Quick Belated Reviews: AmbuLAnce, Deep Water, The Northman

by Nathaniel R

We know we know. We need to get better about always reviewing things in a timely manner here at TFE. Here are quick takes on some movies we have said too little about -- at least in a reviewish kind of way, two of which we'd heartily recommend and one quite unexpectedly...

AMBULANCE
What if cocaine became (near) sentient and directed a movie? It might look something like this given Jake Gyllenhaal’s hyper eye-popping performance, or the kind of non-stop spazzy plot turns that might only happen if no one involved had slept during filming or were making it up as they went along. Everyone was slaphappy saying delirious things like ‘what if Speed where the bus can’t go below 50 AND they have to cosplay House and perform death-defying miracle surgeries while careening through the streets?!? ’ Cocaine the Auteur has watched a lot of Michael Bay movies and can’t stop finger-quoting or actually verbally referencing them while programming the most gonzo drone shots that you’ll ever see. These can only be described as ‘point-of-view’ shots if the view was from a flock of suicidal seagulls sky-diving down Los Angeles building towards explosions, pavement, and the undersides of moving cars towards certain death. Which is all a long of saying that the high ends quickly and you won’t have much to show for it but the movie is pretty damn fun and exciting in the moment. B

DEEP WATER
When did Ben Affleck become the best thing about his movies? This is a very recent surprise development.  For the bulk of his career he’s been eclipsed by much livelier co-stars or directors with more charisma than their star. (We shan’t conjecture as to how this happened but it did happen after he stepped behind the camera for his own directorial projects and his charmed offscreen life began to implode). In projects as different as the alcoholic sports drama The Way Back, the coming of age memoir The Tender Bar, and now the erotic thriller Deep Water he’s undeniably the MVP… all without noticeably altering his sometimes stiff delivery and not particularly expressive face. Did he just grow into his screen presence? Was he always meant to be a fine recessive middle-age actor? Sadly, this erotic thriller from the former king of the abandoned genre Adrian Lyne, isn’t the comeback we’d hope for for Lyne. The movie is weirdly coy with its sex scenes (in that there are almost none of them) and it feels like there are chunks missing throughout obscuring the satisfaction of the inevitable escalation to full thriller. The entire supporting cast is underwritten to the point where the actors have almost nothing to do other than look pretty (Finn Wittrock, Jacob Elordi, Brendan Miller) or go full Ham to liven things up (hello Tracy Letts). The only true point of interest, which Affleck sells very well, transforming his previous bugs into a feature, is in trying to decode exactly how Affleck's obscenely wealthy early-retiree feels about his open marriage. How unbothered or bothered is he about the way his promiscuous wife (Ana De Armas) parades her himbo conquests in front of him and their friends? C

THE NORTHMAN
From a blind seeress, to a painterly naked moonlit embrace, through a volcanic eruptions as masculine backdrop lighting, Robert Eggers third film, The Northman, is awash in indelible imagery. Those are just three examples but there are many more culminating in an absolutely mesmerizing mythological vision. While the skeletal structure of The Northman is Shakespeare's Hamlet, its mind and soul are arguably less complex. Still, Eggers finds numerous nearly alien ways to graft on historic Nordic flesh and muscle... and not just through the literal musculature of Alexander Skarsgárd's hulking violent manchild. It's clear that Amleth's (Skarsgård) development, beyond his body, stopped upon his father's murder by his treacherous uncle, Fjölnir the Brotherless (Claes Bang). That's the little discussed reason why The Northman's most shocking scene is of the motherly grotesque. When Prince Amleth finally comes to rescue Queen Gudrún (Nicole Kidman), the moment fails to live up to its expectations. While The Northman isnt, in the end, as wholly perfect as Eggers debut The VVitch, he's still three-for-three and more ambitious each time he gets behind the camera. In a world of IP driven movies, endless franchises, and "house styles" we give thanks that auteurs still remain and that some of them find funding! They may be a dying breed but they're not going quietly.  B+

Comments

[Marcos Celesia]

In the same way as we wondered "Is it necessary?" when Spielberg announced that he would remake West Side Story, we must now get used to the idea that Ben Aflleck is going to remake Witness for the Prosecution. Is it necessary?

[cal roth]

I can't find it anywhere, but I am dying to see the French version of Deep Water since I was informed of its existence. Isabelle Huppert and Jean-Louis Trintigant play the leads. Enough said.

[David]

I don't think Affleck or Skarsgard have much screen presence. There's a bland oatmeal vibe to them that I can never get past. But I'll probably see The Northman for Bjork and Kidman.

[davidandwaffles]

It came and went so fast, I did not realize that AbmbuLAnce was stylized that way, and now I'm newly annoyed at a movie that barely exists.

[thevoid99]

Never will watch Ambulance or anything Michael Bay has done. He's never made a watchable film since The Rock and why would that change? People complain about all of these filmmakers and their bad behavior yet he's among the worst considering that he is a xenophobic misogynist who doesn't know how to keep the camera still for more than 8 seconds.

I swear, if someone tied him up to a chair and forced him to watch a Bela Tarr film. I believe that his head will explode. Michael Bay is and always will be the worst filmmaker working today.

[thevoid99]

Never will watch Ambulance or anything Michael Bay has done. He's never made a watchable film since The Rock and why would that change? People complain about all of these filmmakers and their bad behavior yet he's among the worst considering that he is a xenophobic misogynist who doesn't know how to keep the camera still for more than 8 seconds.

I swear, if someone tied him up to a chair and forced him to watch a Bela Tarr film. I believe that his head will explode. Michael Bay is and always will be the worst filmmaker working today.

[Peggy Sue]

I like the last half of Deep Water when everything goes bananas. Tracy Letts is hilarious.

The Northman should have been silent with guttural sounds only. Good movie.

[Peggy Sue]

I like the last half of Deep Water when everything goes bananas. Tracy Letts is hilarious.

The Northman should have been silent with guttural sounds only. Good movie.