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Entries in Beauty vs Beast (148)

Monday
Aug082016

Beauty vs Beast: Koo Koo Ka Choose

Howdy and Happy Monday it's Jason from MNPP here on this, the day that the great Dustin Hoffman is turning 79 years old. How do you think he now views the concerns of his most famous character Benjamin Braddock of The Graduate, from the opposite vantage point of age? Of course he's much older now than Anne Bancroft was as Mrs. Robinson (now that I think about it I'm actually right around Mrs. Robinson's age myself! Weird!) so he probably looks back at Ben with tired eyes at this point. Heck I do myself, although I don't know if I entirely sympathize with Mrs. Robinson's self-destructive behavior either. But where do you stand? That's right it's time for this week's "Beauty vs Beast" ...

PREVIOUSLY We are smearing our sad clown make-up off this morning and waving an over-sized glove goodbye to International Clown Week - last week's competition of clown couples in Short Cuts fell on the "Julianne Moore & Matthew Modine" side, probably because of the film's still infamous full-frontal fight scene - said Mark, speaking truth to privates:

"The genius of Moore is you watch her face in this instead of her special lady place."

Monday
Aug012016

Beauty vs Beast: Send in the You-Know-Whats

Howdy folks it's Jason from MNPP here wishing everybody a candy-colored start to a candy-colored week - that's right, today marks the first day of International Clown Week, held every year right at the start of August, aka the best time to make that make-up run right off your face and give you the time honored "Creepy Clown Effect." But while (in a weird but total coincidence) I may have just started re-reading Stephen King's It this week I'm not going to make you think about Scary Clowns today - oh I know for some of you there is no other kind, but I'm going to try to temper that with Auterism because...

... hey remember that scene in Robert Altman's 1993 masterpiece Short Cuts where Claire (Anne Archer), a professional clown, and her husband Stuart (Fred Ward) get blasted at dinner with new friends Marion (Julianne Moore) and Ralph (Matthew Modine), and instead of the partner-swapping you expect to happen they all just put on clown make-up and dance around instead? I sure do. It's one of the many right turns the film takes when you've braced yourself for a left. So let's face off these two couples for "Beauty vs Beast" this week...

If you need a refresher both couples are in the middle of personal crises -- Marion & Ralph (Moore & Modine) are the couple who have the long fight about her cheating whilst Juli proves she's a natural redhead, while Stuart has just told Claire (Ward & Archer) that he and his fishing buddies fished around a corpse all weekend long. In the grand tradition of Altman-esque character studies, they're all a bit beastly.

PREVIOUSLY Last week we ventured to Mortville with John Waters and his muses for a look at one of his most underappreciated efforts, Desperate Living (and the poll showed just how underappreciated the film remains, with one of our tiniest voting totals ever) - it was Queen Carlotta (Edith Massey) who was carried by her loyal litter of man-servants to the victory, taking 55% of the vote. Said Ken S:

"I'll teach you to arouse royalty! - Team Carlotta all the way!"

Monday
Jul252016

Beauty vs Beast: Stuck In Mortville

Jason from MNPP here, saying howdy from a steamy-as-Hell Monday in New York. The heat reminds me that the Film Experience is celebrating 1977 this month -- 1977 in NYC was the "Summer of Sam," with heatwaves and black-outs and serial killing, oh my. We don't have it that bad, thank goodness. Anyway I just recently celebrated the Year of '77 on my own site with a Top 5 but there was one movie I hated leaving off, so let's take advantage of the opportunity with this week's "Beauty vs Beast."

John Waters' Desperate Living was released on May 27th 1977 - sandwiched as it is between Female Trouble (his masterpiece, says me) and Hairspray (his big mainstream hit) Desperate Living often gets overlooked, but it's High Trash Heaven thanks to its two leading ladies, John's manic & marvelous muses of manure...

PREVIOUSLY Sharon Stone achieved near dominace (and she wouldn't want it any othe rway) with last week's Basic Instinct poll - she topped Michael Douglas (ahem) with nearly 92% of the vote! Said forever1267 and Ryan Murphy, heed our call!):

"Such delicious filthy trash Brilliant movie movie dialogue, and that all empowering Scene. The only person in that room with power is wearing white... and nothing else.

Sharon really should chat up Ryan Murphy."

Monday
Jul182016

Beauty vs Beast: Girl-On-Girl Power

Jason from MNPP here feeling sweaty and gross here in the annual inferno named July -- I wish I could say I was using this week's "Beauty vs Beast" to cool us down but instead I'm turning the heat up up up thanks to today being the 78th birthday of the spicy Paul Verhoeven, helmer of the hotly anticipated rape-revenge thriller Elle with Isabelle Huppert, and of legendarily epic dumpster-fires (a term I use in this context with extreme admiration) like Showgirls and Starship Troopers and today's honoree, 1992's Basic Instinct. Muy caliente! So everybody slip off your underpants (if you're wearing any), straddle your favorite gal-pal in the bathroom, and help me slash away at this one...

PREVIOUSLY Anticipating this past weekend's Ghostbusters we hit rewind to Paul Feig's last great comedy Spy, forcing you to choose between Head Funny Lady Melissa McCarthy and Supporting Funny Lady Rose Byrne - well it was as called in these parts a total Supporting Actress Smackdown, with Byrne slinking off with 73% of your votes. Said Jakey:

"What a stupid fucking retarded poll."

Monday
Jul112016

Beauty vs Beast: Bustin' Spies Makes Me Feel Good

Well here we are and it's Monday and I'm Jason from MNPP and this is your weekly "Beauty vs Beast" moment. Ya ready? This Friday (otherwise known as my birthday!) Paul Feig's loooooong awaited and ultra discussed reboot of Ghostbusters comes out. Maybe you've heard something? Something about ovaries or something? I don't know. All's I know is the reboot's got four of the funniest lady-people who make funny today in Melissa McCarthy & Kristen Wiig & Kate McKinnon & Leslie Jones, and I'm all in. Hell, I even liked the much-reviled trailer.

In fact the only thing that's given me a sad face in the lead up to Ghostbusters was when I scanned through the cast list and I realized that Rose Byne's not in the movie. How great would Byrne have been playing the dastardly William Atherton role from the original? But then I did just re-watch Feig's previous film, the gets-funnier-every-time-you-watch-it Spy, and speaking of...

PREVIOUSLY Two weeks ago (sorry for the July 4th lapse) we celebrated the 30th anniversary of Jim Henson's film Labyrinth by pitting a pretty girl against a Golbin King, and this time around David Bowie's bulge came out on top with almost 3/4s of your vote. Said Glenn:

"The tights are most definitely not a con."

Monday
Jun272016

Beauty vs Beast: The Original Maze Runner

Jason from MNPP here using the ocassion of another's week's "Beauty vs Beast" to give good goblin love to one of our favorite 80s kid's movies: Jim Henson's Labyrinth is turning 30 today! The film was released on June 27th 1986, and to folks my age it became pretty much an instant classic. Labyrinth tells a tale as old as time - girl babysits, girl wishes baby away to David Bowie, David Bowie's innappropriate bulge mesmerizes an eight-year-old me, so on and so forth. What's not to love? I saw Jennifer Connolly on the subway once and it took all the restraint inside of me not to yell, "Your mother is a fraggin' aardvark!" at her.

PREVIOUSLY It was the start of the endless summer season last week so what better way to 'celebrate" than by looking back at the romantic-comedy that dragged it out to (500) Days - in the end it was the dancing charms of Joseph Gordon-Levitt that won your heart (at least for a few months anyway) with 57% of the vote. Said Noecitos:

"Team Tom! If only because of the inspired fanfic writers who paired him with Tom Hardy's character in Warrior."

Monday
Jun202016

Beauty vs Beast: The Dog Days of Romance

Jason from MNPP here at "Beauty vs Beast" o'clock, wishing everybody the happiest First Day of Summer possible... and if you're like me and you hate this season as much as I do then that includes a locked door, some drawn shades, and an air conditioner on full blast. Heat! Sweat! Sunshine! Blah! I want none of it. I have the opposite of what Mama Cass had in "California Dreamin'" - I dream of such a winter's day. (And that's why I live in NYC.) But you know what? There are only 93 days of Summer... it could be worse!

PREVIOUSLY Knowing full well that Finding Dory was about to flood the marketplace we went Pixar-themed last week too, asking y'all to pick sides in the Great Toy Battle of 1995 - Are you a Buzz or are you a Woody? Turns out that 75% of you are Woodies, who knew? Said BVR:

"I love that Pixar resisted the urge to endear Woody to us, instead playing up the mad, jealous, even scheming nature that springs from within as he sees his #1 status being gradually taken away. You would think this would make me vote for Buzz, who seems totally innocent, delusional and oblivious to Woody's schemes; but as funny as that quality is, I just love Woody for being so flawed and human."

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