Monday
Sep092013
Besties Bounce Bell Bio-Pic
Monday, September 9, 2013 at 1:50PM 
JA from MNPP here - I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but don't you just love forever besties Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts? I saw them once walking into the movie theater in Union Square in New York and I spent weeks contemplating what they were going to see. I mean, I can't be the only one who spends an unhealthy amount of time imagining them laying on a sofa, both in sweatpants, Naomi's head in Nicole's lap, a comically enormous bowl of popcorn on Naomi's belly, as they nosh and watch some difficult and demanding foreign film and see who can call dibs on the director first, right? That's totally how it rolls.
Anyway, picture that. Only this time Naomi rolls over, spilling some kernels on the floor, super sad. "Aww, what's wrong, puss-puss?" Nicole Asks. Nicole calls Naomi "puss-puss" in this scenario. Just go with it. And yes, Nicole is nervous that Naomi's going to bring up the reviews for Adore, or even worse the Princess Di bio-pic - Nicole has her own bio-pic worries, what with that guy who was supposed to be cutting the trailer for Grace of Monaco having fallen off the face of the Earth and all. But Naomi doesn't have any of that on her mind, thankfully. "I don't think I can make the Herzog movie," she cries. Ahh, Nicole thinks. The Gertrude Bell bio-pic! That's a juicy one! Nicole's laser quick control of her facial features kicks in - do not let on your glee, she thinks! "Oh no, puss-puss. That's terrible. We both love Herzog so much." She emphasizes "both," but not too dramatically.
And so it goes. As Naomi goes and dries her tears in the bathroom, Nicole reaches into the drawer of the side table stealthily, pulling out her long-ago scribbled list of names - Auteurs I Will Work With One Day, it says in large block letters. She draws a firm red line through Werner Herzog with a smile. She'll wait to call her agent tomorrow; now's the time to bust out the box of wine from the fridge and soften Naomi up for the transition.
In the bathroom, Naomi flushes the toilet and speaks quietly into her cell-phone. "Hey Werner. It's puss-puss. We got her. No worries."
Reader Comments (21)
Too funny! I'm probably going to read this at least a dozen more times, until my subconscious firmly believes this is how it went down.
Please tell me this is your recounting of a documentary. (Come to think of it, there SHOULD be a documentary about those two.)
THIS IS BRILLIANT. Thanks :)
Watts was the best choice. Botox-faced Kidman, seriously? Herzog and Watts were perfect for Queen of the Desert. Absolutely disappointed of how things went down.
Just how bad is Diana? Guess there goes the Oscar nom.
LMAO..this makes my day!
Between this and Cotillard doing Macbeth, it has been a great few months for recastings.
Oh, and Rooney Mara doing the Haynes film.
Maybe Nicole should stay away from "auteurs"!!!!
Hilarious! I come back to TFE and this is waiting for me. Nicole fits the part better than Naomi. Perhaps whatever location shoot became unworkable for her.
saw Adore and adore I did not. A relationship story between Naomi and Robin's characters (lesbian or not) would have been more interesting.
@justme This is a wonderful commnunity. You really should stick to Just Jared.
I'm with you, City of Lights, I totally agree with the last line of your post. (I don't have any knowledge of "Queen" or "Adore" to agree or disagree with you on the first two lines.).
Courtesy toward each other and toward actors prevails here, thankfully. The discussions at The Film Experience are fascinating. Who knows if actors also visit TFE? It would be a shame if they were initially intrigued by TFE and then abandoned it because of some of the comments!
Diana's reviews are so bad. Nicole Kidman was the better choice for QOTD and Diana!
Oh, this had me rolling. I really need them to do a buddy comedy together or something.
And the mention of Nicole's "auteur checklist" reminded me of that similar graphic that originated on this very site. Was Herzog on it? I can't remember. :P
And I just want to see this damn movie to happen. The idea of Herzog going all Herzog-y with this subject and Kidman sounds too perfect for words. I don't think he's ever done a female-led film like this, which is exciting. And Naomi is lovely but like City Lights said, Nicole seems like a much better fit for Bell anyway.
This was AMAZING. More, please.
LOVE it. Thank you :)
thanks for the lolz, JA. just what i needed last night when I read it.
I don't want to believe in a fictional universe in which Naomi Watts has one over on Nicole Kidman. She just doesn't.
What do you think made her dropping out of the project? Did Werner read Diana's reviews and force her to leave or watts had a deep breakdown after that Diana' s reception?
I like to think that Naomi asked Nicole if she could take her place and when she agreed they both skyped with Werner and Naomi was all "Sorry Werner, I can't do the project anymore, but I found a replacement" and then on walks Nicole and everyone cheers.
Naomi was attached to QOTD for so long, its seems very odd for her to drop out now, especially when they start filming soon. Maybe the Diana/Adore/Sunlight JR/Movie 43 flops were too much to take in one year.
or Maybe Nicole Kidman snatched it away from her, hope this doesnt affect their friendship.
I was in spits while reading this. Hilarious stuff. Hats off, JA, to your imagining power.
On a serious note, it's more than obvious that Naomi is the more sought after actress today. [Kidman more popular among general public] and considering the amount of project coming her way she had to make some tough decisions. The announcement of another master documentarian's film Holland, Michigan coincided with this news, which conclusively tells us that Naomi left Werner for Errol Morris. It could be due to many reasons, but primarily I think because Queen of Desert would have required a much longer commitment and considering roles are coming to Naomi thick and fast, the decision to forego would allow her to do couple of extra films.
I also hope, she takes up the long gestating Marilyn project [though I doubt she will after Diana's response]. Anyways, expect more film announcements with Naomi in them since she now has the extra 4-5 months which previously she would have reserved for Queen.