Oscar Decree "Thou Shalt Not Perform Cunnilingus."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 1:05PM Oscar Trivia!
If you want to be nominated for an Oscar there is one thing you must never do onscreen. You must not go down on a woman. Mila Kunis (Black Swan), Ryan Gosling (Blue Valentine) and Julianne Moore (The Kids Are All Right) all learned this the hard way this Oscar nom' morning. For their sins of servicing the Natalies, Michelles & Annettes of this world, they are banish-ed.
[I was about to insert a blurry screencap here but thought better of it!]
Know the sexual rules, Oscar hopefuls!
Jules: And then my tongue started working again.
[Laughter]
Nic: We've been glued at the hip ever since.
Paul: No doubt.
Oh sure this was totally okay in the seventies for Jon Voight but he was playing a paraplegic and Jane Fonda is Jane Fonda. Who wouldn't?
Reader Comments (28)
Going down on Natalie or not, Mila Kunis did not deserve a nomination. She was ok, she did her job, she did what was required, but that was it. Nothing special or extraordinary about it.
Interestingly, though, all those who received DID get nominated. What is the Academy saying here?
I completely agree with Amanda ; she did her job ... nothing special.
I dunno, Kunis was clearly special enough to fantasize about!
Andreas -- i know! Although the MPAA hates it when a woman *experiences* pleasure, apparently Oscar does not. They just don't want anyone to be helping her along ... or something.
LOL @ Nathaniel... Extremely good observation!!!
There's another rule this year: if you want your film to be nominated, have some arms cut off in it! Really, "127 Hours", "True Grit" and "Winter's Bone".
LOL!
also add Harvey Keitel to the list (snubbed for THE PIANO) who gave head to Holly Hunter
although, Hilary Swank did *win* after going down on Chloë Sevigny (in a very graphic scene no less)
Ha!
That shot of Annette and Julianne has got to go down (no pun intended) in the fake overlaughing Hall of Fame. It's right up there with Ray Liotta in the "Funn, how?" scene in Goodfellas.
Howler -- omg. you are brillz. I'm stealing that one!
Was watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" last night... wish Mila had gotten in.
John Krasinski also didnt get nominated for "Away we go". Maybe because he got down on Maya Rudolph, but to be fair he was never really in the race. (Cant understand why)
What i don't get is how they can nominate williams and not gosling they are in the same film him doing greater work than her and better than his 2006 nommed performance,what gives?
Nathaniel.... didn't you post awhile back (it may have been a few years, even) that women who masturbate onscreen never get Oscar noms either? (I'm thinking here of Naomi Watts in Mulholland Drive, who was not only CRIMINALLY snubbed, but also mentioned in this remembered post) If this is the case, is Natalie Portman this first girl to pull it off? (no pun intended there either) Or do you have examples where some other ladies who get down with themselves have gotten Oscar attention?
Nathaniel,
All year you were hoping your Justin Timeberlake Social Network prediction would happen, but once the Friends with Benefits trailer came out with him servicing Kunis, he too was banish-ed.
Ok. This is hilarious! I remember that post about Natalie!
Nathaniel you should dig into this... and even go a little further: What about blowjobs? Considering how sexist the Academy is I don't really know where they stand about them...
is that so wrong -- haha. no. you know who spoiled that particular theory? AMY ADAMS in Junebug! (Joan Allen Pleasantville, Bonnie Bedelia in Presumed Innocent, Kim Basinger 9 1/2 weeks, Kathleen Turner in Crimes of Passion and Naomi Watts Mulholland Dr were some self-pleasuring snubbees before her!)
So actors can bang lesbians (Ruffalo), cook meth (Hawkes), screw over your friends out of millions (Eisenberg), smoke crack (Bale), or order a hit on your grandson (Weaver) and get a nomination, but you lick a vagina, you have no chance.
This article is TOO funny, yet also scarily astute. It is kind of funny to wonder what goes through the Academy members minds when they fill out their ballots--"well, I loved Julianne in TKAAR, but she went down on Annette...ewwww"...FAIL!
Although I am BEYOND happy for Michelle Williams's nomination...I seriously cannot fathom how you can put her down at #1 and not him...seriously, neither performance would exist without the other (in my opinion)...both of them are equally strong, and both their performances feed off of each other...strange....
Ben -- that's about it ;)
Aaron - that does seem odd. I did hope (though i wasn't expecting it) that they'd both make it ala What's Love Got To Do With It (where Fishburne was a semi-surprise) or Leaving Las Vegas (where Shue was in danger of getting the boot from Jennifer Jason Leigh for Georgia) because those "sets" are so important to those films, you know?
skyfly -- BEN STILLER in Greenberg never got any traction this year either (but for that Spirit nomination) but then even GRETA GERWIG wasn't championing his licking skillz :)
Fantastic observation.
And I got one more. Viggo Mortensen did the unmentionable on Maria Bello in A History of Violence - Snub!
Wow! Damn right, and I think I can answer Peggy Sue's question about BJs since it's the feminine threat that's so on the table, so subverient-ish positioning is a-okay, provided especially if you're a hard-workin' ho, which makes it Oscar GOLD.
The snubbing I think comes from the terror we all feel, the helplessness, in the wake of the female cunnilingual orgasm... if we can pull it off. Never underestimate the power of unconscious misogynistic puritanism... or the vengeance craved when you can't get your own.
I find these posts hilarious ... and I want to join in, but seriously....?????
Best factoid of Oscar Nomination Day. Certainly worthy of mention by the hosts...
JAMES FRANCO: I see Annette Bening, Natalie Portman, and Michelle Williams in the audience tonight. All are nominated for Best Actress, and all were... how should I put it... beneficiaries of a certain sexual act in their respective movies.
ANNE HATHAWAY: Careful. I see where you're going here.
FRANCO: Quiet. Meanwhile, the actors who had to perform these sexual acts -- Julianne Moore, Mila Kunis, and Ryan Gosling -- all failed to get nominated.
HATHAWAY: I'm sure there were other factors involved...
FRANCO: Seriously, Academy, you couldn't bother to honor the people that put in the hard work? So now I'm looking at the other people who WERE nominated...
HATHAWAY: Please don't tell a Geoffrey Rush joke...
FRANCO: And I see that Geoffrey Rush is the only people nominated this year for portraying a cunning linguist.
Maybe they were all raised in isolation with the Dogtooth kids and thought they'd get a gift? Well, maybe they did get a gift, but a nomination it was not.
Oh, Dogtooth....
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