Red Notice: just enough to press play

by Elisa Giudici

As early as the prologue, Red Notice sets the bar so low that you instantly know to shut up and meekly accept every absurd thing it gives you. When an adventure movie starts with Marcus Antonius gifting his future bride Queen Cleopatra with 3 Fabergé jeweled eggs around 1000 years before Gustav Fabergé himself came to the world, you know realism is not high on the list of the movie's priorities. Not a priority at all, whether in the past or the present. Five minutes later we are introduced to Dwayne Johnson's FBI criminal profiler John Hartley. Sporting a black turtleneck (and later a silk patterned scarf), the notion of The Rock being a criminal profiler is so improbable that the screenplay mounts a preemptive defense. "You don't look like one".

"I get that a lot" replies The Rock, introducing us to a parallel world in which a lot of characters are nonsensical in service of an action-comedy about art thieves and double plays.  This is the kind of movie in which the audience will likely forgive anything, provided they are offered some spectacle, a few good liners, and chemistry between glamorous supertstars. Unfortunately, Red Notice lacks almost any of these elements...

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Hobbs & Shaw: The Daddyness of It All

By Sean Donovan 

The Fast & Furious films have become some of our most trusted purveyors of pure Hollywood excess, concocting outlandish set pieces and barely logical heist plots that deliver thrills in big bold screaming letters, with an automative fetish that has been worth billions of dollars. But this spin-off, focused on two characters who joined mid-franchise, re-prioritizes the car fetish in favor of two male stars (and a third new one) whose bodies and larger-than-life macho personas are fetish objects in and of themselves. I have been affectionally naming this film ‘Daddy Fight’ ever since I first saw the trailer, for indeed that is what it is- gladiatorial combat to see who among Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, or Idris Elba will emerge as Daddy. The result is, quite simply, one of the most triumphant adrenaline-fueled homoerotic explosions in recent memory...

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Links: Binoche in Berlin, Pfeiffer in Planning, and Endgame in Post-Production

• Gurus of Gold the latest charts on our Oscar predictions
• Coming Soon The Oscars are going hostless this year for the first time in decades but as it turns out they were originally going to go with Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson who still hopes to do it someday
• Vanity Fair film insiders are speaking out about the Oscars intended changes. Thankfully many in the insider are as angry as we are about shunting some awards off air.

more after the jump including Avengers Endgame, Juliette Binoche in Berlin, Michelle Pfeiffer's smell, a new Pixar short, and the Gypsy remake...

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Would you rather?

We stopped playing our silly Instagram game because Squarespace no longer works with Instagram embeds (I have no idea why) but we miss eavesdropping / spying on celebrities. So let's play again without embeds (more work for me, argh).

Would you rather...
...have a get together with Liza Minnelli, George Hamilton and Michael Feinstein?
...do your civic duty with Kerry Washington?
...pick blueberries with Kiernan Shipka?
... attend Gwyneth Paltrows wedding?
... take a mineral clay treatment with Daryl Hannah?
...enjoy Royal Tenenbaums cosplay with Sarah Michelle Gellar?
...nap with Paul Bettany and his cat?
... get your nails did with The Rock?
... eat cake with Reese Witherspoon?

The images are after the jump to help you decide

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Jack Linker

TIFF on the need for female film critics
The Guardian The Rock reveals he was turned down for the role of Jack Reacher in favor of Tom Cruise. Which puts that original quote that they couldn't find a tall enough actor to play the 6'5" fictional character to shame! (It's like when producers say "we couldn't find someone who can sing and dance for this musical"... it's just code for: 'we didn't really try because we liked Star A even though they were wrong for it' 
The Retro Set a look at Fred Astaire defying gravity in Royal Wedding for director Stanley Donen's birthday

Coming Soon after terrific 3rd season Grace & Frankie is renewed, will add Lisa Kudrow for a guest arc
/Film another disruption from Netflix. They're planning to focus more on Los Angeles as home for their productions. Might Hollywood follow suit and return home?
EW does a big promo push for Snatched with Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn
The New Yorker a profile of "the prophet of dystopia," Margaret Atwood as The Handmaid's Tale gets the miniseries treatment
Esquire 50 quote movie buff quiz. Listen and guess. I thought I'd get 100% but I missed a few toward the end. I especially liked the multiple choice quiz being difficult for once, like a Scarlett Johansson's elsewhere voice over a choice of three ScarJo movies and a fourth choice of a bunch of hazy blondes
MNPP Jude Law for Young Dumbledore. This opens up so many dirty thoughts 
Mother Jones a brief history of men getting credit for women's accomplishments
Variety The Magicians renewed for a third season at Syfy
Tracking Board has a series called "The Runway" in which they review all the pilot scripts and make bets as to what will make it to series. But first, a look back on what last year's winners were and what the hot trends look to be like this year
Tracking Board Aquaman's cast keeps growing Dolph Lundgren joins as the villainous King Nereus