by Christopher James
Mike Newell’s Four Weddings and a Funeral is an odd delight. The Best Picture nominee (I know, right?!) takes place almost entirely at those five titular events. Every three months, at least half the ensemble gets engaged or married. Despite having chemistry, our lead couple Charles (Hugh Grant) and Carrie (Andie MacDowell) seem to only exist in hotel rooms. Similarly, we skip over a lot of development with the other members of the core friend group. That’s part of the fun of the film. With such large gaps between weddings and funerals, we get snippets of their lives, rather than full pictures. Thus, putting an out gay couple on equal screen time footing as the rest of the members of the ensemble was a major step forward.
However, by only showing glimpses, we get a rather incomplete look at Gareth (Simon Callow) and Matthew (John Hannah). Still, they were a major step forward in the “gay best friend” trope because they got to be out and in a healthy, loving relationship...
Gareth & Matthew are introduced a minute and a half into the movie as they get ready for the first wedding
You can feel the film grappling with its picture of these two men and the prevailing sentiments in 1994. This makes for a fascinating, and at times frustrating, watch twenty-six years later.
Over the opening credits, we’re introduced to Gareth and Matthew as a loving couple going about a morning routine. Introducing them as an ordinary couple sets a particularly revolutionary tone for the time. Gay couples; they’re just like us! Matthew flicks Gareth on the nose playfully, they are too cute. What struck me on this latest rewatch was that this was one of the few times we see Gareth and Matthew together. For much of the movie, Matthew is playing wingman/confidant to other members of the friend group while Gareth dances wildly. LGBTQ+ representation, especially in the 90s, comes in fits and starts. We can be introduced to Gareth and Matthew as a gay couple, but we aren’t going to see them kiss or interact as a couple.
Gareth ready to get the party started, baby cherub vest and all.
Matthew: I remember the first time I saw Gareth on a dancefloor. I feared lives would be lost.
Gareth stands out as the largest of personalities in the film. It could be argued that most of his screen time is on the dance floor doing outrageous moves. However, Callow’s performance interestingly makes Gareth grandiose, rather than flamboyant. He’s a man with a spirit as big as his beer belly, which causes him to make a grand show of himself wherever he goes. Yet, there’s a masculinity to him that gay men at the time were not often portrayed as having. This fine line makes him an interesting addition to the lexicon of “gay best friend.” It turns out, his greatest joy also becomes his downfall.
In a movie named Four Weddings and a Funeral, could you guess who gets a funeral and not a wedding? Of course it’s one of our gays. Gareth drops dead in the middle of Carrie’s wedding after a particularly high octane Scottish dance. Apparently the same rules of horror films apply to romantic comedies. The gay dies first. In 1994, AIDS was ravaging the gay community. There’s something benevolent about letting Gareth die from dancing rather than AIDS. However, it’s still odd that in a movie full of characters, writer Richard Curtis decided it was the job of the gay best friend to pass. On the other hand, perhaps maybe that was the point. Friend groups were losing loved ones to AIDS day after day. Maybe this friend group too should know what it’s like to lose their gregarious gay best friend.
Matthew: Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. He said it was easier to get enthusiastic about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in. In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people, to get a general picture of how Gareth was regarded by those who met him: 'Fat' seems to have been a word people most connected with him. 'Terribly rude' also rang a lot of bells. So very 'fat' and very 'rude' seems to have been a stranger's viewpoint. On the other hand, some of you have been kind enough to ring me and let me know that you loved him, which I know he would have been thrilled to hear. You remember his fabulous hospitality, his strange experimental cooking: the recipe for "Duck à la Banana" fortunately goes with him to his grave. Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. When joyful, when joyful for highly vocal drunkenness. But I hope joyful is how you will remember him, not stuck in a box in a church. Pick your favourite of his waistcoats and remember him that way. The most splendid, replete, big-hearted, weak-hearted as it turned out, and jolly bugger most of us ever met. As for me, you may ask how I will remember him, what I thought of him. Unfortunately, there I run out of words. Perhaps you will forgive me if I turn from my own feelings to the words of another splendid bugger: W.H. Auden. This is actually what I want to say:
'Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drum, Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let the aeroplanes circle, moaning overhead, Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'. Put crepe bows 'round the white necks of the public doves, Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest; My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song. I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood, For nothing now can ever come to any good."'
For such a joyous movie filled with weddings, it’s the funeral that sticks. It’s the first time true love is really on display. It’s almost as if everyone exists in the world of The Lobster, desperately trying to find a match to avoid a fate worse than death, loneliness.
As Matthew struggles his way through a poignant and heartfelt eulogy, we get flashes of the friends we have met throughout all the weddings. Additionally, we see a lot of older faces, presumably members of Gareth’s family. These people are in tears, or chuckling along to the gentle ribbing of Matthew’s speech. These asides leave open so many questions. Did these family members love Gareth and Matthew together as a couple? Were they welcomed into their homes openly? Or are they now just starting to realize how real a relationship these two men were in. Hannah is tasked throughout the movie with making Matthew the “straight” person in a group full of lovelorn wrecks. However, he comes alive during this scene, as he conveys the weight of the life that was lost with Gareth’s death. He didn’t just lose a friend, like many of the other people in the scene did, he lost his partner in life. Behind his eyes, you feel his soul crushing, even as he’s trying to lighten up the very dour mood.
Charles: “It’s odd, isn’t it? All these years we’ve been single and proud of it. Never noticed that two of us were, for all intents and purposes, married all this time.”
Heading back from the funeral, this line from Charles struck me. You were close friends with Gareth and Matthew, why did you not realize they were essentially married? After a few moments, it made sense. Especially in the 90s, gay people had to hide certain parts of themselves from their straight counterparts, even if they were out. Their friends could know that they were gay, maybe even know that they were together. However, they couldn’t quite fathom how in love they were. The idea of gay marriage was so foreign, as Matthew talked about at the beginning of his eulogy. Gareth believed he had more of a chance to be involved in a funeral than a wedding.
Where's our invite to this delightful looking wedding?Matthew is eventually given his happy ending in a montage over the end credits, as are all the supporting characters. Hopefully with this new relationship, he’ll be able to share his love more broadly with all of his friends and family. Even in a film where we have the “kill the gay” narrative crutch, Four Weddings and a Funeral still finds a way to give our lone remaining “gay best friend” a happy ending.
Previously in Gay Best Friend
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