Tweetweek: Underoos, Martha, and More

She only speaks the truth... 

Millennials will never understand the sheer drama that was the Julia Roberts/Kiefer Sutherland/Jason Patric triangle and it makes me sad.

— Leslie Grossman (@MissLeslieG) March 29, 2016

Does Charles Xavier even need mind control? McAvoy just has to look with those eyes...one...quite forgets.....what.. pic.twitter.com/AXS4eISZC9

— Ren Zelen (@RenZelen) March 29, 2016

More Tweets after the jump including Jack Falahee's confession, polar bears as Star Wars fans, The Real O'Neals,  and Batman v Superman hate because it's clearly going to have longer legs than the actual movie.

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Red Carpet Lineup: Four On Blondes

Nathaniel: hey you!
Jose:  sir
Nathaniel: Time for a total quickie Red Carpet Convo.

We just have four blondes today starting with LUCY PUNCH at the premiere of Bad Teacher. There's something about this look (is it the seven bracelets?) that makes me think she's taken her gawdy character in You Will Meet A Tall dark Stranger to heart. (I have yet to see Bad Teacher...)

Lucy Punch, Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, and Evan Rachel Wood

Jose:  Is it me or does Lucy look like a more wholesome version of Gaga?
Nathaniel:  Wholesome is not what i think of when i think of Punch so maybe it's ME who has taken her comic characters to heart?
Jose:  something about her bone structure...but yes, the bracelets and heels, yikes, very Pretty Woman
Nathaniel:  Pretty Woman before it was Disneyfied... $3000 !
Jose:  lol
Nathaniel:  I don't understand what CAMERON DIAZ is wearing. Like, not just the cut but the material itself. What is it? Apparently there was a black & white & blonde & leggy theme at the Bad Teacher premiere.
Jose:  it looks like her mesh t-shirt got attacked by pins from here, but let's not kid ourselves, everyone's just staring at her legs anyway
Nathaniel: I was actually staring at the bracelet wondering if it could deflect bullets but I am very gay.
Jose: Maybe she's trying to steal the Wonder Woman thunder from our Christina!
Nathaniel: (I think we should all except that there won't be a big screen Wonder Woman.)
Jose: I do wish Cameron would do something different with her hair sometime though. we get it, you're sporty and surfy and whatnot but find a freaking iron sister
Nathaniel: ♪ ♫ She's as free as her hair She's as free as her hair. She is her hair. She is her hair. ♪

Doesn't it seem like a trillion years ago that Cameron Diaz and KATE WINSLET were actually co-stars in a romantic comedy. Ohmygod maybe-it-never-happened-at-all?
Jose:  I'd been trying to forget The Holiday for years, thank you for rekindling that trauma

Oooh is Kate wearing the classy lady version of Cam's dress?

Nathaniel:  I don't know but I have to say that it's both fierce AND fugly. That midriff detailing is so... is she expecting the postman to deliver bulk mail?
Jose:  LOL Actually I loved it for very odd reasons it's a Victoria Beckham dress. and I remembered when i was 12 how I loved Kate and how the British press was always making her try to be as skinny as Posh Spice, so I see her in this dress as kick-ass cosmic retribution
Nathaniel:  the 12 year old in you rejoices.

Also this dress on Kate… David Cronenberg would salivate. It's very eXistenZ "portal" and... well, I can't look at it for too long. Disturbing.
Jose:  thanks to you now I'm expecting Jude Law to emerge from it (Holiday reunion?)
Nathaniel:  LOL. Speaking of emerging from Kate Winslet (ba dum dum chhhh)... Next we have her evil incarnate spawn from "Mildred Pierce" at the "True Blood" premiere.
Jose:  ...channeling Hayden Panettiere by way of "Express Yourself"
Nathaniel:  When you put it that way I suddenly love the look not.

And I was just about to say that I liked it.
Jose:  EVAN RACHEL WOOD always wears odd things to premieres, last True Blood premiere  she did a librarian sort of thing that everyone hated.
Nathaniel:  I was going to compare this to one of Dazzler's looks from the X-Men comics but I realize that would be like the 4th time I've gone there this summer. There is something very wrong with me. I apologize.
Jose:  uh-oh, she would make an awesome Dazzler though

poll by twiigs.com

Nathaniel: Anyway I kind of love it because it makes me think that I don't fully understand Evan Rachel Wood yet and that's always a good feeling when it comes to young actresses. Surprise us or risk replacement! There are a gigajillion young blondes eager for your spot.
Jose:  Totally. When it comes to the freaky, what-will-she-do-now department, Marilyn Manson did good by her. And her smile made me forget how much I hate her as Veda Pierce too
Nathaniel:  her or the character?
Jose:  o Veda, I hate all incarnations of that tramp but Evan's was especially easy to loathe.
Nathaniel:  but that's the point!
Jose:  I know but I was worried I'd hate Evan too afterwards. Hopefully True Blood will make me forget all about her
Nathaniel:  Veda. You know you're trouble when undead soulless bloodsuckers have more soul.

Cast This! Future X-Men

It's Mutant Week!

We haven't done a "Cast This!" in awhile. The X-Men franchise may have a disproportionate amount of blue members (Angel, Beast, Mystique, Nightcrawler) at various times in their long history but the color that keeps those movie mutants going is green. Eventually they'll get to all the characters if you keep buying your tickets. Or, they won't and they'll just keep redoing the few they've concentrated on. (Those super lame cameos by every mutant who ever existed in X-Men Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine DO NOT COUNT.) Since I grew up obsessing over the X-Men, once every 3 years or so I think "I should read those comics again" only to immediately abandon the notion after one issue when I realize that the universe is too crowded. There's no continuity or internal logic I can suss out and even when people can turn their whole body into steel or projectile vomit acid while flying on butterfly wings, I like for things to make sense.

The incredibly lame "X-Men Last Stand". DO-OVER!

Somehow comic book mutants keep dying, quitting, depowering, getting lost in alternate dimensions, and returning to fight once more. Some characters age out of the game. Others never age at all. The actual comic books do the same, some resetting to issue #1, others ending entirely. Nothing makes any sense for the newcomers... even with a study guide indicating, perhaps, that comic book companies don't expect anybody to keep reading for decades, hence all the resetting and undoing.

Now that they've hit the reset button yet again, who should we cast to play our favorite mutants that haven't gotten a fair shake or need radical do-overs? I've selected only 5½ characters because this could go on for weeks and it'd be easy to list 20. Plus: most of us wouldn't know enough working actor options for interesting characters like "Karma", a Vietnamese lesbian who possesses people or fan favorite "Jubilee" a Chinese-American teen gymnast who generates explosions. Just for two random examples.

Your casting choices in the comments please...

FAIR SHAKE

DAZZLER
They haven't used Alison Blaire, this goddess of light manipulation, presumably because she's an easy character to get wrong. But if any medium is the right one for "light shows" isn't it the movies? Attempts to update Dazzler, of disco-dolly rollerskating origin, tend to trap her in yet more period-specific pop looks. Remember that 80s aerobic blue look which screamed "Olivia Newton-John!" just as ONJ's fame was dwindling? But while the X-franchise is period mode, why not use her for X-Men Second Class (this will thankfully never be the title;  the reviews would write themselves!) and wrap her back up in 70s disco?

If Dazzler's original sartorial aesthetic is good enough for Lady Gaga in this new millenium, isn't it good enough for Marvel Studios?

Like Dazzler, Like Gaga: blue electric bolt eye decor, sparkly silver bodices

WHO YOU NEED: I'd be tempted to suggest Gaga, Britney, Ke$ha or XTina but STUNT CASTING only works when the stuntperson can actually act. Who would you choose? You need a 20something blonde who is shiny, sexy, easily manipulated (oops. we all have our flaws) and believable as both pop star AND mutant powered hero.

COLOSSUS
Daniel Cudmore looked the part in X2: X-Men United, but it was a bit part. But this Russian metal muscle man could look spectacular with the advances in CGI. Or not. Plus Piotr Rasputin is the only major member of the iconic X-Men team from the late 70s/early 80s that hasn't gotten a large role yet. But mostly I'm bringing Colossus up because as I was attending that Sandra Bernhard show the other night, Cheyenne Jackson was right in front of me in line filing in. After catching my breath -- he's impossibly better looking in person -- I thought "Hmmm. Colossus?" Take a look...

Whatch'a think?

NORTHSTAR / AURORA
They were originally members of Alpha Flight (a Canadian superhero team) but Alpha Flight's ties to the X-Men are plentiful and Northstar at least has been on an X-roster from time to time. These French Canadian twins have super speed, and huge bursts of blinding light when paired. Northstar, a star athlete, was (arguably) the first out gay superhero. The twins have such a convoluted and frequently revised back story (they're fairies, now they're dead, they're...whatever...) that it's best to just chuck it all and know that they're both extremely hot, lithe, black haired babes. They've cleaned up Northstar's personality over the years (I have no idea what happened to Aurora) but he started out egotistical and a bit amoral and she started off batshit bonkers with virgin/whore split personalities and they'd be really fun in movies if they were cast and executed properly.

WHO YOU NEED: I thought it would be a fun challenge to cast temperamental unisex hotness -- boy/girl twins with elfin beauty. I'm not sure I have a good suggestion so I'm hoping you do...

DO OVER

STORM
Halle Berry gave us the lamest "super" interpretation outside of... well, no, just the lamest. And she did it twice! (see also: Catwoman). Halle has her charms but few actors are suitable to all genres and she's like Kryptonite for this one. 

In many ways, Storm is THE female superhero, Marvel Division, so popular and so powerful that when they did one of those crossover things with MARVEL/DC decades ago, she had to face off against Wonder Woman herself. The movies have been content to paint her as a subordinate teacher/mother hen type for students and seriously mute her powers (or at least cover them in molasses... seriously get on with it already in those action sequences!).

WHO YOU NEED: an actress of african descent, who radiates fierceness and power and physicality -- Storm is still the most popular black superhero ever created and way up their in the female hero ranks, too -- but can also be the mother figure to young students. Most fans, including myself, wanted Angela Bassett back in the day but she's aged out of the part (sigh). You'd also want someone kind of scary unpredictable. Remember when Storm went through her punk phase?

ROGUE
I mean this as no knock against Anna Paquin who is fine in the movies, but the movies have had a very timid perception of this character. Rogue has long been one of the most fascinating mutants because of her complex psychological struggles connected to her powers. The movies reduced this to her touch incapacitating other people by basically stealing their life force but Rogue wasn't able to do anything much with this life force. In the comics, she can readily "borrow" powers, making her fierce in battle and given that sometimes she has other people's memories and personalities knocking around her head, she's also kind of fucked up crazy as well as continually sex-starved. Or at least that's how she started out... the comics are always messin' with the story. In short: the movies haven't even begun to explore her properly.

WHO YOU NEED: A southern (or southern-accent-capable) actress with a remarkably fluid expressiveness so as to better indicate all of Rogue's internal confusions and slippery crowded persona.

Five Characters. GO!

Red Carpet: MTV Girls, Super Empathy, and Lively Nudity

Previously on red carpet lineup Nathaniel and Jose discussed Cannes gowns and Kurt and Nathaniel chatted about the annual Met Gala. In today's episode, Nathaniel and Jose discuss the MTV Movie Awards fashion.

Nathaniel: ‬ ‪This time we're starting a bit "off cinema" -- although calling the MTV Movie Awards cinema related is a stretch -- for a brief look at the CDFA Awards held this week in New York City.‬

Lady Gaga, Lady Watts, Lady Sevigny, Housewife Marcia

Jose: ‬ ‪Wait, is that the thing where Gaga is? I assumed this lineup was the MTV awards too. Ha. I obviously missed both ceremonies

Nathaniel:‬ ‪Yep. The Council of Fashion Designers honored the industry's biggest designers as is their habit. But they also gave an award to Lady Gaga. Isn't giving Gaga a fashion award kind of like giving Angelina Jolie a Fame Award. Like...

"Congratulations: You are You!!!"

Jose: ‬ ‬ ‪She should receive fashion awards at the Cattle Salesman Council, not the fashion council.‬
She's always so coy about it, like "oh, you think I'm special?", I hate that. ‪Despite my love of McQueen I personally think that you should be able to "wear" fashion and these awards should go to people who encourage that‬

Nathaniel:‬ I hesitated to include Gaga in the Lineup o Actresses because lord knows the woman CANNOT act (see: music videos and SNL). I wish so bad that she'd make a movie because people would finally stop kicking Madonna for her shaky thespian tendencies. But I have a larger point to make.‬

Which is that if you're attending such a thing, shouldn't you do what Chloe Sevigny and Marcia Cross are doing and NOT what Naomi Watts is doing? Something eyepopping or you might as well be wallpaper.

Jose: To be honest, I'd rather have my Naomi fix in this wallflower-ish type, cause she's made some hideous choices in the past‬. Remember that dress she wore to the Oscars that made her look like King Kong had recently attacked her? This is careless copying, though. This is essentially what Gwynnie wore to the Oscars this year, but short and shapeless.

Nathaniel:‬ And bland. Here's the thing with blond actresses that are not particularly unusually eye-popping in some way. They're like grains of sand on the beach. There are millions of others with whom you are indistinguishable unless you're giving it a little something extra.‬ Naomi overcompensates onscreen sometimes by ACTING but undercompensates on the red carpet.

Jose: I say let's pull a Freaky Friday on Gaga and Naomi.

Nathaniel: !!! Wonderful idea.

Jose: Gaga looking human would be more surprising than anything else.

Nathaniel: Totes. I keep waiting for her to have her own "Live to Tell" moment where suddenly she's just in a simple flowery dress with pretty hair. That was SO shocking at the time for Madonna.‬ That's got to happen eventually.

Jose: ‬ ‬ ‪I'd love to see what she wore when she was just plain old "Gaga from the block", even Madge is down to earth now (in Louis Vuitton of course)‬

Nathaniel: I like that Chloe's top feels rubbery and sentient and winged... I suddenly picture her as Professor X's love Empress Lilandra of the Shi'Ar but I have mutants on the brain.

Jose: That makes total sense. She wouldn't even need CGI to display weird powers.‬

Lilandra and Dazzler of late 70s/early 80s X-Men fame

Nathaniel:‬ ‪Heh. I know I've said this very recently in another red carpet post but everyone is conspiring to make me think of 70s DAZZLER from the X-Men lately.

Jose: ‬ ‪Marcia looks stunning. I'm pretty sure she's looked the same since the 70's, maybe she's a mutant herself‬.

Nathaniel: These sparkly disco jumpsuits! There needs to be an X-Men Origins: Dazzler movie to fully bring back the 1970s. Fashion is trying to take us there anyway.‬

Jose: And I'd love to see Cross in a catfight with Jennifer Lawrence. ‪I say, let's put 'em all in rollerskates and have ourselves a Xanadu-Men: First Class!‬

Nathaniel: Damnit. Now I have to go masturbate.

Jose: LOL. It's too early for that here.

Nathaniel: Self-love knows no time zones!‬ Speaking of masturbatory.... let's move on to the MTV Twilight Awards.‬

Jose: ‬ ‬ ‪Ew, fine.

Nathaniel:‬ ‪This first lineup of lovely ladies demonstrates to us that it's A) summer at last B) short skirts are in.‬

Emma Watson, Mini-Dakota, Emma Stone, KStew, Queen Reese

Jose:  ‬ ‪I remember the time when the fine people of the planet voted for movies like Scream and Lord of the Rings in those awards, heck they even gave Nicole Kidman a trophy for Moulin Rouge! when Oscar ignored her‬

Nathaniel:‬ ‪I was just talking about this to a friend yesterday at lunch. You sound like an old curmudgeon when you say: back in my day they used to vote for good movies! but in this case it's not nostalgia, it's plain-ass facts.

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