Box Office: Dolly & Queen vs. Cher & Xtina?

I would have been all about Joyful Noise this weekend, had I not been suddenly ill. I even had to miss a bestie's birthday dinner. Boo! I think it's worth noting that Joyful Noise had a nearly identical debut to Burlesque in 2010.

Opening Day
Burlesque (11/24/10) | Joyful Noise (01/13/12)
Weekend Gross
Burlesque $11.9 |  Joyful Noise $11.3
Weekend Rank
Burlesque #4 | Joyful Noise #4
Theater Count
Burlesque 3,037 | Joyful Noise 2,735
Per Screen Average
Burlesque $3,934 |  Joyful Noise  $4,148

Given that Burlesque opened during holiday craziness (lotsa movie-going) and Joyful Noise opened in January's dumping ground, you might have to hand this battle to Joyful Noise. But will it be able to beat Burlesque's final gross of $39.4 domestic / $89.5 international? I say this with the caveat that I have not seen it yet but from the stills and trailer it certainly looks cheaper than Burlesque production wise so perhaps it'll turn out a much tidier profit. I can't imagine that it's better than Burlesque though. But we shall see. Or rather I shall see the second I feel like venturing out into the cold again.

poll by twiigs.com

Takeaway: $11.5 million opening weekends are the new decorative fanciful glass ceiling for dueling multi-media singing divas.

BAKERS DOZEN (Estimates)
01 CONTRABAND  $24.1 new  
02 BEAUTY & THE BEAST 3D  $18.4 rerelease  
03 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE -  GHOST PROTOCOL $11.5 (cum. $186.7)
04 JOYFUL NOISE  $11.3 new
05 SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS $8.4 (cum. $170)
06 THE DEVIL INSIDE $7.9 (cum. $46.2)
07 THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO  $6.8 ($87.9)
08 ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED $5.8  (cum. $118.7)
09 WAR HORSE $5.6 (cum. $65.7)
10 THE IRON LADY $5.3 wide (cum. $5.9)
11 WE BOUGHT A ZOO $5.2  (cum. $63.6)
12 THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN $4 (cum. $67.7)
13 TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY  $3.1 (cum. $15.1) 

Talking Points
• Beauty and the Beast had a successful first weekend but nothing compared to The Lion King. I hate rooting against such a great movie but the whole 3D craze? Oh, I hate it more and more each month. Do. not. want. I do not want to wear glasses while watching movies. I just don't. It never adds enough to the experience, even in its best moments, to justify changing the whole freaking experience of the movies. GO AWAY.

• A Separation continues to fill its theaters but it has yet to expand. Are SPC letting their tiny window on this one close? Let's suppose someone watching this week's awards shows (BFCA thursday & GLOBES tonight) wanted to see it after Thursday's win and tonight's possible win? Nope. They're out of luck. Just 6 theaters for this one in its third week. Carnage finally expanded in its 5th week but interest in it looks to have already crashed. Too bad it didn't open when competition was less severe for all-star adult-oriented films.

• Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows just lept-frogged The Help and Bridesmaids on 2011's top box office chart. Now, the top dozen have no originals among them - only franchise movies allowed at the top of the charts. This is why we can't have nice things and it's also our fault as audience members. We need to stop chasing old highs at the box office. Seeking out familiar experiences is what television series are for. That's their whole raison d'etre, the same characters each week but with new twists on the same old via new chapters. That's not what movies should be for. Different strengths and different purposes for different mediums.

What did you see this weekend?

Yes, No, Maybe So: "Joyful Noise"

Warning: I am kind of unfairly in hate with this movie through no fault of its own. I accidentally deleted this entire post after it was all written, photo'ed and scheduled to publish. Argh. In the process of rewriting and reconstructing the likely disposability of it all became aggravating. But I sally dolly forth! 

When i hear the rare words "new musical" I immediately perk up. But, given the difficulties of making a good one, the perking-up is chased by a flurry of "who? when? what kind? how so?"  panic. Have you even heard of this new film from Todd Graff starring Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah? It's called Joyful Noise. If it's as fun as Burlesque -- which it will inevitably be compared -- than we're in for a treat.

Don't let that screencap fool you. Though this appears to be a jukebox musical in which only already famous songs are sung (argh! the sub genre has replaced its parent genre entirely) Dolly will not be singing the Ultimate Gay Showtune "I Am What I Am" from La Cage Aux Folles even though I could totally see Queen Latifah as George and Dolly would make a great "Zaza".

In fact, I misheard the line. She actually says "I am who I am" to which Queen Latifah mouths back.

Maybe you were five procedures ago."

Um. Ha ha?

Let's watch the trailer and break it down with our Yes No Maybe So™ system after the jump.

Click to read more ...

Hey Girl, It's Link Time: Young Lars, Drunk Charlize, Best Pictures

Grantland has Mark Harris (yay) on the four supposed Best Picture contenders we've seen thus far: Midnight in Paris, The Tree of Life, The Help and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two
Stale Popcorn loves the teaser poster for Young Adult and so do I. Isn't it the most... to say the least? Makes you want to "open it" right away and start reading enjoying.

My favorite detail is that Caldecott-like gold stamp, with Jason Reitman's credits on it. Gah, why can't all posters be this fuuuuunnnnn?

Vulture Did you hear Reese Witherspoon got hit by a car (she's fine). I knew this would rile her number one fan up! haha
24 Frames AFI Fest will open with Clint Eastwood's Oscar-buzzy J Edgar. 

This video which I discovered at the WOW report, from WeHoGuy30, does a gay riff on Beauty & The Beast. "Bonjour Girl" ...very funny if you enjoy this sort of thing.

The Lost Boy Ricky Gervais is threatening to host the Golden Globes again live podcast during the Golden Globes ... with comedian friends including Louis CK sounding off on the Hollywood back-patting. 
Broadway Blog interviews Jeff Calhoun who is helping to bring new versions of Newsies and Bonnie & Clyde to the stage. He also appeared in the 80s movie musical The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. And yes, he talks Dolly Parton.   
Movie|Line Bad Movies We Love: Barbra Streisand and Ryan O'Neal in The Main Event.  
PopMatters on Contagion and this age of zombie epidemics and vampiric viruses and real world terror

Today's Must Read
Ultra Culture was gifted a copy of an old Swedish documentary on Lars von Trier called Tranceformer (1997) and shares five things he learned from it. Very entertaining. Why is Lars so entertaining? Why is Ultra Culture so entertaining? He just is. They just are. Incidentally, I just saw Melancholia which I'm still mulling over but it is an absolute must-see as there is much to discuss about it. Which we will do soon.

Cinema de Gym: 'Opportunity Knocks'

Kurt here with a new Cinema de Gym, the first to focus on a movie I never knew existed before my cardio session. Is everyone familiar with Opportunity Knocks? It's a 1990 comedy noteworthy for being the breakout film for SNL alum Dana Carvey. With his straw-blonde hair styled into what I remember to be an almost-mullet, Carvey plays Eddie Farrell, a California con man whose slovenly style (oversized shirts, khakis with sneakers) is used to convey an enviably carefree outlook (as opposed to Steve Carrells's version of the same style in this week's Crazy, Stupid, Love., which is used to convey unenviable cluelessness). I entered the movie just as it was starting (another first), and got to see the unremarkable opening credits blip onto the screen as Carvey strutted down the street in his lazy dude's attire. There was no telling why he was carrying a potted plant. 

Turns out it was part of the character's introductory ruse, which also involves two nuns, a female pedestrian and a rich man in a flashy car who's tricked into believing he almost killed someone. I'm tiptoeing around the details because, in truth, I'm forgetting them, but what's important to note is the scene ably reveals the character's nature without heaps of exposition, and it also introduces his partner, Lou, played by Todd Graff, who's best known to me as the other-guy crew member in The Abyss. The buddies work as a team, scamming suckers in such amusing ways as pretending to be plumbers and then stealing the family TV. One house they come upon is empty, and while rooting through the rooms, they hear a voicemail from the intended housesitter, who must renege on his responsibility. Suddenly, the crooks are able to use the glorified suburban bachelor pad as their home base, its game tables and stocked fridge perfect for passing time between jobs. 

Something else happened involving a mobster and a stolen car, but that's about all the synopsis I'm prepared to dish out. Besides, what I took away from this movie wasn't plot details, but early '90s nostalgia. Ever the deliverer of exaggerated accents and impersonations (plenty of which turn up here), Carvey was a youthful 35 when this movie was released, making him 56 today. That's somehow an astonishing number for me to process, I guess because it's tough to imagine the goofy comedians of your youth as being over the hill. In any case, the thought marks the first time I've felt a pang of longing for the Wayne's World days, which closely followed in 1992. The same sensation is tied to my being charmed by the gloriously dreadful look of this movie – that grayed, washed out, VHS aesthetic that doesn't look any better just because it's been transferred to DVD. There's a whole catalog of late-'80s and early-'90s titles with that same oddly cozy drabness, which is funny, considering it's an era usually defined by neon and excess.

The future Mrs. Billy ChristensenThe strangest revelations the film offered came during the post-gym research process. A few clicks on Wikipedia unleash a crazy batch of facts regarding what the cast and crew have been up to since. We're all pretty up to speed on Carvey (who can forget The Master of Disguise?), but how about co-star Julia Campbell? She's a busy TV actress, but you know her as none other than A-Group leader Christy Masters from Romy and Michele's High School Reunion. And director Donald Petrie? Most recently, you have him to thank for Welcome to Mooseport, Just My Luck and My Life in Ruins. As for Graff, he boasts the most startling resume by far, at least to this moviegoer. A musical theatre vet, the actor-turned-director is the guy behind Camp and Bandslam, and his next project – get this – is Joyful Noise, a 2012 gospel musical with Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton. How do I not know about the latter? Here's what its Wiki page says: “Two strong-minded women are forced to cooperate when budget cuts threaten to shut down a small-town choir.”    ...I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?

Conclusions?

1. Yesterday's casual is today's embarrassment, as evidenced by Carvey and Carrell.
2. Sadly, comedians age just like everybody else.
3. Ugly is endearing if you happen to be a movie from the late-'80s or early-'90s.
4. Todd Graff is our new Steve Antin – an out former actor about to unveil the unofficial sequel to Burlesque.

Oh, what to ask you? This post is one mixed bag. What jumped out at you? I can only guess...