One last piece on an individual moment from Oscar night?
by Baby Clyde
They couldn’t have started off the In Memoriam segment of the 96th Annual Academy Awards, in a more sober fashion. Recently assassinated Russian opposition leader and subject of last year's Best Documentary winner Alexei Navalny appears on screen, speaking directly to the audience. It’s a bold, surprising opener, somewhat at odds with the slick, professional and ever so slightly dull show that made up the rest of the runtime. This grim reminder of a world outside the Hollywood bubble gives absolutely no indication of the calamitous 4 minutes we're about to endure...
It’s not immediately obvious that things are about to go spectacularly off the rails as the picture cuts to a string quarter playing the suitably titled "Time to Say Goodbye". From a screen in the distance Dumbledore sonorously muses on the subject of mortality, whilst esteemed director Norman Jewison flashes by so quickly you barely see him. But it’s a brief flicker on the far right hand side of the stage that signals alarm. Interpretative dance. THERE’S INTERPRETIVE DANCE!!! What in the Debbie Allen is going on???
With a screen too small to read the names or recognise the faces of any but the most famous tributees, we have no idea who ‘Deborah’ is when she briefly pops up between entertainment icons Harry Belafonte and Alan Arkin. We can’t see the details. ‘Bo’ seems nice, but I don’t know what he did. They must know this is a problem. Obviously the screen is about to enlarge and move the dearly departed front and centre.
But no, the camera does the exact opposite. Moving even further away, making it even harder to see the blurred images in the background, the stage is now invaded by a troupe of blue robe temple dwellers from Dune, twatting about like they’re all monged out on spice. What have Chita Rivera and Piper Laurie done to deserve this??? Glynis Johns is regretting reaching her centenary.
There are now dozens of people on the stage distracting from the serious proceedings at hand. Poor Cynthia Weil is shoved to the side screens in order to make room. Just as you think it can’t get any more cluttered, we cut to a 40 piece orchestra and the unmistakable voice of Italian popera heartthrob Andrea Bocelli is introduced to the mix. Ryuichi Sakamoto does not look impressed.
We now dispense with the In Memoriam entirely as Andrea and his admittedly hot son appear in the first close-up of the entire tribute. It’s slightly odd to be highlighting the living when the focus is supposed to be those that have recently left us. Instead, some weird test tube situation emerges where faces are placed on oblongs behind. The string quartet valiantly plugs away, the interpretive dancers mill about confused and Bocelli & Son honk on in beautiful harmony. Dead luminaries are a total afterthought at this point. There’s a lot of blue.
Whilst the Isadora Duncan tribute act engage in a frenzied gavotte, we skip past TV legend Mathew Perry, former Academy President John Bailey and famed stand-up comedian Richard Lewis. I’m not mad that there seems to be a dearth of big name Movie Stars to feature this year although a new camera angle means that the text is now entirely unreadable. Timothy Chalamet may have passed for all we know cos WE CAN’T READ ANYONE’S NAMES!!!!
And then it abruptly ends. Carl Weathers into William Friedkin seems to get the temple dwellers attention as they all turn to face the screen just in time for two time Best Actress winner Glenda Jackson to be unceremoniously barged out of the way by "Auntie Entity" from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Andrea hits a prolonged wobbly bum note and the whole debacle’s over.
The applause is amusingly muted. The standing ovation half hearted. I loved every minute.