Review: 'The Legend of Hercules'

Glenn here with a look at a new release that will not be troubling Oscar in 12 months.

Hercules, son of Zeus, was gay. Or at the very least bisexual. He had to be if Renny Harlin’s The Legend of Hercules is anything to go by. Those ancient Greeks weren’t exactly shy about it, so in that regard it’s a shame Harlin’s oiled-up reboot of the Hercules mythology didn’t go further with the homoeroticism that is inherent in the material of pretty much any Hercules production (Disney animation excluded). As Daniel Walber writes at film.com, “the [sword and sandal] genre lives and breathes through the muscled bodies of often scantily-clad actors.” Ain’t that the truth. And in The Legend of Hercules there are buff, barely-clothed bods galore. And beards. Lots of beards, too. I wasn't complaining.

The Legend of Hercules places former Twilight star Kellan Lutz front and centre after a small part as Poseidon in Tarsem Singh’s equally flesh-obsessed Immortals so any genuine exploration of homosexuality between sparring partners was a no go. Still, judging from how close Harlin situates his male actors faces from one another – and the stone cold fact that Lutz has more romantic chemistry with the ridiculous handsome Australian actor Liam McIntyre than his so-called love interest Gaia Weiss – it’s impossible not to see it. And then there’s the gay BDSM lair, the mud-wrestling, and the limp-wristed villain played by Liam Garrison… if this film were actually fun we could have been looking at a new camp classic.

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Catching Up With the Linkses

The Wire a definitive ranking of the hair in American Hustle. Elizabeth Röhm's Dolly Polito and that awesome bathroom showdown between Amy & Jennifer are not high enough!
NY Post gives you more background on The Wolf of Wall Street's Jordan Belfort and how filthy rich he still is. So much for penance!
Vulture interesting piece on Inside Llewyn Davis and discrepancies with actual folk music culture as it was experienced at the time
Cinema Blend first images from Transcendence with Johnny Depp
Movie City News 12 weeks to go in the Oscar punditry game. Why is so little changing?
MNPP renames Hercules "The Legend of Pecules" which is all well and good since Kellan Lutz beefcake will surely be the only reason to watch it 
LA Times looks at the quiet subversive Oscar campaign for James Franco in Spring Breakers (oh I so wish the Globes had had the guts to go there 

List-Mania
Alan Sepinwall's  top ten TV of the year including Southland and Top of the Lake (yes times two) and I really co-sign the comments on both Mad Men and Masters of Sex
Matt Zoller Seitz's top ten TV of the year 
Stephen Holden's top thirteen of the year. So much capitalistic anxiety
Cinephiled this podcast gives you a peek inside the voting for the Los Angeles Film Critics Awards. I meant to share this last week but it's very much worth a listen: Starring James Rocchi, Karina Longworth, Alonso Duralde, and Amy Nicholson 
A.O. Scott's top ten of the year with love for the Coens and the McQueen but I'm most enthralled by #10 which goes like so:

10. ‘The Great Gatsby’/‘The Wolf of Wall Street’/‘The Bling Ring’/‘Spring Breakers’/‘Pain and Gain’/‘American Hustle’ Six variations on the big theme of our times: “Just look at all my stuff!” It’s capitalism, baby! Grab what (and who) you can, and do whatever feels good. We’re all going to hell (or jail, or Florida) anyway.

Slant individual top 10s from their team. And...
Slant top 25 films of the year (collectively) with lots of love for Museum Hours, Her, and Inside Llewyn Davis.They also loved two films I hated: Bastards (to me Claire Denis' nadir) and Upstream Color

Off Cinema
The Advocate on the gayest responses to Beyoncé's surprise album release. 
Gawker 'Beyoncé is just like everyone else only much better'
(I'm not really a music person but I definitely admire a capable surprise and in this day when most entertainment WILLFULLY spoils itself before it premieres I am so proud of this woman I don't even care about! I can't imagine how a celebrity that big kept all of that a secret when other celebrities and their teams were involved)
Playbill it's hard to imagine an odder pairing than avante garde performance artist Taylor Mac and Broadway legend Mandy Patinkin but here they are co-starring in The Last Two People On Earth: An Apocalyptic Vaudeville which starts performances today! Hope I get a chance to see this one.

Beauty Break: Herculean Edition

Have you heard that there are two competing Hercules movies next year? I can't imagine many TFE readers list Brett Ratner or Renny Harlin as big "draws" from Tinseltown's director pool, but they've enlisted The Rock and Kellan Lutz as their beefcake titular demigods. There's more info at Towleroad if you're so inclined.

poll by twiigs.com

If you don't know how to read there's Herculean Beefcake Visuals to gawk at after the jump

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