08:29 3...2...1...
08:36 We began with a big musical number "Moving Pictures" with Neil Patrick Harris, Anna Kendrick, and Jack Black. Some of the audience likes it more than others.Keira Knightley and her date look at each other and laugh. Some of the opening monologue is funny... but why do jokes about Oprah always come across so awkward. David Letterman 'you got your Oprah in our Uma Thurman!' and now NPH equates Oprah with American Sniper. "cuz you're rich"
08:46 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR GOES TO J.K. SIMMONS
He never mentions the movie or anything. Puzzling. Just talks about his wife and "above average kids" - people still laugh at that line despite the sweeping of the precursors and that he's used it each time. Tells us to call our parents. My mom would not believe it if I called during the Oscars. She'd think someone died.
Neil Patrick Harris tries to make us believe he's an Oscar nerd with an elaborate bit which IS NOT A BIT about his predictions locked up on stage. He puts Octavia Spencer in charge of watching them.
08:48 Clips from Grand Budapest Hotel and American Sniper the double feature you never knew you wanted introduced by the star you never knew would introduce them Liam Neeson
08:50 Dakota Johnson introduces Adam Levine singing "Lost Stars"
08:55 BEST COSTUME DESIGN - Milena Canonero for Grand Budapest Hotel
Appropriately she's in the box seats because she's a very honored guest. Four wins in four different decades. She's the Cher of the Oscars! Only Italian. And probably wouldn't wear see-through gowns or backless pants.
09:01 BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING -Frances Hannon & Mark, The Grand Budapest Hotel
text
09:03 NPH introduces Channing Tatum like a boss, by drooling on him. "As likeable as a male stripper as he is in a wresting singlet".
09:06 Commercial Break. Jennifer Hudson will perform soon. Do you think she told Meryl Streep what she was going to perform? What else would they talk about. #seatingarrangements
09:10 BEST FOREIGN FILM - Poland's Ida directed by Pawel Pawlikowski
Nicole Kidman and Chiwetel Ejiofor present. It's like the animatronic version of Nicole we get sometimes but she looks just smashing. Pawel Pawlikowski
09:13 I think Shirley Maclaine just read one of the directions from the teleprompter "Next Nominee" She's introducing clips from Boyhood and Theory of Everything and Birdman. Triple features. Birdman makes me laugh so much. I dont care that everyone suddenly hates it.
Why don't I have any self respect.
You're an actress, honey?
09:17 Awkward bit about seat-fillers. NPH is stumbling tonight. Which iis strange because he's usually so good at this
.
09:19 EVERYTHING IS AWESOME ! Fun performance. Best bit might be the Batman "Darkness" song interjection. Why are streamers at the end of numbers always so festive? Traditions. I would like to formally request footage of all unused reaction shots from that Everything Is Awesome performance. Especially Clint, Marion, Dakota Johnson
09: 25 LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM The Phone Call
Somehow I am 100% on my predictions so far. LOL. That won't last.
09:29 DOCUMENTARY SHORT Crisis Hotline
two films about suicide hotlines won! And there goes my 100% prediction rate. It's all downhill from here.
09:30 Viola Davis shows clips from the Honorary Oscars!
09:40 At some point in here Gwyneth Paltrow introduced Tim McGraw singing a lame version of "Not Going to Miss You." I previously liked the song.
09:44 I am so sick that I don't know how long I can keep this up so forgive me if there are huge gaps. We'll have time to discuss all of this in detail all week long BWAAA HAHHHHAAAAAHA THE OSCARS YOU CAN NEVER BE RID OF THEM.
Acting is a noble profession."
09:47 Yes, Neil Patrick Harris went there in a Birdman / Whiplash spoof running around backstage in undies with drum score. Cut to Miles Teller playing drums. Didn't the Indie Spirits do this last night?
09:48 SOUND MIXING - Whiplash / SOUND EDITING - American Sniper
I can't believe I called those two awards correctly.
09:51 SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Jared Leto presents. Funny joke about state law requiring Meryl Streep to get a nomination. They picked a different clip for Arquette than the usual. Well done. Mic drop! Patty Arquette chucks the usual speech at the end for a feminist rant. Equal pay for women! Jennifer Lopez and Meryl Streep are practically speaking in tongues from their seats. Feeling the spirit.
❤️ “@kateyrich: It makes no sense to seat these two next two each other but god love whoever did it.” pic.twitter.com/ceznRdqaDy
— Nathaniel Rogers (@nathanielr) February 23, 2015Emma Stone winning by losing. // RT @josekicksass: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/mN4SQcTgDm
— Nathaniel Rogers (@nathanielr) February 23, 201510:01 Rita Ora performs "Grateful" Her dress is what would happen if Diane Keaton were a young hip hop artist
10:05 VISUAL EFFECTS - Interstellar
I keep waiting to do horribly on my predictions but not yet. That'll come later I suppose. Interstellar was beautifully crafted but I'm sorry. What do the Planet of the Apes team have to do to win that fucking fx Oscar. For real y'all it's ridiculous that they've lost twice now.
10:10 ANIMATED FEATURE - Big Hero 6
Okay I messed up that prediction but I'm glad because I prefer this one to How to Train Your Dragon 2. Though neither of them made my animated feature ballot (which is smaller than Oscars because 5 nominees is crazy when there are only 20 movies!) There's a lot of sappy parental love tonight. I'm sure there always is but I'm sick so I'm noticing it more. Mommy, make me some chicken soup. Mommy, can I have some juice.
10:18 Due to Big Hero 6's win it is time to confess that I am madly in love with Tadashi and I wish the whole movie was about him.
Only that movie would not be appropriate for children.
10:20 PRODUCTION DESIGN - GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
YAS.
10:30 CINEMATOGRAPHY - Emmanuel Lubezki, Birdman
Jessica Chastain introduces the category. I need an mp3 of Jes saying "Chiiiiiivo" when she opens the envelope. She's so happy for her Tree of Life DP.
10:31 Meryl Streep. Great choice to introduce the In Memoriam "we'll miss them with the same sadness we miss an old friend. But their work will stand..."
[cry break]
Jennifer Hudson sings "can't let go". But did they really leave Joan Rivers out of that compilation?
10:45 EDITING - Tom Cross, Whiplash
Well deserved Oscar. The movie is filled with similar scenes and he keeps the energy up constantly. No easy task.
10:50 DOCUMENTARY - Citizen Four
Jennifer Aniston and David Oyelowo, two of the most high profile "snubs" of the year present.
11:15 SOUND OF MUSIC TRIBUTE starring Lady Gaga but the best part was Julie Andrews coming out at the end to present the next award
11:26 ORIGINAL SCORE - Alexandre Desplat, The Grand Budapest Hotel
I would be typing more but I am about to collapse. I am in so much pain. Robert Yeoman stopped by on his way to the Oscars to snap this photo of my throat.
[incoherent groans from pain]
Normally I am not one of those people who complains about the Oscars being too long. But because I am sick I really would like to sleep. And also the ceremony kind of peaked with the Selma performance.
11:34 ADAPTED SCREENPLAY, Graham Moore for The Imitation Game
Oprah Winfrey presents to Graham Moore. He talks about passing a message of hope on and relates a story about attempted suicide.
11:40 BEST DIRECTOR, Alejandro G Inarritu for Birdman
Ben Affleck is sleep-presenting. Seriously wake up dude. Inarritu's speech is kind of great, moving from saucy humor (he's wearing Michael Keaton's tighty whitties) to a moving speech about art and ego and the fuitlity of competition in art and acknowledgement that all of these films will be judged by time.
12:00 BEST ACTOR Eddie Redmayne, Theory of Everything
BEST ACTRESS Julianne Moore, Still Alice
BEST PICTURE Birdman
I am overcome with joy. And I will have to try and deal with all of the feelings tomorrow but most sleep as the Theraflu kicks in. I apologize for not making it all the way through sufficiently or in the proper headspace. I must end by thanking Julianne Moore for 20 years of work that has meant so much to so many people, including of course myself.
Good night.
p.s. final thought. funny that wes anderson and damien chazelle were thanked most often tonight but neither won.