Red Carpet Globes Pt 1: Lisbeth is Wednesday

Last week on Red Carpet Convos, Joanna and I were trying on gowns; I borrowed Penelope's (don't judge) and she wore Evan Rachel's.  This week Kurt and I gawk at the Golden Globes but alas, there's no word on which of these dresses Joanna would wear.

Nathaniel: Welcome back to Red Carpet Convos, Kurt. This was meant to be a three-way but Joanna had a fashion emergency off stage of some sort. She's here in spirit and promises to return!‬
Kurt:  A Wardrobe malfunction, naturally.‬ 
Nathaniel: ...which very few ladies were actually having on the Globes red carpet. Everyone (well almost everyone) was so put together. Let's start with Best Actresses of Yore.

Miss 2005, Ms 2008, Dame 2006, Double Dipper 1988 & 1991, and Mrs 2002

poll by twiigs.com

‬

Kurt:  ‪Reese gets my Lazy Trophy of the evening. ‬Between the dress and that wind-blown hair, she looks like she's shooting Bridesmaids 2...in Chicago.
Nathaniel:  ‪Lazy is an odd adjective for Reese since her signature roles are so go-getter ambitious but career-wise and fashion wise. Okay, maybe.‬ 
Kurt:  ‪Yes on go-getter, but doesn't this outfit feel grab-and-go?‬
Nathaniel:  ‪I feel the same way about Kate Winslet since she's been doing only black and white for, what, four years now? Her walk-in s like hitting the "desaturate" button on Photoshop. But she looks sensational anyway.‬
Kurt: I'm with you. It's "matronly" as all the fashion cops have no doubt screeched, but she just looks so beautiful. I even like the clutch, i mean "trophy placeholder"
 

Nathanile: Hee. Hey, trophies are the best red carpet accessories. Did you hear Helen Mirren doing the voice of Becky on last night's Glee?‬ 
Kurt:  ‪ha! no! the boyfriend and i missed Glee. we watched Stage Beauty, with Claire and Billy Crudup.
Nathaniel:  ‪My deepest apologies. You're still functional this morning?‬ 
Kurt:  ‪hahaha...aw. yes, it's a mess. but in terms of sexuality, i had fun.‬ 
Nathaniel:  ‪That sentence out of context! Watch...

in terms of sexuality, i had fun.‬ 
-Kurt 

Kurt:  ‪omg indeed‬. whoops. But back to this damn dame. Regal as always. Definitely red carpet MVP year in year out‬

Yes, she did!Nathaniel:  I think Jodie wore this color for her first Oscar win? Anyway, it's my favorite color on her. 
Kurt:  ‪I do like Jodie's outfit; however i keep getting, A Fish Called Jodie‬ 
Nathaniel:  ‪A Fish Called Jodie. Now I am imagining Jodie seducing Jamie Lee Curtis ...in French.
Kurt: It could happen.  I know everyone loves nicoles dress, but, bless her, she's such a perennial offender for me. and this number looks like her kids glued macaroni all over it
Nathaniel: Wrong. Jodie and Nicki Kidman Nicki Kidman both look like the movie stars they are. Or were...? The weirdest thing about winning an Oscar is sometimes how much it's like a cliff face rather than a peak.‬ Not for these two in particular. I'm just thinking aloud. Sorry, let's call it the ‬‪Susan Sarandon effect when Oscar is like The End. Mabe I'm only thinking of her because she used to favor the peekaboo cleavage that Kate is blessing us with.‬ It's for ladies that are proud of their racks.‬ 
Kurt:  ‪yes. more on Madonna later‬ 
Nathaniel: HA! So when I was assembling that "previous winners" lineup i kept wanting to including Laura Linney, Glenn Close and Julianne Moore but then had to remember. Statue Repellent!‬ 
 

Kurt:  ‪Poor Julianne...

Psychotic Agent, Silent Actress, Perpetual Loser, Perfection, YELLOWWWWWWWW

MORE AFTER THE JUMP

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When the Globes Cut To Commercial...

One of my very favorite things about the Golden Globes is the scan of the crowd whenever they're cutting to commercial or returning. You feel like you're in the room, mingling. Or, rather, gawking. You catch little glimpses of conversations ("they know each other?!?"), unofficial screen reunions (Colin & Julianne!), and you end up pondering the sometimes amusing seating arrangements. For instance, Madonna and Meryl Streep, once vocal rivals over Evita (1996), were separated only by Meryl's dutiful husband Don Gummer who never seems to enjoy these things. At one commercial break Madonna was seen gabbing away. He said not a word. 

Here are some of my favorites shots from the evening.

Zooey Deschanel has her thumbs up for Ryan Kwanten. Whatever for? Care to make a guess? I immediately made a false memory that she had actually played Lizzy Caplan's role on True Blood. If you squint they do look kind of alike and imagine what Zooey could do on V.

Laura Linney has either been demoted to the TV section, that outer elevated rim, or she was running about visiting. But she and Charlize obviously like each other. There will  be enthusiastic hugging and kissing.

Viola was extremely eager to get her Moet refilled (wouldn't you be?). Octavia is probably looking off into the distance but it's fun to think that's she's all "slow down girl! You haven't won yet!" 

[sniffle]

three more after the jump including two Marilyns

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Blue Moments With Jodie & Fassy

Was it just me or was last night's Golden Globe ceremony less gold than blue? (It was even unfortunately brown what with all the references to Bridesmaids poop jokes). "Blush" was both a red carpet trend and something that stars were having to do.

The evening literally began with a beaver joke and ended with a dick gag. Both Jodie Foster and Michael Fassbender were good sports about the below-the-belt ribbing but what the hell did they spike the drinks with last night?

Jodie's Beaver
Ricky Gervais set the bawdy tone kicking off with a joke that seemed to be about Mel Gibson (he wasn't allowed to talk about him) but morphed into a much better one about Jodie Foster. He can't mention Mel Gibson...

Especially not Jodie Foster's Beaver. I haven't seen it myself. 

I've spoken to a lot of guys here. They haven't seen it either.  

...But that doesn't mean it's not any good!

One of the talking dumbheads at E! after party actually thought that was a joke about Jodie still being hot after birthing two children. Oh no, honey, no. That's not what the joke was about. 

Elton John did not think this joke was funny in a subsequent cutaway -- though he knew what the joke was about -- but he had a permascowl on his face throughout the evening, only smiling when Morgan Freeman interrupted his own speech to say "Hi Elton"

Fassbender's Frontal
When Clooney won Best Actor, He gave a beautiful shout out to his friend and former co-star Brad Pitt before going straight for the Fassbender dick jokes, even pantomiming a golf swing without a golf club.

Also you get to meet a lot of other wonderful young actors.  I met -- I'd like to thank Michael Fassbender for taking on the frontal nudity responsibility that I had.

Really Michael?  Honestly, can you play golf with your hands behind your back?

Go for it man, do it. 

George, George, George... 

Surely that was as good as a $100 million blockbuster for upping Michael Fassbender's Q Quotient round the world. 

Morning After. Three Globey Flashbacks, One Winners List

1. Miss Golden Globe y'all.

It's Andie Macdowell's daughter Rainey Qualley. She totally did a great job, directing traffic with those arms like she was born to work on a tarmac guiding 747s to their gates. I mean this in the nicest possible way because some Miss Double Gs totally shirk their navigational responsibilities. She was just not having people stand in the wrong spot.

2.  Uggie is Made of Ham

Not only was he pulling focus during the Best Picture speech, he was also working the red carpet, with or without Penelope Ann Miller as Vanna White. I hope he's being compensated well.

3. Laura Dern, a skinny Christmas Tree with THE FACE on top.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Complete Winners List in case you missed it... I know I missed a few of these during the live blog.

MOVIES
Picture, Drama: “The Descendants.”

Picture, Musical or Comedy: “The Artist.”

Actor, Drama: George Clooney, “The Descendants.”

Actress, Drama: Meryl Streep, “The Iron Lady.”

Director: Martin Scorsese, “Hugo.”

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Jean Dujardin, “The Artist.”

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Michelle Williams, “My Week With Marilyn.”

Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, “Beginners.”

Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, “The Help.”

Foreign Language: “A Separation.”

Animated Film: “The Adventures of Tintin.”

Screenplay: Woody Allen, “Midnight in Paris.”

Original Score: Ludovic Bource, “The Artist.”

Original Song: “Masterpiece” (music and lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry), “W.E.”

TELEVISION

Series, Drama: “Homeland,” Showtime.

Series, Musical or Comedy: “Modern Family,” ABC.

Actor, Drama: Kelsey Grammer, “Boss.”

Actress, Drama: Claire Danes, “Homeland.”

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Laura Dern, “Enlightened.”

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Matt LeBlanc, “Episodes.”

Miniseries or Movie: “Downton Abbey (Masterpiece),” PBS.

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Kate Winslet, “Mildred Pierce.”

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Idris Elba, “Luther.”

Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story.”

Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Peter Dinklage, “Game of Thrones.”

Golden Globe-ing It. Live Blog

6:15 Welcome to the ???nth annual Golden Globes Live Blog. Now with more fever, saltines and ginger ale. I am sick so it is a rare Golden Globes without booze. Which should be illegal. (How to survive the Gervais Smug-a-Thon without a Vodka-Thon?) The first vision that greeted me was George Clooney of whom I am currently bored with (It'll pass), the second vision was Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy gabbing silently. At one point Melissa even cupped her hand to tell Octavia a secret.

I would've voted for you since I wasn't nominated!"

Maybe? 

6:31 Jessica Chastain all giggly and Celia-esque while talking to E! reporters. She even did cute little spins and hand flips to demonstrate her Givenchy. But the camera people and booth barkers at E! never ever take their meds. They pan up and down. They shift focus. They put one celeb in a tiny box while another poses. They 360º it. My head spins. And it's not from the sick.

6:39 Sarah Michelle Gellar let her two year old choose her dress. Way to armor yourself against the fashion police reviews. SMG's idea of good date night is IHOP. The more you know! 

6:40 Diane Lane looking like a movie star as usual. A movie star without movies, unfortunately.

6:47 My cat is howling. He is not impressed with celebrities or my sweatshirt and sweatpants and ginger ale ensemble. The other day he stopped in his tracks to watch the TV for a full 10 minutes which has not happened since Microcosmos. What paralyzed him with interest? A PBS show Birds of the God - Birds of Paradise. 

6:49 And no Monty has not told me what he thought of any of the Oscar movies since Bridesmaids He is like the Haley's comet of Oscar pundits.

6:52 Rooney Mara is truly terrible at being interviewed. But then Ryan Seacrest is asking her whether she kept her "intimate piercings" from Dragon Tattoo so it would take a sassy pro to deflect that and own the situation. She merely says 'some of them. I didn't want to have to repierce'. No no noRooney. You don't answer those questions. You deflect that either sassily, mysteriously, flirtatiously or... if all else fails, a  look that could kill. We know you have the latter in your arsenal.

poll by twiigs.com

 7:07 Bérénice Bejo has not seen The Artist in three months. #uselessredcarpetconfessions.

7:09 Commercial break. Starting to feel a bit better. Having fish for dinner. Cat howling to commence again in 5...4...3...

7:15 Charlize Theron needs to give every young starlet lessons in red carpet banter. She is so excellent at it -- even with laryngitis. MORE with Theron, Moore, Pfeiffer, Streep and the lot of 'em.

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