Bring your own favorites! Oh wait, never mind. They already brought them. Any number of nominees will do!
The Golden Satellites are the craziest awards group that no one celebrates for their crazy. Mostly, we suspect, because their crazy is so eternally undefined. They change their rules. They change their number of nominees. It's impossible to follow their logic from year to year and even within a year. Moving targets are hard to hit but that's true not just for criticism but for love and interest. Do the Satellites even exist or are they figments of our imaginations each year right about this time?
Their possibly imaginary nominees have been announced and War Horse leads the pack with eight nominations. The full nomination list is hidden after the jump because the names are legion. To make this more fun I've highlighted what did NOT get nominated since it seems like everything did but appearances can be deceiving.
Best Picture:
The Artist
The Descendants
Drive
The Help
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Moneyball
Shame
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
War Horse
NOT INCLUDED DESPITE TOO MANY NOMINEES: the one that sounds like a prayer and makes you cry with its pretty pictures, the one about 9/11, the one about the boy who lived, the one about the apes rising because it's their planet now ok?, and the one about the politicians and the one about the girl with that tattoos, the one with subtitles... any of them.
Best Actor:
George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonardo diCaprio, J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Ryan Gosling, Drive
Tom Hardy, Warrior
Woody Harrelson, Rampart
Gary Oldman, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Michael Shannon, Take Shelter
NOT INCLUDED DESPITE TOO MANY NOMINEES: the silent movie star, the immigrant daddy, and the wrestling coach and Adam Sandler who played two roles in Jack and Jill. Respect!
Best Actress:
Olivia Colman, Tyrannosaur
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Vera Farmiga, Higher Ground *
yay*
Elizabeth Olsen, Martha Marcy May Marlene
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Emily Watson, Oranges and Sunshine
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Michelle Yeoh, The Lady
NOT INCLUDED DESPITE TOO MANY NOMINEES: that girl with the crazy jaw and crazier psyche, that girl who was all "no big whoop" about the earth ending because it's evil y'all, that androgyne who just won the NBR, and the girl who keeps winning the Breakthrough awards.
Best Supporting Actor:
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Colin Farrell, Horrible Bosses
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method
Nick Nolte, Warrior
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Andy Serkis, Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Christoph Waltz, Carnage
Hugo Weaving, Oranges and Sunshine
NOT INCLUDED DESPITE TOO MANY NOMINEES: anyone who was looking askance at Charlize Theron in Young Adult, anyone who was tinkering tailoring soldiering or spying, anyone who was horsing around at war. And anyone who was extremely loud (unless you count Branagh who was definitely LOUD "it's like teaching Urdu to a badger!!!") or incredibly close (unless you count Waltz on account of the tight proximity of that movie. He just couldn't get out of that apartment and you know it was a confined space because Jodie Foster was there and she only stars in movies that take place in tight spaces.)
Best Supporting Actress:
Jessica Chastain, The Tree of Life
Elle Fanning, Super 8
Lisa Feret, Mozart's Sister
Judy Greer, The Descendants
Rachel McAdams, Midnight in Paris
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Carey Mulligan, Shame
Vanessa Redgrave, Coriolanus
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Kate Winslet, Carnage
NOT INCLUDED DESPITE TOO MANY NOMINEES: the silent movie star, the other Jessica Chastains (they're everywhere!), the rascally daughter in Hawaii, Jodie Foster in her tight spaces, any of the Bridesmaids. You have ten nominees and no room for any of them Satellites? Fu-- Oh My God I Just Noticed That Rachel McAadams Was Nominated LOL She Was Terrible. Is this an avant garde Razzie campaign?
Best Director:
Tomas Alfredson, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
John Michael McDonagh, The Guard
Steve McQueen, Shame
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Nicolas Winding Refn, Drive
Martin Scorsese, Hugo
Steven Spielberg, War Horse
Tate Taylor, The Help
NOT INCLUDED DESPITE TOO MANY NOMINEES: Malick, Almodovar, Daldy, Miller, Farhadi, Fincher, and whoever directed that Jack and Jill movie.
Best Foreign Film:
Faust
The Kid With The Bike
Las Acadias
Le Havre
Miss Bala
Mozart's Sister
Mysteries of Lisbon
A Separation
13 Assassins
The Turin Horse
I like to call foreign film categories: the only movies with subtitles that people in whichever awards body voted this time noticed this year.
Best Animated or Mixed Media Film:
The Adventures of Tintin
Kung Fu Panda 2
The Muppets
Puss In Boots
Rango
Rio
aren't all movies mixed media now?
Best Documentary:
American: The Bill Hicks Story
Cave of Forgotten Dreams
The Interrupters
My Perestroika
One Lucky Elephant
Pina
Project Nim
Tabloid
Senna
Under FIre: Journalists in Combat
no comment
Best Original Screenplay:
Paddy Considine, Tyrannosaur
Rene Feret, Mozart's Sister
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life
John Michael McDonagh, The Guard
Steve McQueen & Abi Morgan, Shame
what a weird lineup. nothing against any of these nominees but. what a weird lineup. weirdness∞
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Steven Moffat and Joe Cornish & Edgar Wright, The Adventures of Tintin
Glenn Close and John Banville, Albert Nobbs
Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash, The Descendants
Tate Taylor, The Help
Steve Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin, Moneyball
Lee Hall and Richard Curtis, War Horse
Best Original Score:
Soul Surfer
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Super 8
Drive
Water For Elephants
War Horse
Best Original Song:
"Bridge of Light" (Happy Feet 2)
"Gathering Stories" (We Bought a Zoo)
"Hello Hello" (Gnomeo and Juliet)
"Lay Your Head Down" (Albert Nobbs)
"Life is a Happy Song" (The Muppets)
"Man or Muppet" (The Muppets)
Best Cinematography:
Faust
War Horse
The Tree of Life
Hugo
The Artist
Drive
DRIVE. Hell yeah.
Best Visual Effects:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Hugo
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Super 8
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse
How you go and ignore The Tree of Life here and put in... War Horse?
Best Film Editing:
The Guard
War Horse
Drive
The Descendants
Shame
Warrior
The Descendants for editing is weird to me. No Moneyball for editing make-a me sad.
Best Sound:
Drive
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Super 8
The Tree of Life
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
War Horse
Best Art Direction:
Anonymous
The Artist
Faust
Hugo
Mysteries of Lisbon
Water For Elephants
Best Costume Design:
Mysteries of Lisbon
The Artist
Anonymous
Faust
Jane Eyre
Water For Elephants
Mary Pickford Award
For Outstanding Artistic Contribution To The Entertainment Industry
Mitzi Gaynor
Nikola Tesla Award
In Recognition Of Visionary Achievement In Filmmaking Technology
Douglas Trumbull
Auteur Award
Peter Bogdanovich
Humanitarian Award
Tim Hetherington (1970-2011)
Best Ensemble, Motion Picture
The Help Dreamworks/Touchstone
anyone wanna place bets on how many ensemble prizes the ladies from The Help are going to win before the season is over? anyone?
Best First Feature
Paddy Considine, Tyrannosaur Strand Releasing
omg. somebody besides JC Chandor's Margin Call won something for "first"!
Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 11:45PM
Reader Comments (33)
Ya gotta laugh at the Golden Satellites, you just do. Even the notion of a spin-off from the HFPA is funny.
The one big change this year is that they dropped the Comedy/Musical categories. I swear they used to have Comedy/Musical Supporting Actress. Ironic they dropped it this year, since they could have filled it with the 'Bridesmaids' cast.
At least there's a film in there I've never heard of: Mozart's Sister. Off to look it up on IMDB.
Rachel McAdams?! Are they just pulling these out of a hat?
Where is Kirsten Dunst and Melancholia. How could the Golden Satelites, who usually gets points for lunacy, ignore one of the best films of 2011? The Tree of Life is missing from Best Picture yet Drive, which is good but not THAT good, made it. And why does Colin Farrell present?
They could have at least gone for Kathy Bates or Allison Pill for Midnight in Paris.
@Mike F hahaha, that's what I thought too. I think it's a lottery.
Water for Elephants for Best Score? My God, the world is ending indeed.
Oh you’ve GOT to be kidding me. Like it’s not frustrating enough that they have a gazillion nominees in each category, now their honoring lesser work over far superior in the same films?!?
Rachel McAdams > Marion Cotillard?!?
Terrence Malick’s script > Terrence Malick’s directing?!?
Judy Greer > Shailene Woodley?!?
*bangs head against wall*
But the one that REALLY kills me is the citation of "WARRIOR"’s Tom Hardy over Joel Edgerton… That. Pisses. Me. Off.
Being a little contrarian is one thing but this is just fucking ridiculous.
LOL Colin Farrell in Horrible Bosses! What?!
I think one day I might wake up and too find myself a golden satellite nominee
LOL, Mike F ftw!
Um.....Kirsten Dunst missed this nomination how..?
And Rachel McAdams lolol.
Finally some love for Close, Farmiga, and especially Yeoh, both are so deserving.
I find it so odd that The Artist is nominated, but Dujardin isn't. I thought they go hand-in-hand.
So glad to see some of the people I've been rooting for (Farmiga, Close & McTeer, Waltz & Winslet), but their inclusion is sort of lessened by the fact that Rachael McAdams, Tate Taylor, and Colin Ferrel are nominated...
The fact that Rachel McAdams got nominated for that horrendous performance makes me want to literally keel over and vomit a la Team America.
As I wrote before, I think The Help will win ALL the best ensemble awards which is just awful because the only one who delivers a true performance there is Viola Davis. The rest are archetypes.
Kate Winslet!
Hmmm.. still trying to figure out who is "that girl with the crazy jaw and crazier psyche." Think, Evan, Think!
Also- Tate Taylor in Directing. LOL. I love The Help, but due to its heart, not its direction.
Lisa Feret as Supporting Actress???? I don't recall a single scene in which she wasn't present.
@Evan Keira Knighley
Alex -- and Bejo was skipped too. so no ARTIST acting nods
popcorn -- right u are.
The TV stars they nominate are usually the ones who show for the presentation, but Glenn Close should be happy--she was finally recognized this week. Anyway, they made more good choices than bad, better than the Critics groups this week.
Oh! I didn't notice before. Taylor but no Malick? What can I say?
"Golden Satellite Potluck Nomination Party!"
LOL, you always made my day! Nat, you are the coolest guy ever, totally got the best sense of humor and so out of the ordinary.
None of these pre-awards/silly awards noms matter. I am waiting to hear the SAG and Broadcast nominations. They are sure the ones in my opinion to set the pedestal to the Kodak center.
i defend Rachel McAdams:her ass is very "distracting" in MIDNIGHT IN PARIS (my first thought after to see the movie)
their choices are sometimes weird but there are many movies that i didn't see here
I hope The Chemical Bros. get some awards love this season for their memorable score to "Hanna". Rooting for "Drive"!
Okay, I hate to be that person, but what is the movie that "sounds like a prayer and makes you cry with its pretty pictures"?
Tree of Life?
Clearly, I don't pray enough.
And I'm going to agree with Steve G. and say that the biggest surprise here is that they dropped the comedy/drama split. You think there are too many nominees now? People, there could have been twice as many. The horror...
RALPH- LISA FERET in Mozart's Sister plays the daughter of the king...the leading girl is MARIE FERET who plays, ça va sans dire, Nannerl, the Mozart's sister of the title. MARIE and LISA are sisters
Lisa's nomination is surprising but correct for what concernes the category placement
Whilst I agree that Rachel McAdams shouldn't be winning any awards, I'm unsure what ANY actress could have done with that part.
I am not ashamed to admit that I laughed heartily at that photo at the beginning of the post. Nathaniel, I salute you.
MIRKO - thx for the info. I saw Nannerl a couple of months ago. I knew that the leading role was played by the director's daughter. But I didn't know that the other girl was played by another daughter of him and the leading actress' sister.
What's with the massive hate-on for Rachel McAdams? True, her performance in Midnight in Paris wasn't great by any means, but she had the thankless task of working with an underwritten role. All things considered, the role itself was pretty one note - shrewish girlfriend.
That said, if anyone should have gotten a nom from MIP, it should have been Cotillard or Pill.
Chris -- thank u. glad someone got the silly joke.
Ben1283 -- this is true. Terrible role. I just think a nomination is beyond reason -- thus the avant garde razzie campaign quip -- even considering the terrible hand she was dealt.