Review: Dolly Parton's Christmas on the Square
by Christopher James
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. If the title Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square didn’t already clue you in as to whether you are within the target audience for the film, the opening minutes do. After credits play over the kitschiest of Christmas landscapes, Dolly Parton appears as the world’s comfiest homeless person in full hair and makeup. Her beautiful voice launches into an original song/life lesson that prompts the entire town to break out into a highly choreographed dance routine. This all takes place, you guessed it, in the titular Square. Over the next 98 minutes, Dolly Parton’s Christmas of the Square continues to deliver exactly what it promised you upfront. With __ original songs throughout, Christine Baranski doing a drag version of her gay Twitter persona and Dolly Parton as the chicest homeless person around, Christmas on the Square is Parton’s Citizen Kane...