Review: "Snow White and the Huntsman"

This article was originally published in my movie column at Towleroad

"Fairy tale revisionism" has been rapidly climbing the Hollywood idea chart. In the past few years we've seen Alice in Wonderland, Rapunzel in Tangled, Red Riding Hood, and Snow White in Mirror Mirror (reviewed here).  There are several more on the way including Angelina Jolie as Maleficent terrorizing Sleeping Beauty Elle Fanning. This weekend Snow White returned to theaters for the second time in three months. Her timing is apt since the apple-munching princess is celebrating her 75th big screen anniversary (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs premiered in 1937). Why so many fairy tales? Modern Hollywood thrives on branding so the more familiar the movie before it arrives the better. And what's more familiar than fairy tales?

Tale as old as time. 
True as it can be…  ♫

Oops wrong fairy tale. Regret to inform that Snow White and the Huntsman does not have a theme song sung by Angela Lansbury but let's borrow that song anyway as framing device. Snow White and the Hunstman does have a theme song but it's a less catchy dirge-like ballad. One of the seven dwarves coughs it out at a funeral until Florence and the Machine take over on the soundtrack as the heroes rise up against evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) in montage. 

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. If you can suspend your disbelief that Kristen Stewart is "the fairest of all them all" in a beauty contest with Charlize Theron, read on...

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Twins: "You and I... we're exactly the same"

Since we're celebrating twins until the stars move on from Gemini, I wanted to give a shout out to the figurative kind as well.

Due to sad circumstances offline I'm way behind on "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"  though I did watch Joan Crawford in Possessed recently to catch up. Crawford's camp icon status got me to thinking about the best camp masterpiece in the past 25 years, one that we already covered in the first season of the best shot series. (Showgirls is hard-wired into my neural pathways so it's very easy to access). The legendary so-bad-it's-good movie pits "Goddess" superstar Cristal Connors (Oscar-worthy Gina Gershon... and I'm 100% sincere) against naive crazyperson Nomi Malone (Razzie winner Elizabeth Berkley). Cristal insists repeatedly that they're one and the same, virtually identical. Nomi vehemently disagrees but the movie itself is in Cristal's headspace through and through.

The best shot from the movie? Cristal, Nomi, and Nipples after the jump...

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Divalinkious

Clothes on Film on every costume worn by Doris Day in Pillow Talk. Love it.
Felix in Hollywood Louise Brooks is looking at you.
Film Doctor on Dark Shadows. (Eek. I pforgot the promised pfeiffer pfriday posting). He says my pfavorite thing anybody has said about Michelle Pfeiffer recently:

America does not appreciate her enough... she deserves to be treated at least as well as France treats Catherine Deneuve

I've always felt the Deneuve/Pfeiffer comparison was apt. But the auteurs aren't biting or Pfeiffer isn't baiting. Deneuve, on the other hand who is 15 years her senior, is still making vital films for important directors. 

A New York Night *CONTEST* Sarah Jessica Parker is inviting you to her place if you win the contest to attend her Obama fundraiser. Yes, I entered. We need a sensible President and, more importantly, I need to be inside SJP's home!
Towleroad the Magic Mike pr blitz has begun. 
Time countsdown the 10 greatest movies made since the year 2000. Kind of an odd list -- very Oscar bestpicturey -- but lists are like pizza. Usually worth devouring even when far from satisfying. I'm in love with number•1

ways in which the upcoming Tonys are just like the Oscars
Gold Derby on the "precursors" the Drama Leagues. It may lock up the expected Tony wins.
Everything I Know... hates Ghost the Musical -- based on the hit movie Ghost (1990)-- and would like to remind Tony voters about about one of our Oscary pet peeves:

 I would like to remind the Tony voters that "best" design doesn't necessarily mean "most expensive" or "most complicated." Ideally, it would mean "design that works with the dramatic intent of the piece, enhancing the inherent effectiveness of the work, rather than hiding the fact that there essentially is no effectiveness." 

Amen. I haven't seen this musical but this is a standard awards group problem.

Oh what the hell. 2 more links to go.
My New Plaid Pants [nsfw] is always reminding me of hot things I've forgotten, like Game of Thrones' Nikolaj Coster Waldau doing Clive Owen in Bent (1997)
Rope of Silicon Ewww. what the hell with Matthew Fox's new body for Alex Cross. He plays a serial killer. (If you believe the movies, serial killer is practically as common a profession as waitressing!)

'April Foolish' Oscar Predix In All Categories But...

...Best Actress.

I know. I know. I'm like those annoying repetitive "coming up on _______" interstitials which tell you what you're about to see about 20 times before you actually see it. But these Oscar charts are lots of work, y'hear? So don't only read the Best Actress page (yes, it's the most visited Oscar page. Always). Read them all. There's not much text yet (time constraints but the charts are up. Wheeeee

Here are twelve pressing questions about the five new Oscar chart pages for this film year

The first teaser poster for Les Miz embraces the original stage sensation logo and promises "THE MOTION PICTURE EVENT OF 2012". Can it deliver on all this promise?

BEST DIRECTOR 

• Can Tom Hooper win a second Best Director Oscar with film number three? That seems unlikely even if Les Misérables pushes all the Oscar buttons; multiple director wins in tiny time frames are not unprecedented, just rare.
• Or am I barking up the wrong tree and is it Kathryn Bigelow who'll be gold hunting again with the Osama hunting actioner Zero Dark Thirty?
• Don't you think Ben Affleck becomes more of a Clint Jr. threat each year? Can he find a place with his true story political thriller Argo?
• Can David Cronenberg, a director's director if there ever was one, ever find a way to win Oscar traction? It's not like outre auteurs are always ignored.   

BEST SCREENPLAYS 

• My statistics as an Oscar pundit over the years prove that Original Screenplay is one of the toughest categories to predict a year early. So much depends on critical response. Do you think I'm on the right track here with Brave, Hyde Park on Hudson, Imogene, The Master and Seven Psychopaths or is that too many potential critical darlings in one category?

•What do you make of Life of Pi's chances in Adapted? Or any category for that matter. 

MUCH MORE AFTER THE JUMP

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Review: "Mirror Mirror"

This review was originally published in my column at Towleroad.

Once upon a time there lived a director with big canvas visual ideas. He would stretch them across just about any surface and start painting. Serial killer craziness (The Cell), muscle queen mythology (The Immortals), and uncategorizable period fantasy (The Fall) were all fair game. Any topic would do including a comic spin on Snow White because why the hell not? 

His name was Tarsem Singh or Tarsem or Tarsem Singh Dwandwar or Tarsem Dwandwar Singh because he could never settle on a signature. He would halfheartedly skim screenplays until inspiration struck. Once the spell was cast, he'd toss the script into the fire, chug absinthe, and speed dial Eiko Ishioka. He'd sketch until the last of the words had turned to ash and only his drawings remained*. The end. 

*not his real process.

Whether you live happily ever after from watching his movies depends on what you go to the movies for. [Continue]

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