Goodbye Dad.
Monday, May 28, 2012 at 2:01AM For those of you who wondered why the blog has been dark, my father passed away suddenly. I've been spending time out west with my mom. This is one of my favorite photos of my parents, which I found on an old ektrachrome slide. They were married in December 1960 and this picture, taken sometime that decade, predates my existence altogether! I think it's maybe even before they had any kids (I'm the youngest of four) but perhaps my sister was around.
My dad and I were never "close" per se though he was surprisingly supportive of most of my artistic endeavors paying for art classes and congratulating me on writing successes. We disagreed on virtually everything but particularly politics and movies.
He was not, in fact, a fan of the cinema and often grumbled about my nonstop chatter about the artform. Once when I was a teenager he was so frustrated that he banned movie talk at the table:
No talking about movies during dinner!"
I credit this inexplicable then-hurtful ruling with creating the monster you know now. (Teenage rebellion's silver lining!) Despite my Dad's resistance to the movies, I loved to yank information about his movie feelings when I could.
The first movie he remembered seeing was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (recently revisited right here) in *gasp* 1938 in the movie theater when he was all of 7 years old. My parents took us kids to movies in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up but they were usually of the Disney or science fiction variety. (My parents liked Star Trek a lot, a fandom gene that was not passed on to me.) Dad didn't mind being dragged to Oscar-Bait movies, especially historical epics (He liked Amadeus if I recall correctly), but the Oscar movies were always my idea. He hated Woody Allen, Jane Fonda and Marilyn Monroe (three of my favorites as a baby film buff... naturally) and pretended to not know who any movie stars were when I would talk about them. "Who's Meryl Streep?" "Who's Brad Pitt?" He had a bizarre fondness for The Gods Must Be Crazy and a more common fondness for John Wayne. The only thing he might have passed down to me movie-wise is the dread of arriving late to the screening.
The only movie I ever heard my father wishing into existence was Wendy & Richard Pini's Elfquest though it never came to pass. He loved the graphic novels (which I brought home one day on a whim) and my siblings and myself delighted in the strangely obsessive way he latched on to them...'He only loves guns that much!' I bought him replacement copies one Christmas when I noticed the binding falling apart.
The ship of dreamsThe last movie I remember seeing with my Dad was Titanic (1997) since I would force movie outings on the family when I visited for Christmas. He complained all the way to the theater but much to his surprise he loved it. He had nothing to say about Leo & Kate's romance which the rest of the planet was obsessing over but he went on and on and on about the historical accuracy of the details of the ship and the way it looked, filled, cracked, tilted, and sank. To this day I still feel gratitude to James Cameron for delivering such a mammoth Movie-Movie and cross generational sensation. It made me feel, however briefly one Christmas, much closer to my Dad.
Goodbye Dad (1930-2012)
RIP, Snow White, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Titanic
Reader Comments (152)
i lost my mother just last april and it really was devastating for me. everything happened all of a sudden.
my deepest condolences to you.
i love your write up. really was heartfelt. brought me to tears.
I had to stop myself from crying. I'm sorry, Nathaniel. I'm thinking of you.
Beautiful and deeply moving write-up Nathaniel. I read this, this morning and you have been in my thoughts all day. I am deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your family will pull through okay. You are an inspiration.
102 comments-- that's approaching Oscar Night levels. I take it, Nathaniel, as an indicator of the passionate and talented young man that your father helped to raise and the closeness that we, your readers, feel to you. Many condolences to you and your family.
My sincere condolences to you and your family, Nat.
My condolences Nathaniel. Wishing the best for you and your family.
So sorry for your loss, Nathaniel.
Condolences Nathaniel, my thoughts are with you.
My deepest condolence, Nat.. Passing is never easy..Take care
What a lovely heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your memories with us...
I really enjoy your site, Nat, and wish you all the best!
Thought it might be something like that. It makes me think again of trying to square things between my own father and myself. As others have expressed, his efforts in bringing you to where you are now are appreciated by the greater film-blog community. Be sure to miss him from time to time. The missus and I will keep you and yours in our thoughts and prayers.
Beautiful words. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. Please accept my condolences.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard it must have been to write this post but it's beautiful and I'm glad you shared it with us. My condolences go out to you and your family.
This was a lovely tribute; my deepest condolences to you and your family. <3
I'm very sorry for your loss, Nathaniel. That was a lovely tribute.
I'm sorry for your loss, Nat. Your words and pictures are a beautiful tribute, though.
My sincere condolences, Nathaniel. Thanks for offering such beautiful remembrance. Sending love on your way.
You already have my condolences, but this was a lovely piece so I had to lend my voice to the chorus.
That's tragic news. I'm sorry for your loss, Nathaniel. I know all about a father that doesn't get your love of film, or doesn't entirely get you for that matter. But underneath all the misunderstandings and silences, the love is still there. That was a fitting tribute. Thanks for sharing it with your readers. Take care in this trying time.
An absolutely beautiful tribute, it must have been difficult but hopefully cathartic to write. My thoughts and love are with you and your family.
My condolences on your loss.
Beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss Nathan, touching article.
My condolences - beautifully written and thank you for sharing something so personal. The amount of comments clearly show the love for you and your work.
Beautifully written. So sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time. I am a huge fan of your site - I don't comment often, but I have been a follower for years! I know how tough losing a parent can be and I wish you and your family all the best.
What a touching blog, Nathaniel. My condolences to you and your family. Reminds me that when we feel distant from someone, art has the power to bring us together again, even for short while.
Thank you for sharing some private moments with us.
FYI--My late mother ADORED The Gods Must Be Crazy. Must be a generational thing...
Condolences for your loss Nathaniel.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Nat. Really wonderful piece. I still remember my family going to see Titanic as well with all of us loving it.
Much love and condolences to you and your family Nathaniel.
A lovely remembrance, Nat. My thoughts are with you today.
I hope you're able to take some comfort in those happy memories, they are so important when we lose those we love. I wish you and your family peace.
So truly sorry for your loss. Lovely photo and essay. Thank you for sharing.
My condolences and support to you and your family, Nathaniel.
My deepest condolences to you and your family. I hope these lovely memories, even of him acting irasicibly (which you seem to look back upon with amusement rather than with resentment, if I may presume) will grow fonder and brighter with the coming years. May your father rest in peace. I wish you nothing but the best of health.
Devastating news Nathaniel. So sorry. Much love.
So sorry, Nathaniel. May your father rest in peace and watch your successes from above!
Sorry to hear this sad news Nathaniel. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.
Very sorry to read of your father's death. Glad you are able to spend time with your mother. Thanks for sharing these lovely stories about your relationship with him. *hugs*
Beautiful post, Nathaniel. I'm very sorry for your loss.
What a great post. I'm so sorry, Nathaniel. My condolences to you and your family.
You and your family have my heartfelt sympathy. You provide such joy and interest on your blog I'm sure your father is proud. Bill
God bless you Nathaniel.
The heart does go on. Sorry for your loss.
Pedro
A lovely farewell... my condolences.
Lovely post. I wish you and your family the best during this time from the bottom of my heart.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You do go on, but you never do get over it. ((((HUGS))))
Beautiful write-up Nathaniel; I can't add anything beyond what everyone else has said here.
Nathaniel,
My belated condolences to you and your family.
I hope you're doing ok (or as about as ok as you can get) during this difficult time.
Be well,
Blinking
I´m very sorry for your loss.