Chris here, to help you finally digest the shock ending of the Oscarcast, even if Meryl is still frozen in place. And maybe we can get the jokes out of your system as well.
By now we've all dissected crowd photos and video footage of the stunned response of famous people in the crowd like it was our own little Oscar Zapruder film. But if there's a silver lining moment for Moonlight's moment being a bumpy one (the history books will always honor it, remember) it's all of the delicious face we were served, from a heart-palpitated Trevante Rhodes, to a Snapchatting Taraji P. Henson, to well, Meryl.
Luckily for you readers, The Film Experience has obtained exclusive audio files to tell you exactly how every star responded...
Mel Gibson: What's a Moonlight?
Meryl Streep: Gosling.
Ben Affleck: So Busy, do you like tattoos?
Michelle Williams: Yahhhhhhz!
Matt Damon: [whispered] yahhhhz.
Cheryl Boone Isaacs: [Kill Bill sirens, red flashing lights]
Sting: I'm Sting.
Isabelle Huppert: Quelle surprise? [shrugs]
Shirley MacLaine: Baby brother, what have ye done?
Charlize Theron: Mirruh mirruh on the wöll.
Meryl Streep: [Florence Foster Jenkins note]
Unfortunately our audio cuts out there. However, don't you think this moment inspires some new casting possibilities. For example, in the Where's Waldo fantasmagoria here, Mark Rylance is our Waldo. Charlize is ready to play a character that devilishly whispers "my diamonds". Shirley MacLaine is primed for Oscar #2 and Casey Affleck is giving a great audition for a character battling extreme ennui. Or how about this throwback project:
Lost in shock in the crowd of the Oscar finale is the poster for this 90s revenge thriller starring Naomie Harris & Isabelle Huppert pic.twitter.com/e3ldSFfVot
— Chris Feil (@chrisvfeil) February 27, 2017
... a handsome superhero who goes around stealing hearts, but the twist is that his own heart has been stolen. Maybe I shouldn't joke about this one. Has anyone checked on Trevante Rhodes?? [In seriousness, has their been a more heartwarming or sincere moment all season?]
So here's you shocked assemblage - which could be either the new ensemble for Murder on The Orient Express or the 21st Century lineup for the "Vogue" rap:
— Karli Henriquez (@karlihenriquez) February 27, 2017
Now it's your turn: which befuddled star are you and what's going through your head? Tag yourself in the comments below!