Review: Batman v Superman (aka the Dawn of Wonder Woman)

This review originally appeared in Nathaniel's column at Towleroad

Just over a hundred years ago the movie serial was born. The stories were divided up into small chapters and kids would return each week to the movie theater to see how the cliffhanger endings were resolved. And then they’d watch the feature presentation. Cut to: March, 2016. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is now open in theaters. There’s no serial preceding it but it is one. While Warner Bros, the studio that owns the DC heroes, has several superhero shows on television and stresses that they’re unrelated to the movies, the lines are ever blurrier betwen the two mediums. In fact, Batman and Superman actually both had movie serials in the 1940s. The most popular movies seventy years later are all what you’d call “franchises”. That’s code name for a very expensive serial which doesn’t air weekly but annually. And you have to see them in movie theaters.

With serials/franchises/TV shows you’re perpetually aware that there will be another episode. So the heroes are never really in danger; contractually they’ll be back next episode/season. But let’s not leap tall buildings in a single bound into the future. Is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice a worthy movie or satisfying episode on its own?

Spoiler alert: It’s not. Many reasons why come after the jump...

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The Superheroes Are Coming. After the Oscars.

Travel with me into spring 2016 - it will help you to appreciate the now of prestige season more! 2016 is arguably the year in which we see just how insatiable the public's appetite for spandex crime fighting is. Especially now that they can watch the same on TV regularly for free with Agents of SHIELD, Arrow, Supergirl, Flash, Agent Carter, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Daredevil, Legends of Tomorrow, Gotham all on the air now or by the end of 2016. I'm not an expert on the topic but this feels like the most based-on-comics material that movies/tv have ever seen in one calendar year (There was almost even one more but Channing Tatum's Gambit movie is now looking at 2017 since it hasn't started filming.)

2016's Superhero Schedule
Feb 4th   Deadpool (Fox)
Mar 25th Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (WB)
May 6th  Captain America: Civil War (Marvel/Disney)
May 26th X-Men: Apocalypse (Fox)
Jun 3rd   Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 (Paramount)
Aug 6th   Suicide Squad (WB)
Nov 6th   Doctor Strange (Marvel/Disney)

So far awards bodies like Emmy and Oscar haven't much cared about the genre at all. Apart from two things...

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Links

Yahoo longtime TV star Holland Taylor (The Practice, Two and a Half Men, Bosom Buddies) and TFE stage/film/tv obsession Sarah Paulson are dating! Taylor, who is 72, said she never came out to the media before "because I live out"
Hateful Eight track listing for the soundtrack
Playbill two new Broadway musical productions are from all female teams. One is Waitress, based on the indie film
Variety Disney sees 2500 actors for Young Han Solo
Variety Sundance competition lineup announced
Youtube Scowl at the moon! It's the new Batman v Superman v Joy teaser
Awards Daily Listen up - Star Wars was never just "a boy's thing"
This is Not Porn Chris Pratt on the set of his very first movie. Thin body. Big hair.
Vulture Jane Fonda talks about her dance parties. Wait, what?
Pajiba Channing Tatum doesn't like Alex Pettyfer. Pettyfer says why
Screen Daily Michael Fassbender will play two roles in Alien: Covenant - makes sense that there would be multiple David8 androids.
New Yorker looks back at Patricia Highsmith  and the creation of her novel "The Price of Salt" aka the "Carol" we're obsessing over

Year End List Mania
DuJour does a 'hollywood issue' style 'performances of the year' gallery piece. Youth gets the best placement leading with the first three slides going to Michael Caine, Harvey Keitel and Rachel Weisz. But Steve Jobs, Carol, Son of Saul and other films also featured.
IW 20 Breakthrough Performances of the year
Rolling Stone top 50 albums of the year: Kendrick Lamar tops the list but the Hamilton Original Cast Recording, Adele's 25, Joanna Newsom's Divers and Madonna's Rebel Heart (yaaas) all make the list too

Bless Her
Annie Liebovitz shot a bunch of powerful women for Pirelli's 2016 calendar. Amy Schumer posted her photo with no retouching. Love the body you're in!

Beautiful, gross, strong, thin, fat, pretty, ugly, sexy, disgusting, flawless, woman. Thank you Annie Leibovitz!

A photo posted by @amyschumer on Nov 30, 2015 at 7:39am PST

All Mariah Carey Wants for Christmas is LEGO

This time of year you'd expect to hear Mariah Carey's name because of people like me starting their Christmas music early. Today, Christmas comes early and we got the news that she is lending her voice to The LEGO Batman Movie.

Wait... what??

How delightfully bonkers! This is the kind of news Glitter enthusiasts have been waiting 15 years to hear: the opportunity for Mariah to once again give us full camp. Originally reported to be playing Commissioner Gordon (because that would be too insane for our tender hearts), she is instead voicing the mayor of Gotham. This isn't the Mariah Carey political comedy we deserve, but the one we need.

Jokes aside, Mariah delightfully exceeded our low expectations in Precious with a performance as honest as any in that lively ensemble. She proved there that given the chance to try something different, she's still an engaging performer, so why not welcome another cinematic left turn. Oddball, unexpected casting such as this also promises that even without the original's directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller the follow-up will still preserve the original's madcap wit. Rosario Dawson is also playing Batgirl, so this is a win for us all.

Goodbye Lovely Batgirl Yvonne Craig (1937-2015)

[sniffle]

I've probably told you this before but when I was a child and they used to show reruns of the old Batman series on tv, I would tense up during opening credits. If the image to your left did not appear I would run outside to play. That sudden Batgirl swing with a kick (who knew that kicks made a "BONG!" sound?) meant that she would appear in the episode and even if I'd seen the episode before I would always watch again.

So yesterday when I heard the news that Yvonne Craig, one of the first celebrities I ever crushed on -- before I even understood what crushes were -- had died of cancer I couldn't even write about it. I needed time to process...

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