Belated Paychecks with America's Highest Paid Spokes-Actresses

"I threw my back out," is going to be my excuse for everything for next few weeks since I have rarely taken this long to recover! Anywayyyy, on Wednesday, Forbes released their annual list of highest paid actresses. Since the list also includes and ALWAYS reflects the kind of actresses that also promote beauty/luxury/leisure, it might more accurately be called the Highest Paid Female Celebrities Who Also Happen To Act. I mean... Mila Kunis is on the list again. Quick: when was the last time people lined up to see her headline a movie? Follow up Question: Yes, Bad Moms. But was it a hit because of her? I rest my case.

Forbes Highest Paid Actresses 2017

1. Emma Stone $26 million
   That reduced payday for a cut on La La Land really paid off since that movie was a half billion blockbuster globally
2. Jennifer Aniston $25.5 million
   Queen of Spokes-Actresshood. What doesn't she endorse?
3. Jennifer Lawrence $24 million
   Dior contract plus mother! and the forthcoming Red Sparrow

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Struggle Nation and "mother!"

MPAA "R" for language but it's also really funny. Check out these two guys watching and reacting to the mother! trailer [Thanks to Winston for the heads up]. It goes without saying that we co-sign the "don't show us the whole movie in the trailer!" complaints lodged at other movies (not this one). 

Favorite line is when they're talking about how evil Javier Bardem always looks

How the fuck you look evil next to Jennifer Lawrence? I'd be the happiest negro in the US of A.

We must also rejoice that the sight of Michelle Pfeiffer starts a whole debate about how some things get more delicious with age (though that does not include beer!)

The Tweets Are All Right

90s movie reference humor for the win

I've gotten some confusing messages about zombies recently, so let's clear this up: my story is Dead Man Walking, not The Walking Dead!

— Sister Helen Prejean (@helenprejean) August 10, 2017

After the jump Barbra Stanwyck, Christopher Nolan's "perfection," Evita's MPAA rating, two Indiana Jones references and more ...

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YNMS: Mother!

Jason from MNPP here with our first look at the trailer for Darren Aronofsky's Mother!, or as it's known around these parts That New Michelle Pfeiffer Movie! The exclamation point in the actual title definitely stands for "That New Michelle Pfeiffer Movie!" at least. It's been seven full years since Black Swan came out (I am pretending Noah didn't happen at this point, but perhaps I'll reassess it in another decade) and this feels, at first glance, like similar territory for the director. Watch:

So Jennifer Lawrence is happily partnered with Javier Bardem until Ed Harris and Michelle show up, at which point the walls begin to crumble and swarms of looky-loos come hustling out of the forest? I mean isn't that what happens whenever Michelle shows up somewhere? Let's "Yes No Maybe So" this sucker (and watch me have trouble coming up with the latter two!) after the break...

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mother! posters... who's next?

by Nathaniel R

Darren Aronofsky's mother! has now released two posters (which you can click to embiggen if you so desire). We already discussed JLaw's version (though they've changed the typeface) but now we have Bardem's. Once you start getting character posters you can usually assume more are on the way.  Since Lawrence's poster is earthy with the nature, and Javier Bardem's is fiery can we assume La Pfeiffer gets air or water?

Fair warning: if there is not a painted character poster for Michelle Pfeiffer, I'm going to burn Protozoa Pictures down.

(In related news I want to make out with whoever designed the new title font and I can't stop thinking about that teaser)