Saturday
Nov282015
Turkey Leftovers
Saturday, November 28, 2015 at 8:00AM 
What's your favorite terrible movie? At least two movies that are regularly cited in "bad movies we love" lists don't truly belong there. Elaine May's Ishtar starring the funny chemistry of Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty is not a bad movie but idiosyncratic and hilarious. Paul Verhoeven's trash epic Showgirls is actually a masterpiece that's only masquerading as a bad movie. So for truly terrible movies that are in fact awesome the correct answer is and always will be Xanadu (1980)... at least for me.
If you're not in the mood for bad movie love, consider this an open thread. How's your holiday weekend been?
Reader Comments (62)
MARY REILLY.
Diana.
Batman and Robin was my favourite film when I was about 7. Uma forever.
Valley of the Dolls
My movie tastes have changed dramatically since I was, not only a kid, but a young adult. My favorite "bad" movies (meaning, movies that at least the majority of cinephiles consider bad) used to be: House of the Spirits (I would cry and cry), Cuaron's Great Expectations, Basic Instinct, Pretty Persuation, Inventing The Abbotts, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Hook though the last two don't really count because I was too young when I fell in love with them.
Basically, as a kid, I would love almost every movie I would watch. Those were the days..
Of the ones I mentioned, maybe Expectations and Basic Instinct would hold for me, though I say that with much reservation.
Ugh, I want to mention more recent viewings so that I can say that these are the movies I *know* love while most people don't, but I have no confidence in what I would think about Kinsey, AS Good As It Gets, Perfume, Revolutionary Road, Driving Miss Daisy, The Dark Knight Rises, Murder on the Orient Express, Frozen River or The Bad Seed even if I've seen them relatively recently. I do know that I will probably always keep Notes on a Scandal in my heart even if the love has somewhat faded. I realise some of the movies I listed are not regarded as bad but mediocre. Anyway.
My favorite movie turkey is "Lambada: the Forbidden Dance".
Plot premise alone is enough to know you're in for a great spectacle: a multicultural couple fights against global warming and brings down an evil corporation by dancing the lambada.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is how awesome bad movies are made!
Out of the several marvellous terrible films that come to mind (Gymkata! The Room! Birdemic!), Sextette probably is the cream of the crop, if only for the amount of talent that embarasses itself here: Mae West in her last screenrole, Timothy Dalton (young enough to be her grandson) as her latest husband on their wedding night, Ringo Starr, George Hamilton and Tony Curtis as three of her ex-husbands - and it is a mess that has to be seen to be believed. Dalton and West singing (and I'm using this term loosely) 'Love Will Keep Us Together' will give you worse nightmares than anything that came out of Pierce Brosnan's mouth in 'Mamma Mia'. The only participant who seems to be aware how bad the film is, is Dom DeLuise (and he also seems to be the only actor who is enjoying himself immensly).
Manos: The Hands of Fate, which is so primitively assembled and haphazardly imagined it achieves escape velocity and enters Lynchian orbit.
And Supergirl. May Brenda Vaccaro go round and round on that funhouse train forever in my heart.
There are several but the first two that came to mind are Zotz! (1962) and of more recent vintage Fired Up! (2009) the best cheer camp movie since Bring It On!
I also love the original Airport although I don't consider it a bad movie many do so that would be my number one go to.
I've said it before; Ishtar. Too long, like most comedies, but featuring numerous great scenes.
Dune / Star Trek V / RoboCop 2 / Alien 3 / Girl 6 / Beloved (1998) / U Turn / Jupiter Ascending
Whoopi's 80's comedy trilogy: Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986) / Burglar (1987) / Fatal Beauty (1987)
Ishtar for me, I watched it with a friend and we had BOTH laughed at it. Needless to say we became good friends. Poor Elaine May.
More recently "Seeking a Friend at the End of the World" - I think it's funnier and a more amiable than it was given credit for.
I always say that "Mommie Dearest" is the "It's a Wonderful Life" for gays!
Thanksgiving evening, while in a food coma, I watched two hilariously awful late '60s movies, both starring Jacqueline Bisset: "The Sweet Ride" and "The Grasshopper." Classic major studio trash trying to be "with it" for young audiences, but just totally out of it...and highly entertaining. "The Grasshopper" reminded me a bit of "Showgirls" and Jackie's glitzy Vegas look in the last lap of this epic seems to be Angelina Jolie's style inspiration for "By The Sea."
"Glitter" Mariah, Oh! Mariah...
I recently re-watched Bagdad Cafe and was a little shocked by how bad it is, considering that I'd seen and loved it several times before and that it's a kind of cult classic. I still enjoyed it, but boy is most of the acting embarrassing. (Best Song Oscar nominee btw.)
And then there's The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Sometimes I think it's genius, though. Tim Curry certainly is.
Oh, yeah: House of Dark Shadows (1970) and Night of Dark Shadows (1971). Awful. But I just love them.
And I think Inherent Vice is striving (successfully) to achieve a certain '70s trashiness.
I have owned Tango & Cash on every format it's been on and watch it at least once or twice a year.
"Soldier" (1998) with Kurt Russell and Connie Nielsen, received poor reviews, but I can't turn away whenever it shows up on TV. Connie Nielsen is so lovely, and I feel such sympathy for poor Kurt. It never fails to reduce me to tears.
"The Tourist" with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. This movie is reviled, but I've seen it at least six times. Venice is so beautifully filmed, Angie's outfits are delightful, I adore the supporting cast, especially the Italians. It's sleek and lush and satisfying.
@James T. "Inventing the Abbotts" is worth it for the scene where Phoenix draws sideburns on his face with a sharpie before the dance. That scene totally encapsules sibling relationships for me. The incredulous irritation and inability to reason.
That 1980's remake of Old Aquaintence with Bissett and Bergen.
HEAD OVER HEELS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrnGD7JN2KE
The Apple! Thought I´d died and gone to camp heaven when I saw that one for the first time!
Queen of Outer Space (1958)!! Zsa Zsa Gabor is fluffing a vase of flowers or something and the lead guy comes into the room and says something along the lines of, "Sorry to interrupt you in your work, doctor." Later, a rocketship blasts off while the other characters stand right next to it waving and smiling, as opposed to being burned and/or blown to smithereens. I find most rotten movies boring, but this one is the ne plus ultra!
Galaxy Quest
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (!)
From Justin to Kelly. So amazingly terrible.
BRIGHTON ROCK So melodramatic , but it works in an oddly operatic way. Where else can you see the always interesting Riseborough, the fabulous Andy Serkis doing a great character role, and Helen Mirren doing her shtick? It makes no sense, but it believes in it's self in every frame.
U-Turn is a masterpiece
and so is Girl 6 -
I would never in my life call them guilty pleasures or turkeys - to me both are Duck a l'Orange!
I love Spread, is that considered to be a turkey?
I love The Thing (2011) - I have a thing for Mary Elizabeth Winstead!
I love Sucker Punch, unfairly maligned!
I love HUSH, because I have a thing for Gwyneth Paltrow pre-2003! She's been dull for 12 years!
Dan: If you liked that one, try and find the 1947 movie somehow. It's a pretty good British noir tale.
Travis - Galaxy Quest is not a bad movie! It's DELIGHTFUL.
The first thing that came to my mind was The Paperboy. I enjoyed that FAR better than any Oscar nominated/winning movie out that year.
Carolina - Head Over Heels is surprisingly hilarious. The models are everything.
Carol.
Howard the Duck-Awful film but it's so fun to watch.
Miami Connection. No way around it.
I would say nothing tops The Other Sister for me, even thou I've probably only seen it about 3 times. There is so much badness to enjoy! I actually think the performances by both Juliette and Ribisi are absolutely right for the genre and the tone, even if not completely realistic. Diane is at her best worst, Paulson as a lesbian, duck costumes, The Graduate references...the list goes on and on. Bonus point for the wedding meltdown scene in which Juliette kills it! Hard not to cry and then laugh.
Mommie Dearest, Galaxy Quest and The Paperboy are not "terrible" movies! They are over-the-top, intentionally or unintentionally hilarious and often in poor taste, but not terrible like the delightful Female on the Beach (1955), with Joan Crawford, Jeff Chandler, Cecil Kellaway, Jan Sterling and...Natalie ("Lovey") Schafer. I swear you can see the marks Chandler leaves on Crawford's arms every time he grabs her.
Thank God my introduction to Gene Kelly didn't begin and end with Xanadu. (The tragedy!)
Re: Basic Instinct, I'd argue that it's *not* a bad movie -- it's a veritable masterpiece next to Final Analysis (woof!) -- and Sharon Stone is, of course, aces in it (much like Faye Dunaway is, tonally, in Mommie Dearest).
Anyway, let me lob a handful of bad-movie grenades out there: Grease 2, Zapped! (1982); Avenging Angel, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Perfect (1985); Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992); Jade (1995); I'm with Lucy, Love or Something Like It (2002); The Women (2008). Go!
Crimes of Passion.
Under the Cherry Moon & Bitter Moon - but they had Kristin Scott Thomas - so...
@adri - I don't remember that scene but I'm glad someone else has seen it (is it well-known? no idea) and has something good to say about it. I lusted over Billy Crudup so much in that movie!
@Ulrich - I think Gwyneth was very good in Two Lovers.
@Mareko - I'm happy you show at least some support for Basic Instinct and of course you are right about Stone. Basically (huh), for me, she is the movie and I guess that's why I used to love it. I think I like the score, too.
Paltrow in Infamous (2006): perfection.
U-Turn is a masterpiece
and so is Girl 6 -
I would never in my life call them guilty pleasures or turkeys - to me both are Duck a l'Orange!
Movies without critical acclaim on arrival are eligible for this list. And I think both U Turn and Girl 6 received mixed to bad reviews during their release.
None of the movies I named I consider bad more so I get why they're disliked. But the outright rage and hate the genre movies I listed received annoys me.
Basic Instinct is not bad at all. It's marvelous, one of the best movies from a master of cinema.
I would have to say "Agnes of God" is mine. Not so much bad as it is horribly dated. Gosh, I just love it! Especially the scene where Anne Bancroft and Jane Fonda share a cigarette.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 days
Basic Instinct 2 is my favorite terrible movie. "You know how some guys are into blondes, and some guys are into killers?"
Ross Hunter's musical production of " Lost Horizon" a true classic of le bad cinema.
It's a tie for me between "Xanadu" and "Showgirls". Both feature incredibly bad performances by some incredible bottle blondes.
Showgirls
People keep telling me that Bewitched and Nine are my two turkeys that I love. However, that would mean I'd admit that they are bad movies, which I WILL NOT do (problematic movies with flashes of really great work... maybe I can go there). Love is love.
Tree of Life.
Clearly I just don't get it