Curio: Dolly Days

Alexa here. With Dolly getting most of the votes in Nathaniel's poll, I felt it necessary to point out that, along with making some Joyful Noise of late, she is also celebrating a birthday this week. While she's had an uneven film presence during her career (Straight Talk was not exactly the vehicle we would hope for her), she can coast on the combined effect of 9 to 5 and Steel Magnolias to qualify as a film star.  So here's a few curios to celebrate the Queen of Country's 66 years. 

9 to 5 Alamo Drafthouse poster by Print Mafia.Sugar Magnolia cupcake toppers, now for sale!Click to see Dolly morph into Kristen Chenoweth...

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Cast This! All Black "Steel Magnolias"

Everyone is doing it... why shouldn't we? I caught the news on Twitter where everyone I follow (but particularly Joe & Mark) were sounding off about who they'd like to see in the just announced remake of Steel Magnolias (for Lifetime) which will use an all black cast. Since blacktresses and the unfortunate dearth of roles for them are one of our pet topics here at The Film Experience we can't really let this one go without a discussion.

Clockwise from top left: Hannah (Annelle), Maclaine (Ouiser), Parton (Truvy), Field (M'Lynn), Dukakis (Clairee), and Roberts (Shelby)

The original film, a big hit in 1989 that has had an infinite DVD shelf life with the gays, gave Julia Roberts her first Oscar nomination. It was another Oscar vehicle at the time for Sally Field, a star-laden adaptation of a hit play that opened in November, but the only thing Oscar ended up noticing was Julia Roberts all fresh faced and quivering ginormous lips. At the time Sally Field loved to lay claim to discovering Julia though it was the nascent superstar's fourth film to hit theaters.  

She's mine!

Yes, I saw it in theaters. Shut up. I know my 80s movie stories are totally aging me. It can't be helped! This will happen to some of you when they start remaking 90s and 00s movies like Total Recall and  Spider-M (oh wait. damn). The cast at the time was NOT listed alphabetically but had to deal with old fashioned 'whose the biggest star right now?' billing so it went like so...

• SALLY FIELD as "M'Lynn" the no nonsense mom who worries herself sick over her reckless life-loving diabetic daughter 
• DOLLY PARTON as "Truvy" the big haired big hearted owner of the beauty shop where the cast continually congregates.
• SHIRLEY MACLAINE as "Ouiser" the mean spirited wealthy brunt of many of the jokes 
• DARYL HANNAH as "Annelle" the bumbling beauty shop apprentice and born again Christian. 'Her personal troubles will not interfere with her ability to do good hair.'
• OLYMPIA DUKAKIS as "Clairee" Ouiser's wise-cracking bestie, also rich, but infinitely better-tempered.
• ...and JULIA ROBERTS as "Shelby" a fragile young bride who is desperate to have a normal life

The cast (sans Dukakis) at the NYC premiere in November 1989

So which black actresses would you cast in these roles?
EXTRA POINTS to anyone who manages to recast Tom Skeritt's and Dylan McDermott's parts, too. [Psssst. Shamelessly name dropping alert: Dylan McDermott was at that Hugo screening on Monday night, just 8 seats away from me!]
DOUBLE EXTRA POINTS to anyone who manages to recast it without using Viola Davis or Octavia Spencer who, trust, aren't going to be hurting for offers post The Help.
TRIPLE EXTRA POINTS to anyone who can do it using Steel Magnolia's formula at the time (4 previous Oscar nominees or winners, 2 absolute legends, 1 current sex symbol de-glammed and 1 newbie who is clearly on her way to major stardom)

Go!