Time to Feel Old: Heather Matarazzo is Now 31!

Yup, Dawn Wiener is now officially "in her 30s" and with that the cold, hard discomfort of time can lay claim to your soul. Everybody dance now.

But in all seriousness, I'd be down for Heather Matarazzo's return to movies. Her, shall we say, unique charms have more or less been missing since Hostel II in 2007! I keep secretly wishing John Waters would cast her as the younger half of a crime-fighting mother and daughter team alongside Mink Stole. They can have a duel comeback to the silver screen. Who can make this happen?