Amir here. For no other reason than to celebrate one of the year’s funniest films -- consider it a Golden Globe FYC -- here’s a top ten list of Melissa McCarthy’s line readings in The Heat.
Rewatching the film, you notice that the humor is much more dialogue based in the first half and situational in the second, but it’s consistently hilarious. If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re in for a ride. Without further ado:
10. I got it on eBay. It was supposed to be bigger and different. I’m gonna bad-feedback his ass up.
Yes, one of these items is what she’s talking about!
9. I am balls deep in boredom.
Undeniably the most quotable line in the film.
8. I’ll shut the door on you. Will you lay down here and put your head in the door? And I’ll slam it about a hundred fifty thousand fucking times.
Sure, the trailer gave this one away, but that doesn’t take anything away from how funny this first interaction between the two ladies is in the film.
7. Buddy, do you not hear how pathetic everything out of your mouth sounds? I mean, there’s a girl out there for you but it’s not me. Maybe it’s her. Her lady business is like an old dirty attic full of broken Christmas lights and doll shoes and shit. Why don’t you clean that out for her?
To which Sandra Bullock duly replies: “That’s a misrepresentation of my vagina!”
6. When this, your big flappin’ mouth, starts running and then you put this getup on top of it and it’s just… it’s just a boner killer.
5.
McCarthy: Jesus! What are those?
Bullock: They’re my spanx. They hold everything together.
McCarthy: Why? What’s gonna come fuckin’ poppin’ out?
Bullock: Nothing. It just keeps everything where it’s supposed to be.
McCarthy: Medically?
Bullock: No, not medically. Just where it’s supposed to be.
McCarthy: You gotta vent that furnace!
4. He was trying to move on. He had a job interview. I saw the resume. It was a terrible resume. He mentioned prison; and special skills he said “keepin’ it real”, but he was trying.
3. Okay. Here we go: it’s not you, it’s me. I’m still working on myself, so I can’t be a part of two until I’m a better one. Wait, my favorite’s coming: you make me wanna be a better woman.
McCarthy’s faux blasé attitude in this scene… just bloody precious.
2. Don’t play that race bullshit card with me. Nine out of ten guys I fuck are black.
"I’m not racist, my best friend is [insert race]" is the oldest trick against accusations of racism. McCarthy’s absurdly vulgar take on that cliché is anything but generic.
1. Are you okay? Cause you look really pale?
The sincerity with which McCarthy expresses concern totally catches the audience off-guard. I paused for a minute until the reverse shot showed the albino police officer. That “oh…” moment makes it the funniest moment bit in the film. It sure would be nice if the Golden Globes would taken notice of an actual comedic performance in an actual comedy, but they seem less interested in that these days, which is a real shame. Don't you think?