Nathaniel R stepping in for Chris Feil, our usual lipsynch queen, who has the weekend off which gives yours truly a chance to funk with his "current rankings" in Drag Race's 9th season. [Insert evil cackle here].
I didn't know when I offered to sub that I'd be paired with the do-over of the Madonna runway. Since Madonna is my all time favorite celeb and the last episode devoted to the Queen was arguably Drag Race's most embarrassing (how could they allow their entire cast to act like the big M had only ever come up with 4 looks when she popularized giving yourself a makeover every single damn time you showed up to werq? [You can't see me but I'm stroking the chip on my shoulder. Shhhhh baby. There, he quiet now.]
No mini-challenge and no Pit crew again? May I suggest a mini-challenge...
Ru sure do love Snatch Game
They've never used the Pit Crew as well as they could. Why not a challenge where each queen gets a Pit Crew member to beautify? That'd be a true gender f*** moment since the Pit Crew is there for the manlinees. Leave them in their briefs but add heels and paint their faces. What's hotter than a fit man in stilettos? Go there, show! Go there. Call it a Kazaky challenge and pair it with the next Madonna episode a la Girls Gone Wild.
This season's episodes always feel so rushed. Did they abbreviate the actual running time per episode with more commercials? Something Wicked Non-Sickening This Way Came. Not sure what it was. In the mad sprint towards the still semi-beloved Snatch Game and that Madonna Runway (we never get any workroom scenes for the runway prep this season) the nine remaining queens don't seem to have had time to properly process Eureka's departure. Perhaps I'm projecting. I definitely didn't have to time to find a mental workaround for Nina Bo'Nina's attitude problem which is now so big her breastplate probably feels flat-chested in its presence. Farrah Moan is unrelentingly whiney but she had a point in that opening confrontration. I'm ready for them to both sashay away.
No wait. One of them can stay because how is Aja still there? Let's clean house with a double elimination next week. Quick name one thing Aja has ever worn or any face beating that ever made you gag in seven whole episodes now. That's way too many episodes in which to have never made an impact.
THE SNATCH GAME
To add insult to the injury of Aja's coasting, she performed the mortal sin of playing a past Drag Race contender on Snatch Game. This is never a good sign. Nina Bo'Nina Brown did the same thing (albeit with a much stronger performance of a more difficult character to pull off).
The Queen on Queen thing almost always suggests that the contestants in question just don't have broad taste or the cultural acumen to endure -- you need a wide variety of reference points* in your drag because it's all about playing with iconography. If all you know is reality TV your reference window is invariably too small and is also littered with land mines called expiration dates. I've been in a love with a few reality TV contests in my life but even the best ones don't produce a lot of "lasting" characters. By the very structure of the genre the casts are "replaced" annually. No wing of popular culture so actively reinforces short shelf lives.
* You can see this same problem with Nina Bo'Nina Brown's relationship to her name. It's funny to add syllables in the middle as she herself did at the beginning of the season with "Nina Bo'Nina Fofana Osama Bin Laden Brown," but notice that it's only RuPaul who is smart enough to continually mix up this instinct and add surprising (and surprisingly hilarious) combinations of names from all kinds of fields like publishing, music, politics, and general celebrity. Nina, like so many queens before her, is being handed golden persona-harnessing and drag-refining opportunities and DOESN'T RUN WITH THEM suggesting she either a) doesn't get the jokes -- something that can be worked on if you want to improve -- or b) isn't listening or taking this opportunity seriously --something that's a death knell for careers.
THE WINNERS
As for people who slayed the Snatch Game, the judges chose the correct two contenders to be on top: Alexis Michelle (who won the week, though it felt like a toss-up) was having contagious fun as Liza Minnelli -- her adding leg kicks when asked to do jazz hands was my personal favorite bit. Once you've wound Liza up (or , rather, once she's wound her self up, she just goes). And Alexis's "Sooner or Later" Breathless Mahoney gown was top-notch. Sasha Velour, who surprised us with a little help from the early episode editing that suggested she'd bomb the Snatch Game, was deadpan perfect as a sapphic Marlene Dietrich. What's more her Madonna look suggested she'd even thought about the challenges in unison (Madonna being a Marlene super fan). That's more than anyone else did.
OTHER WINNERS
Madonna... the runway do-over wasn't quite redemptive but the fact that both times it's left the feeling of "Madonna deserves better!" is a tribute to her
Ru's Wig. The best one in years and since they're all spectacular that's saying a lot. Cotton Candy pink/lavender? and it looks more expensive than the entire set.
ALMOST THERE
I'll admit that I didn't get the character or reference points for the jokes that Valentina was doing but it was still enjoyable. Shea Coulée almost pulled off a glorious queen bitch Naomi Campbell (smart but unexpected celebrity choice!). These two are by far my favorite competitors on the season but this was not quite an "A" episode for either.
LIPSYNCH FOR YOUR LIFE
Best lipsynch for your life of the season we give to Peppermint who was having so much fun on stage it was impossible not to bob your head, giggle, and grin from ear to ear as the judges were doing. Who saw that coming? Not I.
Ranking:
(Sasha would have a big arrow up if Chris hadn't consistently ranked her so high.)
- Shea Couleé
- 🔺 Valentina
- Sasha Velour
- 🔺 Alexis Michelle
- Trinity Taylor
I'm convinced some combo of those 5 above make the finale - 🔻Nina Bo'nina Brown
- Eureka O'Hara
- Peppermint
- Charlie Hides
- 🔻 Farrah Moan
- 🔻Cynthia Lee Fontaine
- 🔻 Aja
- Jaymes Mansfield
- Kimora Blac
ANNOYING-NESS
I would just like to co-sign everything in this article about it being so suddenly hard to find RuPaul's Drag Race to stream anywhere. I tend to DVR shows I like but while writing about them it's much easier to have them streaming in the background for quick reference.
But at least it's still easy to watch UNTUCKED (which is often better than the show anyway)
Gif As Episode Grade:
