Unnecessary Sequel Alert: Queen White and The Huntsman

Well, last weekend's box office did it. Universal has OK'ed a sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman (reviewed right here). In retrospect, they really ought to have saved the current film's actual title for the sequel since Queen Ravenna (Charlize Diva Theron) is no more -- oops, Spoiler Alert!* -- and the film will now have no choice but to focus on the title characters. The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) is likely to steal focus but do we really need him as the lead? Quoth The Film Doctor:

...the huntsman of Snow, proves to be a rabble-rousing drunk corralled by the evil Queen to retrieve Snow from the Dark Forest.  A blank drunk he remains.  I couldn't see why he's mentioned in the title, or what he's doing in the film except to look handsome backlit by the flames of a nocturnal fishing village set afire by the Queen's henchmen. 

But it's gotta be the Huntsman because surely they'd never push their luck and attempt a Queen White movie. I mean eve Kristen Stewart's most ardent Twilight fans wouldn't be interested in seeing her governance of a fairy tale kingdom dramatized. She isn't Streep or Mirren!

Kristen's Dilemma

If the new/old fairy tale's fresh stack of money was so lonely that it needed a sibling in 2014 wouldn't a prequel have been far more compelling since it was Evil Queen Ravenna that acted as Human Defribillator for the arrythmatic film? Not that a prequel could claim "Necessary!" either given the amount of flashback scenery Ravenna already chewed through.

Still and all... try to imagine staying awake through Snow White and the Huntsman WITHOUT Charlize Th-- hello? HELLO? WAKE UP! You can't possibly be this sleepy this early in the day.

*I apologize to all toddlers reading who are meeting Snow White for the first time. The Evil Queen dies and Santa Claus isn't real.

Review: "Snow White and the Huntsman"

This article was originally published in my movie column at Towleroad

"Fairy tale revisionism" has been rapidly climbing the Hollywood idea chart. In the past few years we've seen Alice in Wonderland, Rapunzel in Tangled, Red Riding Hood, and Snow White in Mirror Mirror (reviewed here).  There are several more on the way including Angelina Jolie as Maleficent terrorizing Sleeping Beauty Elle Fanning. This weekend Snow White returned to theaters for the second time in three months. Her timing is apt since the apple-munching princess is celebrating her 75th big screen anniversary (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs premiered in 1937). Why so many fairy tales? Modern Hollywood thrives on branding so the more familiar the movie before it arrives the better. And what's more familiar than fairy tales?

Tale as old as time. 
True as it can be…  ♫

Oops wrong fairy tale. Regret to inform that Snow White and the Huntsman does not have a theme song sung by Angela Lansbury but let's borrow that song anyway as framing device. Snow White and the Hunstman does have a theme song but it's a less catchy dirge-like ballad. One of the seven dwarves coughs it out at a funeral until Florence and the Machine take over on the soundtrack as the heroes rise up against evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) in montage. 

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. If you can suspend your disbelief that Kristen Stewart is "the fairest of all them all" in a beauty contest with Charlize Theron, read on...

Click to read more ...

Box Office: Snow White and the Hulkman

Queen Ravenna and The Runaway as I prefer to call it seized the box office kingdom with ease this weekend. It helps when no other big movie dares question your right to the throne. Given that the last Snow White picture Mirror Mirror didn't open even half as well, it's left to us to wonder: What accounts for the fair princess's drawing power this time around?

Help us determine it!

poll by twiigs.com

Here's the estimated top ten (US) chart with discussables afterwards as to what people are spending their money on... and why.

TOP TEN 
01 SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN new $56.2 review tomorrow
02 MIB 3  $29.3  (cum $112.3)
03 THE AVENGERS  $20.2 (cum $552.7) Review
04 BATTLESHIP  $4.8  (cum $55.1)
05 THE DICTATOR $4.7 (cum $50.8)
06 THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL $4.6 (cum. $25.4) Review
07 WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING $4.4 (cum. $30.7)
08 DARK SHADOWS $3.8 (cum. $70.8) Review
09 CHERNOBYL DIARIES $3.0 (cum. $14.4)
10 FOR GREATER GLORY new $1.8

Drawing by NathanielDiscussables
• The Avengers has now whizzed past The Dark Knight and the last Harry Potter film to become not only the top grossing superhero picture of all time domestically and internationally but the highest grossing picture of all time not directed by James Cameron .. (both records *not adjusted for inflation*) . If you adjust for inflation its performance is still spectacular. It's just outgrossed the original Spider-Man (2002) and has only one superhero picture left to vanquish: The Dark Knight. It'll surely do so.

• Speaking of behemoths, The Hunger Games (reviewed) only just left the top ten list and is but one week away from reaching $400 million domestically. It'll be only the third movie to achieve that remarkable feat this decade after Toy Story 3 and The Avengers. 

• The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (reviewed) continues to show terrific gams, picking up more theaters each week and barely dipping in occupancy (which makes you wonder if it can manage an Oscar run of some sort at year's end?). I attribute this, at least in part, to Downton Abbey Maggie Smith Fever.

• Moonrise Kingdom had the best per screen average by far. But despite the collected star power and Wes Anderson's fanbase it's only in very limited release still.

What did you see this weekend? If it was Queen Ravenna save your breath. We'll discuss her tomorrow!

Goodbye Dad.

For those of you who wondered why the blog has been dark, my father passed away suddenly. I've been spending time out west with my mom. This is one of my favorite photos of my parents, which I found on an old ektrachrome slide. They were married in December 1960 and this picture, taken sometime that decade, predates my existence altogether! I think it's maybe even before they had any kids (I'm the youngest of four) but perhaps my sister was around.

My dad and I were never "close" per se though he was surprisingly supportive of most of my artistic endeavors paying for art classes and congratulating me on writing successes.  We disagreed on virtually everything but particularly politics and movies.

He was not, in fact, a fan of the cinema and often grumbled about my nonstop chatter about the artform. Once when I was a teenager he was so frustrated that he banned movie talk at the table:

No talking about movies during dinner!"

I credit this inexplicable then-hurtful ruling with creating the monster you know now. (Teenage rebellion's silver lining!) Despite my Dad's resistance to the movies, I loved to yank information about his movie feelings when I could. 

The first movie he remembered seeing was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (recently revisited right here) in *gasp* 1938 in the movie theater when he was all of 7 years old. My parents took us kids to movies in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up but they were usually of the Disney or science fiction variety. (My parents liked Star Trek a lot, a fandom gene that was not passed on to me.) Dad didn't mind being dragged to Oscar-Bait movies, especially historical epics (He liked Amadeus if I recall correctly), but the Oscar movies were always my idea. He hated Woody Allen, Jane Fonda and Marilyn Monroe (three of my favorites as a baby film buff... naturally) and pretended to not know who any movie stars were when I would talk about them. "Who's Meryl Streep?" "Who's Brad Pitt?" He had a bizarre fondness for The Gods Must Be Crazy and a more common fondness for John Wayne. The only thing he might have passed down to me movie-wise is the dread of arriving late to the screening. 

The only movie I ever heard my father wishing into existence was Wendy & Richard Pini's Elfquest though it never came to pass. He loved the graphic novels (which I brought home one day on a whim) and my siblings and myself delighted in the strangely obsessive way he latched on to them...'He only loves guns that much!' I bought him replacement copies one Christmas when I noticed the binding falling apart.

The ship of dreamsThe last movie I remember seeing with my Dad was Titanic (1997) since I would force movie outings on the family when I visited for Christmas. He complained all the way to the theater but much to his surprise he loved it. He had nothing to say about Leo & Kate's romance which the rest of the planet was obsessing over but he went on and on and on about the historical accuracy of the details of the ship and the way it looked, filled, cracked, tilted, and sank.  To this day I still feel gratitude to James Cameron for delivering such a mammoth Movie-Movie and cross generational sensation. It made me feel, however briefly one Christmas, much closer to my Dad.

Goodbye Dad (1930-2012)

Link Roll Call

Gold Derby has the complete list of MTV Movie Awards. As per usual it's a Harry Potter/Twilight party, crashed this time out by The Hunger Games. So YA.
Movie|Line interviews smashing Mark Ruffalo on playing The Hulk and Dance Dance Revolution with his castmates.
Hero Chan "The Birth of Venus Black Widow"
Incredible Suit massive difference between old and new Spider-Man movies demonstrated
My New Plaid Pants "do dump or marry?" The Royal Tenenbaums edition

Pajiba 10 actors who will never be nominated for Emmy no matter how much they deserve it. 
Guardian because all franchises refuse to die, they're thinking of resurrecting Dracula to star Tom Cruise as Van Helsing. Won't the vampire craze be over by the time they're finished? It has to be on its last legs now.
The Envelope Oscar is staying put in the same theater for another couple of decades. It is "Kodak" no more but now "Dolby" I believe. 
Cracked great behind the scenes photos that break the movie spell
Vulture April's best celebrity portraiture from Michelle Williams to Adepere Oduye
Awards Daily first photos of Nicole Kidman on set of Railway Man. Ugh, I hate when they make my fav goddesses frumpy for movie roles 

Finally, I heart this new poster for Snow White and the Huntsman. Oh please let the evil queen win!