Beauty vs Beast: Mars Girls Are Easy

Jason from MNPP here with this week's "Beauty vs Beast" -- today is the 25th anniversary of one of our most favorite trash spectacles, Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall! The film was dropped on a unsuspecting public on June 1st, 1990, probably expecting the usual Arnold Schwarzenegger shoot-em-up... you know, "usual" meaning without any little people with crimped hair shooting machine guns. Little did they know! Well maybe if they'd seen Verhoeven's previous Amrican effort, the similarly bonkers Robocop, they had a clue. Still the movie was a great big hit, as to be expected in 1990 with Arnold's big face on the poster, even if it's still incredibly strange in that incredible Verhoeven way.

Back in 2009 I listed five of my favorite side characters from this movie over at my own site - I've seen this movie more times than I could count, so every twisted-up face is like an old friend - and I figured it'd be more fun to dive a little deeper than just Arnie vs Ironside or Sharon Stone vs that dark-haired lady that isn't Sharon Stone for today's competition. So on one side we have Mary... who the hell is Mary, you ask? She's probably better known as "The Three-Breasted Hooker." Ahh now you know who I mean. (As an aside here's a dishy necessarily-NSFW interview with the actress Lycia Naff who played the role.) And on the other, the rebel leader Kuato, played (and voiced) by Marshall Bell and a gooey gut-puppet. Freeeee Marrrrrsssssss...

I know what a hard decision this is, so you've got one whole week to choose.

No, not two weeks. One week. ONE week!

Beauty vs Beast: Wicca Wicca What

By the power of three, Jason from MNPP here today to make you see, make you see. If you can believe it Andrew Fleming's 1996 teen witch classic The Craft turned 19 years old two weeks ago, and it celebrated the last year of its teens with the news that greets so many other movies of a certain age -- it's remake time! Leigh Janiak, the female director behind last year's sufficiently creepy film Honeymoon, is gonna find four new girls to make light as a feather, stiff as a board, for a whole new generation. For a subset of 90s kids, this is like blaspheming the great Manon himself - inconceivable! Star Fairuza Balk (who's celebrating her birthday later this week - happy birthday, Fairuza!) weighed in with wise words on it; we have yet to hear from "natural witch" Robin Tunney. But what do you guys think? (Also: WHO WOULD YOU CAST?) And most importantly...

Whose team are you on?

Team Sarah

Team Nancy

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PREVIOUSLY Last week's Kramer vs Kramer poll stayed incredibly close the entire seven days, and in the end it was only seven votes that handed Joanna (Meryl Streep) the win. Obviously y'all were as torn up over choosing as was that little boy's home life. Said Mike:

"I can't even say enough about these two marvelous performances. Both Oscars were well deserved. Still one of my ultimate favorite performances given by Meryl."

Beauty vs Beast: Daddy vs Mommy

Jason from MNPP hoping your hangover from partying hard into the wee hours of Mother's Day is not too harsh. I know how it goes - when your Mom demands more shots, ya gotta do more shots. And speaking of Motherhood! As Nathaniel just told you last week this month's Supporting Actress Smackdown belongs to the year 1979, and when they get to that on May 31st a really big piece of that puzzle will be Meryl Streep's performance in Kramer vs Kramer, which brought her her first Oscar. Kramer vs Kramer... Beauty vs Beast... it's a natural fit! Consider this an appetizer to the Smackdown main course...

Whose team are you on?

Team Ted

Team Joanna

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PREVIOUSLY  Last week we also took on the breaking of familial bonds, albeit in a galaxy a bit further away than our own, when we pitted Luke Skywalker against his helmeted Papa Darth. Well you're all a bunch of evil Empire lovers becauve Vader strutted off (imagine John Williams' marching music here) with just under 70% of the vote Said Steven:

"The Dark Side is strong with this one."

Beauty vs Beast: Like Father Luke Son

Happy May the Fourth, everybody! Jason from MNPP here - it wasn't until this morning when Nathaniel reminded us of the annual Star Wars holiday-of-sorts that I looked back through our "Beauty vs Beast" archives and found it to be seriously Skywalker wanting, which is just unacceptable. I was maybe a little too young for the first round of Star Wars movies and definitely a little too old for the Prequels so I've never been as huge a fanatic about the series as some folks, but I enjoy the world enough that the Force Awakens trailer made me a little misty-eyed. I have my fingers and toes and lightsabers crossed that Abrams has made a good movie, one that does justice to what George Lucas accomplished and to what so many people love - the simple story of a boy and his dad, learning to find common ground.

Whose team are you on?

Team Luke Skywalker

Team Darth Vader

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PREVIOUSLY Elvira Hancock might've told Tony Montana they were losers not winners but it turns out he's the only loser in this town - Michelle Pfeiffer pretty handily trounced Al Pacino in last weeks Scarface-off. Said The Pretentious Know It All:

"Admit you didn't vote for Elvira on this blog at your own peril."

Beauty vs Beast: Tip Top Trophy Wife

Happy Monday, folks - Jason from MNPP here with this week's edition of "Beauty vs Beast" - guess who is celebrating a birthday this week? If you guessed "Nathaniel's Queen Bee" Michelle Pfeiffer then give yourself a cookie... or a toot of the finest Colombian maybe? (The Film Experience does not endorse drug use.) The cocaine reference leads us to this week's competition -- we're slipping into our tightest disco pants and taking on Brian De Palma's Scarface, of course.

Nine years ago this week Nathaniel actually held a Michelle Pfeiffer blog-a-thon and I wrote up my adoration of her performance as Elvira Hancock then - you can read that here. I thought about that post as I gathered my wits about this one today - I might be blinded by my own love but I think this is probably an unfair fight that's gonna leave Al Pacino as bloodied as a body in a bathtub. Oh well. You think he cares? He'll take our fuckin' bullets!

Whose team are you on?

Team Elvira

Team Tony

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PREVIOUSLY "Artificial Intelligence Week" is still going strong here at The Film Experience but a week ago we kicked it off with Fritz Lang's Metropolis and a tale of Two Marias - would Good Maria triumph over Evil Robot-Maria just like in the movie? Heck no! We wanna dance dance dance! Said RobMiles:

"I voted for Robot-Maria, but have to salute Brigitte Helm for playing both roles perfectly. PS. I've done a similar dance in my time!"