Tuesday
Feb122013
Complete the Sentence. Just the other day...
Tuesday, February 12, 2013 at 10:17PM I was thinking that if __________ won/lost the Oscar then _____________________ .
(*we're recording a podcast right now so discuss amongst yourselves!)
Reader Comments (42)
I was thinking that if Anne Hathaway lost the Oscar then I'd jump for joy because I wouldn't have to hear another phony obnoxious speech. Yay!
I was thinking that if Anne Hathaway lost the Oscar then it would be no big deal because she'd be nominated next year for the EPIC performance she would have to put on while some other woman walks away with her award.
I was thinking that if Emmanuelle Riva won the Oscar then it would be a good thing. She deserves it and honestly, who can't see Lawrence and Chastain snagging their own in the next five years or so?
I was thinking that if Anne Hathaway lost the Oscar then it would be no big deal because she'd be nominated next year for the EPIC performance she would have to put on while some other woman walks away with her award.
I was thinking that if Emmanuelle Riva won the Oscar then it would be a good thing. She deserves it and honestly, who can't see Lawrence and Chastain snagging their own in the next five years or so?
I was thinking that if Anne Hathaway lost the Oscar then it would be no big deal because she'd be nominated next year for the EPIC performance she would have to put on while some other woman walks away with her award.
I was thinking that if Emmanuelle Riva won the Oscar then it would be a good thing. She deserves it and honestly, who can't see Lawrence and Chastain snagging their own in the next five years or so?
I was hoping that if Emmanuel Riva loses the Oscar then people will still take the time to view her beautiful filmography.
I was thinking that if Hugh Jackman won the Oscar then I would be overjoyed, because I don't know if he'll ever find another role so tailored to his singular talents.
I was thinking that if Emmanuelle Riva won the Oscar, it would make up for almost every damn time they make the wrong choice in that category - which is most of the damn time.
I was thinking if Benh Zeitlin won the Oscar, then I could forgive the Academy for decades of voting like grumpy tax accountants.
I was thinking that if Anne Hathaway lost the Oscar then I'll need to put the TV on mute.
Oops. I mean "won."
I was thinking that when Anne wins the Oscar, then I hope she knocks her speech out of the park.
(All this concern over Anne Hathaway's acceptance speech has me looking back to Natalie Portman... After a series of embarrassing awards speeches for Black Swan she really nailed it at the Oscars. Here's hoping Anne can do the same.)
If Christoph Waltz or QT wins I will not be happy, QT because Moonrise Kingdom, Amour and ZDT are much better and I don't need to hear him cluelessly drop racial slurs while talking about his movie; Waltz because I am actually a big fan and think there will be a huge backlash if he wins.
I was thinking that if Ang Lee won the Oscar then I would pretty much do a slow clap for at least 10 minutes long.
I was thinking that if Jennifer Lawrence lost the Oscar, I would be very happy since there will be many more chances for better roles.
I was thinking that if Tony Kushner lost the Oscar to competent, yet inferior drivel like Silver Linings Playbook then I will have to make sure I have one of those life support devices that alerts the nearest medical facility to save me from my impending death.
Okay, that's dramatic, but I find it insurmountingly depressing that Tony Kushner's lush, layered, and epic prose could end up being such a longshot.
"CALM DOWN, CRAZY!"
I was thinking that if Anne Hathaway wins the Oscar then I will feel so bad for Sally Field, who will no doubt be sitting there thinking, "Somebody teach this girl how to form a coherent sentence and give a good speech for God's sake."
^ Kinda bringing up something Jessica Chastain recently addressed on her facebook about the media trying to constantly perpetuate riffs between females - no. Sally Field will not do that. I'm pretty sure knows how much Anne respects her, and she respects her as well.
I was thinking that if ____Adele______ won the Oscar then _will we get to hear her say she was just pissing herself in the audience having a good time with her mate and how many of the blue hairs of the academy will stoke at that moment?
I was thinking that if Zero Dark Thirty Editors Dylan Tichenor and William Goldenberg lost the Oscar (even if Goldenberg wins for Argo too) then I will be just as sad about it as Kathryn Bigelow not getting nominated and/or Jessica Chastain not winning.
Real talk: The editing is so crucial to the film. Think of the certain tricks and styles that have become popular in editing over the years and then think of how terribly misplaced it would be in the film.
Now for something positive:
I was thinking that if Roger Deakins won the Oscar then everything else that happens that night will be moot because I will be so happy for him.
I was thinking that if Joaquin won the Oscar then we might get to see a speech that will endure.
I was thinking that if Hugh Jackman wins the Oscar he'd get a chance to dip Meryl Streep and kiss her like he was Adrian Brody with Halle Berry.
I was thinking that if Naomi Watts loses the Oscar then she might be a serious threat for next year's Oscars with all those baity roles coming in 2013.
...if Shohreh Aghdashloo won the Oscar, I would have an additional favorite Oscar moment to go in my top three.
I was thinking that if Hathaway loses the Oscar, then it might be really fortunate for her career.
I was thinking that if Daniel Day Lewis loses the Oscar, then it had better be to Joaquin Phoenix or I'll take to my bed for days.
I think if "Life of Pi" won the most Oscars (including Best Picture), then people can relax about this whole "Argo" vs "Zero Dark Thirty" vs "Silver Linings Playbook" war.
ALSO, I think if Bradley Cooper wins the Oscar, then my dream of Tara Reid (with the right dramatic role) winning one in the future has a better shot of coming true.
I was thinking that if ARGO wins the Oscar then George Clooney will have an acting Oscar and a producing Oscar. Michael Douglas is the only other instance I can think of in which that happened.
I was thinking that if Adele lost the Oscar then the sky would ACTUALLY fall.
I was thinking if Emanuelle Riva won the Oscar, then I could forget (for a moment) that Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kim Basinger , Reese Whiterspoon and Sandra Bullock are Oscar winners AND Glenn Close, Julianne Moore, Sigourney Weaver, Laura Linney, Joan Allen, Toni Collette, Annette Bening are not.
I was thinking that if Emmanuelle Riva won the Oscar then I would break down into a babbling brook of tears and hysterics for such a beautiful performance to go recognized - my biggest Oscar freak-out since Juliette Binoche's triumph.
I was thinking if Emmanuelle Riva lost to Jessifer I would scream for days (seriously, after seeing Amour . . . there is NO CONTEST).
I was thinking if Anne Hathaway won her Oscar it might help the casting of Into the Woods (wishful thinking).
I was thinking that if Jessica Chastain won the Oscar, I might get back a measure of respect for the Academy that I had been ground into the dust in the last decade. I was thinking that if ZD30 miraculously and deservedly wins BP, then maybe I'll be persuaded that the Academy is no longer a eunuch.
And I was thinking that if Affleck wins BD over Spielberg, Lee and Haneke, then we'll have to rename the award Most Pitied Director, dismantle the Academy, and place all AMPAS voters into the witness protection program.
I was thinking that if Moonrise Kingdom wins the Original Screenplay Oscar then I will do an impeccably art directed slow motion jump for joy, scored to a classic 70s rock song.
I was thinking that if either Lincoln or Beasts of the Southern Wild win Best Adapted Screenplay and Moonrise Kingdom wins for Best Screenplay then I will go to bed a very happy lady. It's all about the story...and it KILLS me that the screenwriter is the lowest on the film industry totem pole.
Roark, Fame by David Bowie? LOL
I was thinking that if Jennifer Lawrence won the Oscar I would lose the iota of respect I have left for the Academy.
I was thinking that if Emmanuelle Riva won the Oscar then people will get pissed off, talking about how the Academy is "out of touch" and complaining about the "random old French lady" who "stole" the Oscar that should have gone to the hot pretty young thing of the moment (all of which that are nominated this year WILL have better performances than these in the future), but Oscar obsessives and cinephiles will weep for joy.
But if Daniel Day-Lewis loses the Oscar, people will ALSO complain about how "out of touch" the Academy is and rag on whoever does win, who nonetheless will have given a great performance and most likely doesn't already have an Oscar (although, truth be told, I'm still voting/holding out hope for Denzel).
denny -- ugh. that's SO true. I keep agreeing with you today. I just read a piece that infuriated me about how "out of touch" the academy was for ignoring Ben Affleck (i have to keep reminding people that he himself is nominated for the very top category!) when in reality if you look at the nominees and the box office and the reviews and the whole film year -- the academy actually seems to have paid very close attention and agreed consistently with moviegoers and critics this year.
morals of the story are, as ever, A) the Academy can never win B) the academy has never not been "relevant" because every year people scream about them being "irrelevant" which can't be true because it wouldn't upset people so much if they weren't. No one would pay them any attention.
Brookesboy - ha! That's perfect!
I have two:
I was thinking that if Michael Haneke won the Oscar (for Best Director!), then it would be by far the most cinephile-friendly decision in that or any other category in the Academy's history.
I was thinking that if either Daniel Day-Lewis or Anne Hathaway lost the Oscar, then it would be pretty much pointless to predict the Oscars from now on, because a loss for either would confirm that the Academy is now definitely in a phase of going their own way.
I was thinking that if Sally Field won the Oscar, then it would be the highest perfect score for any actor in the history of the awards.
Sorry...brain cramp! Meant to type "if Affleck had been nominated and won BD over...". Typing too fast lol
I was thinking that if Silver Linings Playbook won Best Picture and Supporting Actor, then the bright side would be that those awards would not be going to Django Unchained.
I was thinking that if Hugh Jackman won the Oscar then millions around the world would scream, "Yes! Yes! Yes! and their lovers would reap the benefits.