Things Johnny Depp's 'Into the Woods' Costume Makes Him Look Like
Thursday, October 23, 2014 at 2:53PM Margaret here, examining the first image released of Johnny Depp as The Wolf in Into the Woods.
Take it in. There is a lot going on here. Allow me to guide you through it via the magic of list-making.
THINGS THIS COSTUME MAKES JOHNNY DEPP LOOK LIKE, FROM GREATEST RESEMBLANCE TO LEAST
1. A first-round cut from Big Bad Voodoo Daddy auditions
2. Zsa Zsa Gabor's mustachioed coat rack
3. The illegitimate lovechild of Carmen Sandiego and Templeton the Rat
4. A pile of 1970s car seat covers in dire need of a shampoo
5. The Mask when he watches Cameron Diaz sing for the first time
6. The "after" in a poorly executed "Smokey Eye" makeup tutorial
7. Johnny Depp on a regular Thursday
8. Fanciest presenter at the WerePimp convention
9. A Zoobilee Zoo
10. A Halloween costume assembled from whatever was left at Party City at 8pm, Oct. 31
11. Villain of Wallace & Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit live-action reboot
12. Zorro making a surprise cameo in the "What Does the Fox Say?" video
13. A magically animated bearskin rug
14. Cruella de Ville's less fashionable younger brother
15. A Very Manly Muppet or a Muppet of a Man
16. The pirating industry's most sought-after stylist
17. Fantastic Mr. Fox cosplayer
19. A molding vintage print ad for mustache wax
18. Huggy Bear
20. [Insert name of any widely ridiculed celebrity offspring here]
21. What Johnny Depp is supposed to look like when he finally works with someone other than Tim Burton
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100. a wolf
Any suggestions for additions to the list?
Reader Comments (31)
101. A Best Supporting Actor contender
There's definitely some Tex Avery big bad wolf influence here.
This list made me giggle-snort tea out of my nose. Bravo, Margaret!
I instantly thought Number 18-hats off to you on this list Margaret.
#2 and #4 made my day
One of the looks of the bottom 3 contestants on an episode of Project Runway.
22: A man who skinned Na'vi and shaved anime characters for his look.
He looks like something Heidi Klum will wear for her Hallowe'en costume next year.
Either that or he looks like what Liberace would look like in werewolf form. Always fabulous.
Sadly, I don't think that was the goal here.
#4 is absolutely genius.
"21. What Johnny Depp is supposed to look like when he finally works with someone other than Tim Burton"
Now, let's not act like Depp works with Burton a thousand times a year.
There's something about the way his eyes are made up that just screams Penelope Cruz to me.
102. Errol Flynn's unknown gay grandson
103. Looks like a rough footage from the Mandrake audition
104. On his way to a Liberace private party
I wish I could hate him, but I just can't. Lazy casting.
Yes, Jackie, that was my first thought as well.
Wait, you forgot... armbar!
22: Host at a Furry club.
23: That aging queen at the end of the bar who swears he hasn't had any work done and will do three runway turns on his way out.
24: Drag King pimp.
25: Future action figure at a fast food restaurant.
Love #6.
(It's a terrible look. Especially for the wolf.)
Y'all's suggestions are all a scream.
HENRY, your #23 has me in tears. Too too true!
He looks like a pimp?!
I didn't like Meryl's look when I first saw it and I certainly don't like this one at all, and still I'm pretty much convinced that Colleen is going to win her four Oscar for this*.
*I prefer Milena's Budapest Hotel.
Ugh. Been trying so hard to avoid ITW spoilers, but couldn't stop myself and watched the featurette.
I think #7 is my fave.
Does anyone know if they are testing Into the Woods yet?
I saw a test screening and, of course, I'm sworn to secrecy so, I guess, as far as you're all concerned, I might as well not have seen it.
Doesn't sworn to secrecy mean "don't reveal details" and not "you can't say if you loved or hated it"?
Yes,, unfortunately I'm not supposed to say anything about the experience. I even worried that saying I saw it was gonna get me in trouble. Lol It was like being at one of those high profile sci fi flicks where you're sworn to secrecy OR ELSE. I am DYING to talk about it so thanks very much for asking. I think it's ok to say I did go up to Rob Marshall afterwards and speak to him. :-)
billybil - JEALOUS. I have been trying to get them to let me see it early and so far no dice.
billybil, then let's forget about your experience for a moment. What exactly did you say to Rob Marshall? ;-)
billybil, I have a question, but since you can't talk about the film, I'll just put it out there for others to speculate. How do they deal with the "ick" factor of a middle aged man/wolf preying on a 13 year old girl as in the film? In the stage version the wolf is an early 20 something man (who turns into Prince Charming) preying on a woman in her late teens (usually 16-18). "Little Girl" is meant to be an uncomfortable song (and was in the original Broadway production I saw) so I'm wondering how they played this out with the greater age difference? I mean that costume screams predator and not in an "I want to eat you for sustenance" sort of way.
Henry, the archetypal "ick" factors (sexual, psychological, racial, gender-based, cultural etc.) in those fairy tales is usually glossed over or erased in pop culture renditions. I actually like this undeniable age difference, but I doubt much will be made of it.
Paul Outlaw. I hear you and if this were Into the Woods, as originally conceived and written, I would be right with you.
Really tacky. Will be a distraction from the otherwise great costuming. Sparrowesque with little relevance to the supposed Wolf character. Yup, really really tacky.