I'm bored and it's like they're handing me a sedative, Two and a Half Men again? To announce Drama.
9:30 BEST WRITING, DRAMA, Jason Katims, Friday Night Lights YESSSSSSSS. I would tear up but clear eyes, (full heart can't lose)
9:31 BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA Margo Martindale, Justified. Sad for Christina Hendricks but I hear she is great on this show and she usually is, Million Dollar Baby excepted. But I will always think of Paris when I see Margo Martindale "Carol, I Love You"
9:41 BEST DIRECTOR , DRAMA Martin Scorsese, for Being Martin Scorsese. No, that's not a typo. First Emmy for Marty. But he'll never EGOT unless he suddenly takes up singing.
9:43 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones. He's the best part of the show so good on him. Though I guess this means that the brilliant John Slattery will never win for Mad Men. (sigh). This award was presented by Kerry Washington who is the prettiest. Pretty pretty pretty prettier prettiest.
9:50 It occurs to me that they are saving Kate Winslet for last.
9:53 I feel like Katie Holmes is dutifully trotted out at every show but no producer could ever articulate why.
9:55 BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA Juliana Marguiles, The Good Wife
So pissed on behalf of Tami Taylor/Connie Britton right now.
10:00 BEST ACTOR, DRAMA KYLE CHANDLER, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.
OH MY GOD
I need a moment.
clear eyes full hearts can't lose
10:05 ...unless your names are Michael C Hall and Jon Hamm. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. As much as I love awards shows unless the voting body is TOTALLY on top of their game and strategic (which they can't be since it's 1000s of people with different agendas), someone gets the shaft for brilliant performances. And there is really no way in a just world of acting honors that Michael C Hall's Dexter, Jon Hamm's Don Draper and Kyle Chandler's Coach Taylor all shouldn't have Emmys for such iconic creations.
10:10 Slyest joke of the night from Jane Lynch
A lot of people are curious why I'm a lesbian. Ladies and gentleman, the cast of Entourage!
10:11 BEST WRITING, MINISERIES Julian Fellowes Downton Abbey
Weird speech, actually. Is it proper to thank the Emmy Academy by reminding them that their sibling Oscar also awarded you?
10:12 SUPPORTING ACTRESS, MINISERIES Maggie Smith For Being Maggie Smith (in Downton Abbey)
She really is better at being Maggie Smith than anyone else ever!
10:18 LEAD ACTOR, MINISERIES Barry Pepper for something.... i somehow got behind.
10:19 DIRECTOR MINISERIES, Brian Percival, Downton Abbey
Oh. Todd Haynes never wins anything. (sigh)
10: 24 In Memoriam. always so sad i have totally lost all liveblogging energies. must refind for the final stretch...
10:33 SUPPORTING ACTOR, MINISERIES Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
One for Mildred at last.
This was a delightful experience making Mildred Pierce. I got to have sex with Kate Winslet many many times.
He even used the word "insert" later on. LOL. Well he was quite the inserter in that show you have to admit.
10:38 BEST ACTRESS, MINISERIES Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
You know I made a joke about Kate being jaded earlier but she seemed awfully green about winning, like she couldn't believe she'd ever win anything. and like she'd never won anything before. My goodness.
Time for more apt comments from other people which is kind of like a bathroom break for me -- here's Louis Virtel, tapeworthy, Andrew Goldstein, and Megan Smith.
10:45 BEST MINISERIES Downton Abbey
Happy about this. Addictive television.
10:47 The Cooler reunion with Maria Bello and William H Macy here to announce Drama Series
BEST DRAMA SERIES Mad Men
I really thought they were going to lose as, like, punishment for not being on the air when they're supposed to be. But Season 4 was such a brilliant season. Like more brilliant than we expected and we expect a lot of that show. Sad that Emmy voters never understand how revelatory the performances in that show are, though.
10:55 Strange to save this for last as its so anticlimactic
BEST COMEDY SERIES Modern Family
And that's all.
But don't you wanna know what Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler were whispering to each other when Gwyneth Paltrow walked on stage with that bizarre midriff dress? I know I do. Try to guess in the comments.
Nite!