Cast This: Johnny Depp's "The Thin Man" Remake

Let's talk about Johnny Depp for a moment. Is anyone busier?

Depp sneaking away from all original movie ideas.

He seems to be rivalling Michael Fassbender (rising star division) and Leonardo DiCaprio (first dibs 30something division) on "most films in the pipeline". Aside from signing on for endless Pirates of the Caribbean films (we thought one was enough but oh how we loved it at the time), there's Tim Burton's Dark Shadows adaptation (I almost typed Dark Habits there are no druggy horny nuns in that one) and The Lone Ranger (which Depp says will be significantly rework the Tonto/Ranger dynamic), he and Rob Marshall are prepping a remake of the 30s classic The Thin Man for 2013.

What is with Depp's weird insistence on only doing remakes and sequels? That such an original performer would give himself over so completely to repetition and revisions is eerily similar to the "no more original material!" edict that seems to have consumed his once very original favorite collaborator as well (That's right, Mr. Burton, we're talking to you!)

A remake of The Thin Man (1934), one of the first feature "franchises" is a pretty terrible idea for a number of reasons and not just for the totally norm reason that the original is just fine the way it is.

There are two enormous hurdles to surmount in relaunching that franchise and the unbeatable William Powell / Myrna Loy chemistry is numero uno. Depp is a wonderful actor but when has he ever had chemistry that fine with a co-star? Think hard. Yep, he's something of an island actor. Problem dos is that though the 1930s should technically have been more backwards in terms of gender equality, it's pretty tough to beat the leading ladies of the 1930s in terms of gender equality starpower. Loy was a real lulu and who the hell will ever be able to top her impressive juggling of loving wife, comic sparring partner and elegant diva?

You're going to need an actress who can keep Depp on his toes whilst staring him straight in the eyes and simultaneously never dropping the witticisms from her lips. As much as Hollywood will want to cast a 20something woman in the this role, Johnny Depp will be 50 when the movie comes out so the Nora to his Nick should at least be in her 30s, but hopefully early 40s. (To be anal about it, there was a 13 year age difference between the original Nick and Nora Charles so we'll allow for an actress as young as 35. We're generous that way.) Remember you're looking for an equal in every way.

The last woman to hold her own opposite Depp with enough force to suggest that she absolutely did not believe she was billed below him was Anne Heche in Donnie Brasco (1997). But we all know that they're not going to cast Anne Heche. Who would you go with?