On this very day in Honolulu, Hawaii, 50 years ago, grad student Antony Kidman and his wife Janelle Ann welcomed a baby girl into their lives. Her Hawaiian name was "Hōkūlani" which means "Heavenly Star" and she turned out to be one. Twenty-two years later she was headlining motion pictures. A few years after that she was breaking through and in 2001 she ascended permanently into the canon of great film stars with the one two punch of Moulin Rouge! and The Others. Her name is Nicole Kidman. Perhaps you've heard of her? So happy birthday to the one and only at her half-century mark.
50 Appropriate Ways to Celebrate Nicole Kidman's 50th Birthday
Try them and report back on your success!
01 Have patience with the mere mortals around you who keep expecting you to prove yourself or don't "get" you. Humor them and keep on working because genius comes naturally to you.
02 Vote for Nicole Kidman on your Emmy ballot for her deep dive into Celeste's psyche in Big Little Lies
03 Drift in and out of an Aussie accent all day, mate
04 Kiss someone who can carry a tune or will sing you a country music song...
05 Speak in an affected whisper voice all day
06 Tell us about the first time you remember seeing her in a movie. Mine was Days of Thunder (1990)... so embarrassing! (I had to backtrack to Dead Calm to discover what the fuss was about)
07 Wear something daringly fashion forward
08 Rewatch her Oscar acceptance speech and nod your head about art being important. It is.
(especially the art of movies and actressing)
09 Scream "I'm dying in this town!" at your significant other
10 If they don't get the reference, slap them.
11 Watch The Hours (2002) for the umpteenth time
12 Draw a picture of Nicole's Lion wig from memory. Tee hee.
13 Run around your house/apartment closing all the doors and curtains while doing your best "Grace" from The Others. Your loved ones might be allergic to the light! You might be allergic to the truth.
14 Fantasize about Jude Law while reciting the "I marry yooo I marry yooo I marry yooo" mantra
15 Remember that you're nobody unless you're on TV. And Kidman is always on TV.
16 Seduce someone who looks like a young Joaquin Phoenix and make them do your bidding
17 Sing-along to your favorite Katy Perry song
18 Get your eyes on Flirting (1991) if you can. So few have seen it and it's so good and Nicole is delicious in it and it's her only movie with best friend Naomi Watts
an ole classic visual we made of Nicole plotting
19 Obsess over your favorite auteurs and who'd you most like to work with. You know that's what Nic' asks the cinematic gods for every year on her birthday!
20 Be jealous that Nicole Kidman once called me on the phone.
21 Pre-buy your tickets for The Beguiled (opening Friday)
22 Say "Bring me the anatomy book" in your most wickedly enigmatic drama voice
23 "Suppress" any Scientologists you run into
24 Peek at someone's junk
25 Work so hard that no one can keep track of how many projects you have going or have already completed
26 Feel guilty about your sexual fantasies involving Alexander Skarsgård. If you feel no guilt about sexual fantasies just go for it and pee on someone who looks like Zac Efron.
27 Play the Moulin Rouge! soundtrack or at least "Come What May" super loud and sing along. You know the words
28 Celebrate the Bohemian Ideals "Freedom. Beauty. Truth. And Love."
29 Cry in your car thinking about Nicole's lived-in grief in Rabbit Hole
30 ... and then rage at the skies about how many times she hasn't been that lucky (but was just as deserving) when chasing an Oscar nomination. It's absolutely crazy to think of the people that have more nominations than her.
31 Befriend someone who looks like Naomi Watts
32 Remember that you'll soon get to see Nicole Kidman underwater in a superhero film.
33 Name your favorite Kidman monologue... Is it from Stoker? Lion? The Others? Dogville? To Die For?
34 Pray to the cinematic gods that she finds a way to bring Photograph 51 to the screen. It could be another Oscar nom role
35 Be extremely excited when you remember that Top of the Lake Season 2 is only 3 months away!
36 Slap your monkey
37 Vote on this week's Beauty vs Beast poll
38 Rewatch that fun "73 Questions with Nicole Kidman"
39 Put on a pair of slutty f*** me pumps for an hour...
40 ... and have telepathic sex with someone you're crushing on
41. Pretend Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Jason Leigh is your sister
42. Borrowing this next one from Russell Falcon...
Never forget the exact moment Nicole Kidman decided — at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party — she was DONE with Tom Cruise's bullshit pic.twitter.com/TtX9s5aOto
— Russell (@RussellFalcon) May 2, 2017
43. If you have naturally curly hair, pretend its red all day. If you have red hair, pretend its blonde. And vice versa. If you have no hair, imagine yourself with your favorite Kidman cut
44. Rank everything you love about Nicole Kidman
45. Keep everyone guessing about who you really are...
46. Alternate personas all day - cycle through "bright and bubbly", a "wilting flower" and "smoldering temptress" with abandon.
47. Share this post on Social Media and tell everyone about each of these that you do.
48. If anyone bitches about your Kidmania, unfollow them.
49. After you've shared this post listen to the score of Birth and go into a deep hypnotic trance thinking of how much you love Nicole Kidman in that movie. She's so overwhelming you can't even move.
50 ...And wish the queen well on her 50th.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE!
WE ❤️ YOU LONG TIME
