Last Gawk at the Hunks of the Year
Sunday, January 1, 2017 at 10:00PM Year in Review continues...
We're attacking 2016 from multiple angles (with a few more categories to go so yes, we never quite fit it all into the right calendar year. Sigh). For today's topic, showbiz men and their gratuitous hunkiness. Who won our, um, "hearts" this year?
Herewith a semi-random collection of hotness.
Not Quite There but Still Sexy
We'd love to embrace Deadpool's pansexuality wholeheartedly but it's been wildly overstated by its creators and Deadpool himself Ryan Reynolds. In truth the character is a straight superhero (like all the others) only with a flirtatious teasing sexual vulgarity. This is easy to spot in the otherwise funny and raunchy "holiday f***" montage when the movie reminds us that Deadpool is no catcher (gross!), ONLY a pitcher... and his girlfriend is a lot happier to experiment than he is.
Would you take his measurements?
The Youngest Hemsworth
It was hard to even mind that the casting of The Dressmaker decided it didn't matter that Liam Hemsworth was 15 years younger than Kate Winslet though they were supposed to be the same age in the story. What mattered was the fantasy of Tilly's perfect comeback which includes winning the most eligible or at least most delicious bachelor in town. Pity about that 3rd act twist, though. Why can't we have nice things?
Animated Beefcake
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson was named sexiest man alive this year and his most popular alter ego on the screen had so much hulking muscle it was a miracle he could even move at all. But if Moana's Maui was too beefy for your tastes, gaze upon the every-man bearded-dad handsome of The Red Turtle's lead since everyone is into bears these days.
And let us all bow down to Zootopia's hilarious subversion of hunky gogo boys. Rough trade looking predators surrounds a vulnerable gazelle but are transformed into her harmless adoring backup dancers once the great pop tunes kick in.
Batter Up!
We'll let Tyler Hoechlin stand in for the whole goofy funny cocky homosocial hunkiness of Richard Linklater's unexpected lark just after his most ambitious film (Boyhood).
Easily the best thing about Train to Busan
— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) December 27, 2016
was being introduced to Gong Yoo - goddamn! pic.twitter.com/bVGrIIGj4P
Dev Patel wins Woofiest Performance of the year for Lion. So glad his character's depression didn't cut into his gym time.
— Kyle Stevens (@cinementalist) December 31, 2016
Oh Everyone's Finally Admitting That Asian Men Are Hot? We're Still Way Ahead of Hollywood!
Our primal grunted thanks to Hayden Szeto in Edge of Seventeen, Vincent Rodriguez Jr in Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Gong Yoo in Train to Busan, Joe Seo in Spa Night, and also to the casting directors and directors and studios who took a chance on them because it's about f***ing time that Hollywood plays fair with Asian actors, which is has historically ignored altogether when it wasn't desexualizing them. We're still a long way to go of course, most of the examples of Asian men in leading romantic roles are still indies or coming from rogue creative teams, but it's still so cool to see this wall finally breaking down on screens big and small.
And on that same front, a definite contender for Man of the Year...
Sneak Attack of Sexy Ubiquity
Riz Ahmed owned 2016 with his excitingly ambiguous star turn in The Night Of... which was part geek part criminal part hunk part nerd and difficult to predict in its passive and aggressive detours. He was also a comforting shoulder to cry on (metaphorically) as the counsellor in The OA, and then came that jittery and partially catatonic but eye-catching supporting role in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. We're always happy to see him. More leading roles please.
Altruistic Achievements in Gratuitous Nudity
Ralph Fiennes put it all out there for A Bigger Splash -- and we do mean all -- giving one of his best loudest craziest but still nuanced performances ever, a performance that frankly runs circles around much of what's in "the Oscar conservation." Awards groups, critics groups in particular, ignoring him is a textbook case of dereliction of duty. But we've already raved about Ralph Fiennes and how the movies -- or at least the Academy-- just doesn't deserve him.
Meanwhile in the Pacific Northwest!
Viggo Mortensen received his first Oscar nomination for Eastern Promises (2007) a movie that was instantly famous by way of its vicious and totally naked steam room brawl. Viggo may well be heading to his second Oscar nomination for Captain Fantastic (2016), dropping trou again but this time for no story reason other than that this is exactly what his counterculture character would do... including then judging and feeling superior to the people staring at him. If Viggo is nominated again he'll be the first man ever Oscar nominated twice for roles which involved full frontal nudity. That's some kind of Oscar trivia, huh?
It's only a penis. Every man has one.
FLEET WEEK FANTASY
That is all.
Oh and finally, a huge round of applause for...
more photos at OMGBLOG
Sense8's Insatiable Libido
A final thank you to the Sense8 cast on Netflix for their gleeful selfsploitation in the show's trademark orgy sequences which gets its best version ever in the Christmas special. And to the Wachowski Siblings, transwomen directors who broke out with Bound and The Matrix, who are blissfully inclusive (there are trans, gay, lesbian, cis, hetero characters of all races all getting off together and the show never places their individual desires in any kind of racial or orientation hierarchy!)
If you haven't watched the show it's about 8 people born at exactly the same moment around the world in a psychic cluster (their octo-mother, in this psychic sense, is Daryl Hannah) who are always flitting about in each other's heads. When emotions and tensions of any kind rise, they tend to help each other out with their unique skill sets. Or get each other off in the case of the show's abundant sex scenes. See, whenever any of the psychic siblings horn' up at least one or two others will join in. The threesomes, foursomes and rare all-eight-of-them orgies aren't so literal but one gets the sense that all of the sensates would be happy to engage in the real thing if they were in the same country. Sense8 isn't a particularly "good" show -- it's often meandering, nonsensical, repetitive, heavy-heanded -- but it IS a radically sex-positive creation, which makes it a total unicorn in pop culture whether you're talking TV or movies.
Sense8 understands that sex can be both a source of hedonistic pleasure and a comforting expression of emotional intimacy... if you're doing it right! There is literally no other show like Sense 8 on the air so let it run forever to help heal our world of \its damaging, repressive, and violence-encouraging sexual hangups... eight orgasms at a time!
Who would you have included in this eye candy celebration?
Year in Review
Best Movie Cats | Co-Star Chemistry | Coping Mechanisms | 25 Female Performances | Most Coveted Things | Grief and Letting Go | Ladies Who Lush | #52FilmsByWomen | Foreign Box Office Hits | Music Videos | Worst of the Year
Highlights of the Blog by Month
Jan | 88th Oscars | March | April | May | June | July | Aug | Sept | Oct | Nov | Dec
Reader Comments (26)
Who's the hot piece in the "2016 year in review" icon removing his shirt (I think?)
Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool
Viggo shows Big Viggo?
LOVE that you ended this post talking about SENSE8, a show whose undercurrent premise is that empathy transcends gender/sex/race/nationality.
I watched The Dressmaker today and it was really enjoyable and also provided the best justification for Liam Hemsworth's career so far. I usually find him so dull and void of charisma, but he was really charming in this role.
Haven't seen Train to Busan yet, but I have seen pictures of Gong Yoo and DAYUMMM!
People I'd shout out who weren't mentioned:
- Matthias Schoenaerts (A Bigger Splash)
- Trevante Rhodes & Andre Holland (Moonlight)
- Ryan Gosling (The Nice Guys & La La Land)
- Chris Hemsworth (Ghostbusters)
- Juliano Cazarré (Neon Bull)
- Raul Castillo, Murray Bartlett, & Russell Tovey (Looking: The Movie)
- Hugh Jackman (X-Men: Apocalypse - the movie isn't great and the Wolverine cameos are tired now but I will never not like looking at Hugh.)
- Jay Ellis, Y'lan Noel, Jidenna, & Langston Kerman (Insecure)
Chris Pine in Hell or High Water
Clooney's legs in Hail, Caeser!
Billy Crudup in 20th Century Women
Joel Edgerton in Loving
Chadwick Boseman, Sebastian Stan & Paul Bethany in Captain America: Civil War
Rodrigo Santoro in Westworld (S01E09-10)
Kit Harrington in Game of Thrones (S06E02)
Paul, the film junkie, -- great choices. you know i could have kept going but i felt it was best to move on before i hurt myself.
Nat: But whatta way to go, as they used to say.
keegan allen's dumb-as-a-post sexiness in king cobra
Man, clearly I need to watch Sense8...
<3 Sense8
YES Tyler goddamn
Lol already forgot sense8 was from 2016, but still dayum
Enjoyed Deadpool, but that was NOT award-worthy, let alone Reynolds' performance should never have gotten him a freaking golden globe nom.
Chris Pine in HELL OR HIGH WATER
Miles Teller in WAR DOGS (I know, I know)
Zac Efron in BAD NEIGHBOURS 2
Dave Franco in BAD NEIGHBOURS 2, NERVE
Jay Rodriguez in BAD MOMS
I meant Jay Hernandez, naturally. *sheepish*
What about adult Chiron?
As we say we brazil: QUERO
Who I'd include:
Chris Evans in Captain America: Civil War
Jake Gyllenhaal, Nocturnal Animals
Jake Lacy, Miss Sloane
Trevante Rhodes, Moonlight
Matthias Schoenaerts, A Bigger Splash
Trevante Rhodes in Moonlight!
The best thing about EVERYBODY WANTS SOME is how up for it all the men were in terms of exploitation. So many half-shirts!
I made a similar tweet about the actor from TRAIN TO BUSAN and I love how rabid his fans are. It got retweeted so much! Koreans and Kristen Stewart fans are where its at if you wanna get hundreds of retweets and favorites.
andre holland for sureeeeee. the third act of moonlight works so well partially because andre holland's knee-weakening smile and gorgeous eyes and sweet nature makes the audience understand how one can pine over this dude for a decade and forgive him when they meet again. *fans self, then weeps upon recalling third act*
The Companion....swoonworthy...BOTH actors!
Ahmed was also in Jason Bourne. He had quite the year, didn't he?
And whoa - Sense8 is way better than you're giving it credit for! It's just so FUN, so creative, so expansive and generous and interesting and curious, so easy to root for everyone you're supposed to root for, AND it has all the sexiness on top of that.
Oh, and a shout out to that one insanely sexy, furry-chested, voluntary tickle victim in "Tickled."
The dancing sailors production number from "Hail Caesar" is an instant classic
Jay Ellis in INSECURE. He's basically too hot for the role, which calls for a loving dweeb to be shat all over by his girlfriend Issa. But I'm not complaining!
Chris Pine did look like a sexy blue collar stud in "Hell and High Water" but he looks sexy in anything...
Top Ten Film Butts of the Year:
Henry Cavill, BATMAN V. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE
Garrett Clayton, KING COBRA
Luke Evans, THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN
Ralph Fiennes, A BIGGER SPLASH
Jake Gyllenhaal, NOCTURNAL ANIMALS
Tyler Hoechlin, EVERBODY WANTS SOME!!
Nick Jonas, GOAT
Tiger Go-Go Dancer, ZOOTOPIA
Ryan Reynolds, DEADPOOL
Aaron Taylor-Johnson, NOCTURNAL ANIMALS
Honorable Mention: Viggo Mortensen, CAPTAIN FANTASTIC (technically a penis)