by Jorge Molina
Oh, what a night. The Golden Globes delivered the head-scratching, Twitter-blowing night that we expect every year. Of the many things we can count on (apart from drunk speeches and Meryl being nominated), is that they are the award show that puts the most thought, or at least has the most fun, pairing up their presenters. To various degrees of success.
So check out this second annual ranking of the Golden Globes presenters after the jump, evaluated in terms of banter, chemistry, relation to the award given, and presentation...
33. Seth Rogen (The Disaster Artist): Sure, the guy’s charming. But he just spent a good two or three minutes basically saying how James Franco was a crazy genius. Read the room, Seth. And not Tommy Wiseau’s.
32. Roseanne Barr and John Goodman (Best TV Series – Drama): I did not grow up with Roseanne, so for all I know this was a perfectly joyful reunion of two beloved actors in anticipation of the revival. But Roseanne is problematic, and the room knew that.
31. Sharon Stone and J.K. Simmons (Best TV Supporting Actress): A perfectly acceptable pairing but Sharon’s dress was more memorable than their chemistry.
30. Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant (Best Foreign Language Film and Dunkirk): Let’s all forget Did You Hear About the Morgans? ever existed. Also, points off for basically reusing Hugh to introduce Dunkirk immediately after. Lazy.
29. Kerry Washington and Garrett Hedlund (Best TV Actor – Drama)
28. Octavia Spencer (The Shape of Water): She’s a predictable, welcome delight. But she had only so much to do here.
27. Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington (Best TV Series - Musical or Comedy, and Best TV Actor – Drama): The Globes don’t often pair people who are in current projects together, so it was off-putting to see two who so memorably are. They looked pretty but having two presenters stay on stage and present two awards back to back always sends a tiring message that the clock is ticking.
26. Gal Gadot and Dwayne Johnson (Best Actress in Miniseries or TV Film): Two of the biggest action stars in the world, and it was great that (at least in this moment in time), Gal had the upper hand.
25. Dakota Johnson (Call Me by Your Name): Beyond working with Luca Guadagnino (A Bigger Splash) previously why was Johnson chosen for that introduction? Very Golden Globes but still confusing.
24. Halle Berry (Get Out): That the first African-American woman to have a Leading Actress Oscar was chosen to introduce the (better) film about racial tensions in America was arguably too on-the nose. But sometimes on-the-nose is good.
23. Sarah Paulson (The Post): Her little rant about the movie was okay, but the real delight came as she was introduced as “star of The Post”. It's not technically untrue (she is in The Post and she is a star), but it is hardly her movie. We’ll take it, though.
22. Kate Hudson and Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Best Supporting Actress): A reminder that 1) Aaron Taylor-Johnson is a Golden Globe winner, 2) a snack, and 3) Kate Hudson needs a comeback vehicle ASAP. Maybe call L’Oreal?
21. Michael Keaton and Alicia Vikander (Best Film – Musical or Comedy): the award for Most Random Pairing.
20. Christina Hendricks and Neil Patrick Harris (Best TV Supporting Actor): Christina’s black thick-rimmed glasses were the best fashion choice of the night.
19. Amy Poehler and Andy Samberg (Best Animated Comedy): following a tradition of comedians introducing the animated category, Amy and Andy tried to come up with some funny banter, but there’s no way anything could live up to last year’s genius Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell’s depression routine.
18. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Kirk Douglas (Best Screenplay): I get what they were going for, honoring a legendary (though controversial) figure for his centennial, but forcing elderly figures into the spotlight when they’re past lucidity (or able to speak) is cruel. Catherine pushed through, though, and made it work.
17. Greta Gerwig (Lady Bird): Too brief but having Greta on stage for any reason whatsoever is a delight.
16. Reese Witherspoon (Oprah): I love Reese. I love how much she loves Oprah, and that sense of admiration came through in her speech. However, I personally would have chosen someone else to give that award to her. Ava DuVernay was right there!
15. Salma Hayek (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri): A literal goddess. But why on Earth is she introducing Three Billboards, when her relationship and connection with Guillermo del Toro from the very tight Mexican film community is so much more resonant?!
14. Zac Efron (The Greatest Showman): I assume he was saying something circus-related. Other thoughts were running through my mind.
13. Sebastian Stan and Allison Janney (I, Tonya): In the Battle of the Moms, Laurie Metcalf has the stronger performance, but Janney has the charm. And don’t underestimate charm.
12. Mariah Carey and Common (Best Original Score): Skinny legend Mariah Carey in all her diva glory, struggling and then giving up pronouncing Alexandre Desplat’s name is all I ever needed.
11. Emma Watson and Robert Pattinson (Best Limited Series): Teenage fandoms of 2008 were on fire. And Emma’s delightful reaction at Big Little Lies’ win was all of us.
10. Kelly Clarkson and Keith Urban (Best Original Song): the annual quota of musicians presenting a music award. That harmonizing was so damn charming.
9. Jessica Chastain and Chris Hemsworth (Best Actress, Musical or Comedy): Jessica seemed nervous and stumbled over her words, but they had a nice bit going about pay equality. Also, who expected a reminder that The Huntsman happened.
8. Emma Stone and Shirley MacLaine (Best Actor, Musical or Comedy): I’m not saying anyone should ever remake The Apartment. But if anyone does, there’s your choice.
7. Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon (Best Actor, Drama): On one hand, it was truly great to have a reunion of one of the all time most iconic female duos. On the other, it’s truly amazing what different paths they both have taken since then. If only the control room had just cut to Debra Messing.
6. Jennifer Aniston and Carol Burnett (Best TV Actress, Musical or Comedy, and Best TV Actress, Drama): They were one of the few pairs to actually have a bit going, which is always appreciated. And reminder that Jennifer Aniston is great at comedy and needs to be back on our screens.
5. Edgar Ramirez, Penelope Cruz, Ricky Martin and Darren Criss (Best Actor, Miniseries or TV Film): I can’t remember what any of them said they were so beautiful to look at, my God.
4. Barbra Streisand (Best Film, Drama): In pure Babs fashion, she managed to make a call to arms while at the same time making the moment about herself. A legend.
3. Viola Davis and Helen Mirren (Best Supporting Actor): Viola had, hands down, the best look of the night. But seeing them together made it clear that we need a buddy comedy. Or, you know, a villain duo for for Ocean’s Nine.
2. Isabelle Huppert and Angelina Jolie (Best Actress – Drama): The poise, elegance and sheer power that came off that stage when these two walked out. Forget Brad Pitt, this is the real power couple.
1. Natalie Portman and Ron Howard (Best Director): The six words that reverberated through the world. This placement is just for Natalie Portman, who had the unenviably difficult task of following Oprah’s speech. But she went beyond with her simple exclamation of “And here are the all-male nominees” encompassing in a single sentence the complicated lack of gender parity that the entire evening was all about. It took everyone off-guard (poor Guillermo), and made everyone clear that the girls are here to take what’s theirs. Time’s up.