Goodbye Dad.
Monday, May 28, 2012 at 2:01AM For those of you who wondered why the blog has been dark, my father passed away suddenly. I've been spending time out west with my mom. This is one of my favorite photos of my parents, which I found on an old ektrachrome slide. They were married in December 1960 and this picture, taken sometime that decade, predates my existence altogether! I think it's maybe even before they had any kids (I'm the youngest of four) but perhaps my sister was around.
My dad and I were never "close" per se though he was surprisingly supportive of most of my artistic endeavors paying for art classes and congratulating me on writing successes. We disagreed on virtually everything but particularly politics and movies.
He was not, in fact, a fan of the cinema and often grumbled about my nonstop chatter about the artform. Once when I was a teenager he was so frustrated that he banned movie talk at the table:
No talking about movies during dinner!"
I credit this inexplicable then-hurtful ruling with creating the monster you know now. (Teenage rebellion's silver lining!) Despite my Dad's resistance to the movies, I loved to yank information about his movie feelings when I could.
The first movie he remembered seeing was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (recently revisited right here) in *gasp* 1938 in the movie theater when he was all of 7 years old. My parents took us kids to movies in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up but they were usually of the Disney or science fiction variety. (My parents liked Star Trek a lot, a fandom gene that was not passed on to me.) Dad didn't mind being dragged to Oscar-Bait movies, especially historical epics (He liked Amadeus if I recall correctly), but the Oscar movies were always my idea. He hated Woody Allen, Jane Fonda and Marilyn Monroe (three of my favorites as a baby film buff... naturally) and pretended to not know who any movie stars were when I would talk about them. "Who's Meryl Streep?" "Who's Brad Pitt?" He had a bizarre fondness for The Gods Must Be Crazy and a more common fondness for John Wayne. The only thing he might have passed down to me movie-wise is the dread of arriving late to the screening.
The only movie I ever heard my father wishing into existence was Wendy & Richard Pini's Elfquest though it never came to pass. He loved the graphic novels (which I brought home one day on a whim) and my siblings and myself delighted in the strangely obsessive way he latched on to them...'He only loves guns that much!' I bought him replacement copies one Christmas when I noticed the binding falling apart.
The ship of dreamsThe last movie I remember seeing with my Dad was Titanic (1997) since I would force movie outings on the family when I visited for Christmas. He complained all the way to the theater but much to his surprise he loved it. He had nothing to say about Leo & Kate's romance which the rest of the planet was obsessing over but he went on and on and on about the historical accuracy of the details of the ship and the way it looked, filled, cracked, tilted, and sank. To this day I still feel gratitude to James Cameron for delivering such a mammoth Movie-Movie and cross generational sensation. It made me feel, however briefly one Christmas, much closer to my Dad.
Goodbye Dad (1930-2012)
RIP, Snow White, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Titanic
Reader Comments (152)
Losing a parent is always more painful than one imagines. Been there. Even if death is expected is always a shock.
My best to a great guy and journalist.
Mark in SLC
Thank you for sharing such personal memories; my condolences to you and your family.
i am really sorry for your loss. your movie memories of your father make me both sad and happy, which is exactly the feeling i take away from my favorite types of movies.
I, too, am sorry for your loss.
"My parents liked Star Trek a lot, a fandom gene that was not passed on to me."
:) Too bad it didn't pass on you.
So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Dear Nathaniel, I'm so sorry for your loss.
You made me crying with this post...
.. and, once again, with your faith in the astounding power of great cinema.
So sorry to hear this. My mother died a few months ago, and I was so grateful to my brother who was so articulate about it while I just felt mute. Your expressive tribute must be a great comfort to your family, to have someone in the family able to say what they are thinking.
Your father is now in a better place. Best wishes for you and your family
Thanks for sharing this touching post, Nathaniel. It made me realize that my father never went to the movies and it was my mother who made me the movie nut I am today.
I am sorry to hear about your father. I have some fond memories of movies and TV shows with my long-gone Dad.
Wow, what a moving eulogy. Sincerest condolences to you and your family. May your father rest in peace.
Sorry to hear about your dad Nate! xo
I'm so sorry for your loss Nathaniel. Hugs!
My condolences, Nate
I am very sorry for your loss, dear friend. As you can see, the thoughts of many friends are with you. Thanks for sharing the news with such a heartfelt post.
thanks so much for this Nathaniel, I am also not very close to my father so I totally get how you apreciate the little things that make us, for just a few momments, fell close and connected.
sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss.
My condolences to you and your family. You and your dad are in my thoughts.
You look so much like him. Condolences :(.
Nathaniel,
What a beautiful tribute to your father. I wish you nothing but happiness and good forture going forward. My thoughts are with you and your partner through this difficult time.
Saying goodbye to a parent is one of the hardest things to do, not just from your own perspective but also thinking about how you mother and his close long term friends must be feeling about their loss. Thank you for sharing such a personal moment in your life, and in such a beautiful and humorous way.
If you ever need to unload to a stranger fb me.
all the best and thinking of you and our family - immediate and extended.
So sorry for your loss Nat... This is a beautiful piece and a great way to remember him trough what you love doing.
Thats awful. I cant begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through, but I cant thank you enough of sharing this. Suddenly reminds me of the silly old movies, me and my parents might find ourselves watching.
So sorry for your loss and wish you the best.
Sad news. Enjoyed reading about your dad - thank you for sahring that. no one in my family has ever moved west of Pennsylvania. no one. NY, Mass, Md, NJ, CT. I am always intrigued by the cowboys hats and western looking garb. very foreign to me. of course, i am looking at your parents picture & wondering who could play them???? my condolences, hope you are doing OK.
I lost my father a few years ago, so just starting reading made my eyes wet. I'm so truly sorry for your loss, I know what you're going through. Big, warm hugs!
Sad news. Enjoyed reading about your dad - thank you for sharing. no one in my family has ever moved west of Pennsylvania. no one. NY, Mass, Md, NJ, CT. I am always intrigued by the cowboy hats and western looking garb. very foreign to me. my parents based our movie viewing on how the film was rated in the "Catholic Standard" newspaper - we were never allowed to see "West Side Story" because it was rated "C" - condemned. of course, i am looking at your parents picture & wondering who could play them???? my condolences, hope you are doing OK.
In the last few days I was thinking in my relationship with my father, even when we are very different too, I can say it's great every time we find we have something in common, sometimes it's old music, sometimes it's a movie, the fact that he saw Antonioni's Blow-up back in his days, was really a revelation, and some many other movies.
I love your tribute to your dad, because it makes me think more in my dad and the fantastic bond that is cinema. I hope that time comes with peace for you and your family. I missed your posts, but take all the time and care that you need, we all will be here, when you come back.
I'm very sorry to hear about that. My condolences!
Sorry to hear this sad news Nathaniel. Special people always stay with you.
Lovely and thoughtful post. My condolences, Nathaniel. I hope you are well.
Courage and hugs.
*virtual hug*
I'm sorry for your loss Nathaniel. That was a beautiful post, one of your best. I sort of envy him for getting to see Snow White in the theater. I'm glad he was proud of you despite your disagreements.
So sorry for your loss. That picture is great, you can see the resemblance. I'm glad you're able to be with your Mom right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss -- losing a loved one is a terrible ordeal. My condolences to you and your family.
terrible news =(
my deepest condolences for you and your family
Deepest condolences. And beautifully written, as always.
I'm very sorry for your loss Nathaniel.
Your dad gave birth to an extremely intelligent, talented and good-hearted son. That is a tremendous accomplishment for any person on this Earth.
My heart goes out to you and your family you wonderful man.
très joli post
RIP monsieur le papa de Nathaniel
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
Sorry for your loss.
Beautifully written. Thoughts are with you and yours.
My condolences, Nathaniel. Thanks for sharing this beautiful tribute with us.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Thanks to Mr. Rogers we have you and we can share our cinephile love. RIP Dad.
Sorry for your loss nathaniel! Beautiful post. May he rest in peace.
My father had a fondness for Gods Must Be Crazy, too. I wonder what it is about that movie. My sympathies go out to you and your family, N.
Beautiful tribute.
My condolances to you and your family.
That was a beautifully written essay. I have fond memories of watching films with my family at Christmas as well, so I was particularly moved with your mentioning of that time in your life. Best wishes to you in this difficult time.
A beautiful tribute. Sorry to read it. He left a great son.
You're a member of an elite club now. Only those of us who've gone through the experience of losing a father can really understand how deep the loss. My condolences to you and your family. Time does heal, but what a roller coaster ride of emotion and grief it is when it happens.