"Me Tarzan. You.... wait."

You are forgiven if you've forgotten that they're making another Tarzan picture. Hell, your host forgot it and he's kind of more into Tarzan flicks (leftover childhood obsession) than anyone he knows. The film is currently slated to open wide July 1st, 2016.

This is not a still from the film. This is Nathaniel goofing around in Photoshop

We first heard about Alexander Skarsgård's involvement almost exactly three years ago. A year later there were still casting dramas but we eventually ended up with the new Jane (Margot Robbie) and the villain (eventually Christoph Waltz... because we've never seen him do European villain before. sigh) and eventually filming happened and then the producer Jerry Weintraub died and then the director David Yates departed during lengthy postproduction to start on the new Potterverse franchise and test screenings didn't go well making its $180 production budget look more dangerous than alligators and stampeding elephants. Basically there are lots of "Tarzan's in trouble" rumors.

Will they finish it in time? Do you care? Will the deliciously exhibitionistic Alexander Skarsgård do the iconic role proud? So many questions. Stay tuned. 

Alexander/Alexandra

From the "We Nearly Forgot To Mention It And What Is Wrong With Us" Folder:
Alexander Skarsgård, currently untethered to a particular role/screen persona post-True Blood, came to the premiere of The Diary of a Teenage Girl (opening tomorrow) in drag. For reasons we know not...

Click to read more ...

Hello Linky

In Contention talks to Saoirse Ronan about Grand Budapest Hotel, How I Live Now and acting for Ryan Gosling
DP/30 Chiwetel Ejiofor from 12 Years a Slave
Instagram James Franco's 'all the kids are doing it' selfie. (I love seeing celebrity mirror shots because that's how they see themselves. Ever notice how different you look in photos -how other people see you- versus how you look to yourself in the mirror?)
The Hollywood Reporter TIR wins the top prize and Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club) and Scarlett Johansson (Her) the acting awards at the Rome Film Festival

In Contention doublestuffed Oscar season coming at'cha
Pajiba on the highest grossing black directors. I expect Lee Daniels will keep moving up this list since he's prolific.
Coming Soon the German trailer to a new animated Tarzan

Off-Cinema
Playbill Carol Channing and Justin Bond for a little Hello Dolly 50th anniversary special? YES PLEASE
Salon are confused earnest celebrities the best at Twitter?
Variety Spider-Man Turn Off The Dark will (finally) close on Broadway in early 2014
Television Blend Arrow could lead to The Flash getting his own tv series. (I wish I liked this show but I've given it more than a fair try and it's dull/lame.)
Towleroad Warren & The Bening's son Stephen is so adorable (and totally looks like a blend of them if you ask me). Good for him becoming a reliable trans activist these past couple of years.

Today's Watch
The artist Anders Ramsell has "paraphrased" Blade Runner (his words) with 12,597 paintings. 

I've done nothing with my life!

Percussion. Strings. Winds. Links

For Musical Nerds
BuzzFeed definite proof that The Little Mermaid's Prince Eric was a homo 
The Exploding Kinetoscope best words I've ever read about Judy Garland's For Me and My Gal
Pajiba more of those new photos from Into the Woods

Miscellania
Sillof's Workshop look at these AMAZING custom toys, If Dr Seuss wrote Jurassic Park
Grantland Mark Harris joins me in my eternally losing war against Category Fraud (this time with Daniel Brühl in Rush) and talks Enough Said, too 

The Film Doctor five notes on Sofia Coppola's The Bling Ring, now on DVD
L Magazine see, I'm not the only one that thinks Cuarón's Gravity is a disappointment!
/Film wait they're making Fargo into a TV series and it's the William H Macy role that's the lead? Don't they know that people loved that movie because of Chief Marge Gunderson?

Elephantitis
Finally, MNPP reminded us that we can all get our Alexander Skarsgard loincloth dreams back on since his Tarzan flick is no longer (apparently) in development hell. Word is that Christoph Waltz is the villain now. Many will greet this as very good news but this makes me sad. It's not that Waltz isn't a good actor but remember how lame it was the last time he was a threat to pachyderms?

Who wants to go back to there? I do not. And I even kinda liked that movie more than most but Waltz was not the why. How about a few more surprises in casting, Hollywood? Aren't there literally a hundred famous actors in Waltz's age range that might be a fun curveball as the villain? But instead we're going to get somebody who already abused elephants. (sigh)

Can you picture Jessica Chastain swinging on vines? Who else?

Though I think it's curious that the internet leaps so feverishly on to each casting wish as if it were reality, I feel we should discuss the latest speculative thing going around.

I made this. My apologies to Vogue Italia for repurposing their gorgeous image of Jessica

Yes, Jessica Chastain is "said to be the first choice for Jane" in that new Tarzan movie that might star Alexandar Skarsgård that I've talked about before to little interest from you. I think maybe you had to grow up with Tarzan movies playing in syndication on the TV to care? I did and come what may, I like Tarzan anything in an instant nostalgia kind of way.

But back to Jessica. Being first choice and being interested are two extremely different things and I'd be willing to bet she's "first choice" for about 70% (am I lowballing it?) of the screenplays out there with a female lead OR supporting role for a woman in her early to mid 30s. I mean think about it. Hollywood producers get VERY fixated on certain people despite there being an abundance of talent from which to choose. She's about to turn 36 but reads more like 30, don't you think? She is a) gorgeous b) a fine actor c) incredibly versatile d) obsessed over as the next big thing that isn't Jennifer Lawrence who she's not really competing for roles with anyway and e) she's probably cheaper to cast still (for maybe 5 more minutes) than the more established stars in her age bracket. The only reason I think this might happen despite it sounding ridiculous is that there is apparently three of her she finds time to do so much.

Chastain probably loves all of these actresses she's so generous of spirit

Can you picture Jessica Chastain swinging on vines in a loincloth? Would you like to? I think she'd be a dynamic visual match with Skarsgård but the Jane part can be such a wash if the screenplay isn't good. And as for her competition, this begs the question

Exactly who is her competition these days (not for "Jane" but in general)?

Headliners in her age bracket (ages 30-36) in alpha order
Blunt, Dunst, Hathaway, Gyllenhaal, McAdams, Portman, Williams... there are a ton of major stars now in their late 30s -- Theron, Adams, and many more -- but I just wanted to limit this or I'd be researching all day
Less famous and/or less prestigious (at the moment) but probably on long lists for the 30-36 age bracket
Atwell, Collins, Cornish, Garai, Green, Hall, Harris, Kruger, Marling, Miller, Munn, Pike, Rapace, Reilly, Sagnier, Saldana, and Riseborough

Chastain can't do every movie... even if there's three of her! Who would you love to see snatching up the opportunities she passes on? Which of her headline competitors would you like to take roles from and give to Jessica?