Beauty Vs Beast - SlayerFest 2014

JA from MNPP here with this week's new edition of Beauty Vs. Beast! As I noted over at my site last week, today is the 17th anniversary of the first ever episode of Joss Whedon's televisual masterpiece Buffy the Vampire Slayer - "Welcome to the Hellmouth" aired on the WB on March 10th 1997, and some of us have been whooping it up inside that Hellmouth ever since.

If you're a fan you know what happened on Buffy's 17th birthday - let's just hope we can all make it through today without anybody's ancient Gypsy curse being activated by sexual relations. That Angelus, he was a nasty one... but Glorificus did her damage too, The Master and the Mayor - an endless list of memorable villains.

But it's Buffy's dark mirror that's always revved our engines the hardest... 

Welcome to SlayerFest '14!!!

poll by twiigs.com

Only one can make it out alive! The too good blonde, the too bad brunette - make your pick and then we'll all skip class and stake some vamps and dance crazy at The Bronze til the sun comes up and dusts our boyfriends.

"previously on..."
Before y'all hit the comments and give us your reasonings though, a look back at last week's (literal) face-off - we were talking the spray-painted ladies of Death Becomes Her, and sure enough, confounding nobody's expectations - MERYL WON. Team Madeline blew a shotgun hole through Goldie's Helen with about 2/3rds of the vote. (As if we needed to puff up Meryl's chest anymore!) As Rob put it in the comments:

"Hel does have a special place in my heart for eating frosting out of its container with her fingers while rewinding the footage of Madeline dying on film but over and over again. But, in the end, gotta go with Madeline, because FLAWLESS."

Say What? Glenn & Meryl

Amuse us by eavesdropping on this conversation between Glenn Close and Meryl Streep this past Sunday. What were they saying? Tell us in the comments.

The winner, announced tomorrow, gets Glenn Close's Oscar*!

*that does not exist. there is no prize

A Pizza Ranks the Celebrities Who Ate Him at the Oscars

I am no more.

But the glorious finale of my life, too brief though watched by millions, was sensual mastication in the mouths of the world's greatest beauties. My only regret, days later whether unnaturally purged or properly digested, is that I never reached the pillowy lips of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award Winner.

To Angelina... my unrequited love!

10 Ellen DeGeneres for ordering me

09 [tie] Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart for pizza is love

07 Jennifer Lawrence

06 Jared Leto who had for too long forsaken my brothers and sisters.

05 Julia Roberts you have worshipped her megawatt smile but I have known it intimately.

04 Chiwetel Ejiofor who I voted for for Best Actor; and none for you Matthew McConaughey

03 Brad Pitt who so lovingly passed out the paper plates which did cradle me in those final moments and who held me so gently as his perfect teeth pulled desperately at my cheesy surfaces. I didn't mean to resist; I just wanted the moment to last forever.

02 Kerry Washington to provide sustenance to your unborn!

01 Meryl Streep who is the best at everything. Including devouring me. 

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Red Carpet Lineup: Oscar Beauties, 86th Edition

We're almost done! Only 35 more Oscar posts before w--- No for reals though we have to talk about fashion at least briefly. There sure was a lot of granny froufrou beading fussy texture on trend this year, huh? Which works on some people but not everyone. And weirdly it doesn't work at first and then totally works by the end of the evenin on some people. By some people I mean the happy Blue Jasmine twosome, whose gowns worked really well once you saw them all snuggly together in their seats. 

SUPPORTING LADIES FIRST

America's Sweetheart 90s Edition, Sally, America's Sweetheart 10s Edition, Sensation, Squibb

I think Julia Roberts should've gone younger/sexier to combat the visual drabness of the Barbara role in August and because Jennifer Lawrence, red hot, has already stolen her Sweetheart crown (in fairness Julia abdicated the throne after her Oscar win so no one really took it from her). Sally Hawkins! (Why do I feel like her bohemian signature characters Ginger & Poppy both would not approve of what their creator is wearing?) I was going to do a poll of best dressed but I figured Lupita Nyong'o would get 100% of the votes making it the most boring poll of all time. I know this is June Squibb's favorite Christmas Party Dress getting a surprise airing in March. 

BEST ACTRESS - AKA FOUR OF THE MOST POWERFUL WOMEN IN THE BIZ

5 Times, 18 Times, 6 Times, 2 Times

Judi Dench never shows. Do you think she watches overseas?

Amy Adams has never looked better and that dress was so tight that visual effects were employed to show her jumping up to dance with Pharrell in it. Because: impossible. Meryl Streep with a little off the shoulder glam. But white blouses are risky when you're eating pizza. Cate Blanchett looking like an ethereal elf quee... hey, wait a minute. And Sandra Bullock also looking sensational. The Best Actress shortlist did the red carpet proud.

But which among them wins your "best" votes. Tough call. right? 

Stage Door: Is Kelli O'Hara Obsessed with Best Actress Losers?

Here's Jose to talk about a currently odd Broadway trend.

People like to complain about the movies running out of ideas, with only remakes and sequels in production. But the stage is no different.

Here in New York, Times Square can fool you into thinking you've fallen in a time vortex which has dropped you back in the mid-90s. Billboards for Broadway shows adapted from 1990’s movies are all over the place (The Lion King, Aladdin, Kinky Boots) and two of the newest and biggest are for Bullets Over Broadway (which starts previews next week!) and The Bridges of Madison County. The latter makes me ponder the peculiar choices of its leading lady Kelli O'Hara. Is she secretly a cinephile or actressexual?  

More after the jump (help us guess what Kelli will star in next!?) 

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