"Cast This!" Box Office Special: Female Expendables?

Sylvester Stallone and his team of aged action heroes ruled the box office with their high-octane throwback The Expendables 2. The title is perfect because it's the kind of disposable flick you can imagine people watching half-assed for years on end on cable while eating, cleaning, making phone calls, taking a sick day, you name it.

Top o' the Box Office *newbies in bold*
01 THE EXPENDABLES 2 $28.7 
02 THE BOURNE LEGACY $17 (cum $69.5)
03 PARANORMAN $14 
04 THE CAMPAIGN $11.8 (cum. $51.6)
05 SPARKLE $12 ...more on this one soon 
06 DARK KNIGHT RISES $12 (Cum. $409.9) Review
07 THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN $10.9 

The Expendables franchise is weirdly sexist -- how can you have like a dozen action stars per movie (*stars* being a smudgey concept here once you're past the one name icons), many of them past their prime, and never include any of the women who've led or played a major hand in action hits in any decade? Yes, they exist! Word is out that the producers are planning on backing a female heavy edition of the franchise, a spin-off if you will. Why we're not allowed to have a co-ed Expendables I do not know. 

But let's help the producers out by casting it for them in the comments.
I'll start right here with six must-haves from Nathaniel's Crowded Actressexual Brain

• Sigourney Weaver -- seriously, if she's not already at the tippity top of the "throw money at her" list, they're imbeciles.
• Michelle Yeoh -- always riveting when she fights and a damn good actress, too.
• Linda Hamilton - Duh! Even her name is tough.
• Milla Jovovich - knows her away around an action scene and will get naked for your R rating
• Daryl Hannah - because she's an awesomely imposing amazon (think Blade Runner and Kill Bill) and doesn't get nearly enough work 
• Pam Grier - because think of the fun they could have referencing her fame-making work. Razors in an afro please! 

Once I got started I couldn't stop. I literally thought of 22 more actresses who would be perfect while collecting these photos -- like give me a scene of Run Franka Potente Run. Even if it's just a cameo! -- including recent action divas like Léa Seydoux (so very hawt in Mission: Impossible -Ghost Protocol or Kate Beckinsale (fresh in the brain on account of Total Recall).

But I don't want to hog all the fun. Which actresses would you line up to see in a huge dumb explosive ensemble actioner? Give me at least six of your favorite options, preferrably ten, ranked, in the comments. Maybe we'll revisit this once we have all your lists.

Ready... set... GO!

Same Link Time Same Link Channel

Matt's Movies Harvey Weinstein is talking up movies he had nothing to do with and is not distributing. "Is this some sort of reverse psychology marketing strategy?"
Towleroad a filthy gay love song for Joseph Gordon-Levitt 
/Film Anthony Mackie could be up for the Falcon role in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. We could end up with two Hurt Locker guys in The Avengers 2

Press Play has a smart piece on the new Sigourney Weaver Clintonesque drama Political Animals.
Salon on the "adorable nihilism" of Bunheads with Sutton Foster. I keep wondering if I should write about this show. Are any of you watching? 
The Advocate on Bollywood's problem with gay characters
Cinema Styles warns us not to be alarmed by all the media pieces telling us that today's generation doesn't care about old movies.

It's Batman's World...
Interiors Film Journal analyzes the physical space of The Dark Knight's opening bank robbery. I love the concept behind this monthly journal.
Joblo compares the five actors who've put on the bat cowl to date
Hello Tailor isn't excited about The Dark Knight Rises for Catwoman-related reasons and here's why...  

Remember a few years ago when I just couldn't stomach the absolute blurb whore hysteria for The Dark Knight and posted things like this which pissed people off.

 I'm having a slightly easier time with The Dark Knight Rises (at least until I see it) partially because I'm too busy to contemplate and fully absorb the "Greatest! Movie!! Of !!! All!!!! Times!!!! [sic]" (yes, even the 'Of' gets exclamation points because... hysteria!). The huge undulating waves of excitement and attendant mob with pitchforks anger towards brave dissenters have already started again. Cheeky Eric D. Snider posted a fake negative satirical review, which was pulled before I could read it but it apparently ended by acknowledging that he hadn't seen the movie and that he was conducting a social experiment. The  fanboys aneurysms proved his shooting-fish-in-a-barrel point. RT freaked out and banned him from the site. Death threats for an authentic  negative review by Marshall Fine and both sane and über self-serious handwringing over the fake one ensued.

It's gonna get crazier. Especially once Awards Season rolls around. Steel yourself Gothamites.

The only thing I care about is Anne Hathaway's Catwoman. Bring it Hathaway. But perhaps you should steer clear of La Pfeiffer on your way to brought.

gifs via

Review: "Rampart"

originally published in my column at Towleroad

Woody Harrelson hits movie screens with such galvanizing force in Rampart, you might be surprised that Hollywood didn't cower and hand him an Oscar nomination, trembling. It's getting harder and harder to remember that he first came to fame as lovable naive "Woody" on Cheers. His turn in Rampart is closer to that worldly carnality from The People Vs. Larry Flynt but drained of any subversive joy.

Woody is playing an obstinate corrupt cop named Dave Brown. Brown's moniker within the precinct is the not-so-charming "Date Rape" which he supposedly garnered from the killing of a rapist years earlier. It's a piece of street justice that he will neither confirm nor deny but it sounds entirely plausible given his disdain for legality.

When Brown is caught on tape beating a suspect, he's put on probation. The Rampart Precinct has abundant PR problems and Brown, who is loudly homophobic, xenophobic and racist ("I hate all people equally," as he explains it) is one of their largest ones. So begins his downward spiral. It's not just his dirty cop behavior. His personal life is even messier. Brown is an unrepentant womanizer and in addition to one night stands (Broadway wonder Audra McDonald in a memorable cameo) and randy lawyers (Robin Wright, sensational) he's still living with and sleeping with his two ex-wives (Anne Heche and Cynthia Nixon), who are sisters. The women he's not sleeping he's either purposely or accidentally antagonizing like his lesbian daughter Helen (Brie Larson from United States of Tara).
 
"How's school?" he asks her, remembering to play Dad.

"It sucks," she replies more exhausted than angry. "It's full of candy-ass future fags and dykes like me. Those are your words not mine."

more after the jump

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Q&A: Ryan's Harem, a SMG Triplet, & Streep/Close Duet.

Because I am super late in this week's (er.. last week's Q&A column) I'm answering more questions than usual. So let's get right to it. 

Ed: After Michelle Williams and Evan Rachel Wood, which actress under 30 would you love to see Ryan Gosling falling in love in the big screen?

I've been joking with friends (offscreen) that Ryan Gosling has basically made it his goal to bang every hot future Oscar winner in Hollywood (onscreen): Rachel, Evan, Kiki, Michelle, Carey, Emma. He's the envy of every straight and/or actressexual moviegoer out there. So pretty soon he'll have to get around to ANNE HATHAWAY, right? I'd be interested to see what he'd be like paired with Andrea Riseborough, Deborah Ann Woll (True Blood), and... Oooh... totally random also small screen that needs to be bigger: Katee Sackhoff! She's 31 (Ryan's age) but she never gets good roles despite so much screen presence and I'm imagining that they'd completely burn holes in the celluloid if paired. (Unless they were shot digitally of course.)

Andrew K: I've seen you mention, in passing, that X actor should campaign in leading instead of supporting and although you're usually referring to the despicable nature of category fraud I'm curious as to whether or not you consider a Leading Oscar superior to a Supporting One.

I do not. And I don't think anyone else would either if it wasn't so often used as a demotion just to get a nomination or statue for the big stars. But the combination of egregious widely-accepted category fraud, the use of supporting statues to honor novelty acts or entire movies instead of performances (you all know what I'm talking about)  and the natural human tendency to think being a movie star (i.e. lead) is better than being a character actor (i.e. supporting) have only strengthened this belief that a supporting Oscar is an inferior prize. An Oscar is an Oscar if you ask me.

Julian: Christina Ricci, under-rated or over-rated? 

Depends on who you're talking to. I'd say early Christina is underrated and contemporary Christina is overrated. I mean it when I say she should have three Oscar nominations already: Addams Family Values (1993 -- not joking), The Ice Storm (1997) and The Opposite of Sex (1998). She's still totally watchable and charismatic but there's some missing ingredient lately. Black Snake Moan seemed like such an ideal opportunity to wow again but she didn't quite elevate it. In Pan Am she just seems like window dresssing. Adorable and pretty and funny window dressing yes... but not much more. It seems weird to hire her and then give all the good storylines to the lesser known actresses in that show? 

Daniel: What´s your favorite musical? And song in a musical?

My favorite musical is West Side Story which had its 50th anniversary this weekend and I was so stressed out I forgot to celebrate it godddddddamnit. I've long thought about doing a top ten favorite song performances in musicals but I'm not sure I'd ever be able to narrow it down. It depends on the mood...

favored songs, TV soaps, and a Streep/Close switcheroo after the jump.

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Tuesday Ten: "Abduction"

Earlier today I got booted from an Oscar contender screening (Mexico's Miss Bala) that was over capacity. There was once this great thing called a "book store" (sound it out. I know it's unfamiliar) where it was easy to kill a couple of hours when you didn't have a laptop with you and something went wrong schedule wise. I've yet to find a suitable alternative so I went to the multiplex. The only movie starting at the right time to fill my schedule gap? ABDUCTION. I feel terrible about contributing to its box office gross but I will make it up to the cinema gods somehow (my first born child?). Don't judge me too harshly. I'm sure you've done something terribly terribly wrong in your life!

I'm opting to stay positive by listing... The Ten Best Things About Abduction

Best Trailer Screen Cap: Sigourney Weaver and Taylor Lautner with a huge black title card celebrating Sigourney Weaver covering his face. YES!!!

01 Sigourney Weaver has a fun entrance in one scene carrying a huge bouquet of balloons. 

02 At one point the villain threatens to kill all of Taylor Lautner's fans* on Facebook. (*okay he says "friends" but some people deserve to die.)

03 The star's girlfriend's eyebrows are more masculine than his.

04 In the movie's best stunt Lautner hurts his ankle and he remembers to limp for most of the rest of the scene. ACTING!

05 The movie hides the face of one key character the whole time but the lips were enough to give him away. Hi, Dermot Mulroney! Also: I will now fantasize that Dermot Mulroney did this for the money and was smart enough to put it in his contract that his whole face not be shown and thus associated with this movie. If Maria Bello, Jason Isaac, and Sigourney Weaver had all done the same this movie would have been very avant garde what with the entire adult supporting cast only shown through extreme closeups of lips and eyes.

06 The climax takes place at a ball game and I was able to reminisce about how good Moneyball is.

07 Maria Bello has this really emotional scene opposite a block of wood that questions its provenance "Are you my mother?" And she totally sells her love for the block of wood! "I'm not your mother but you are my son." That's what a damn fine actor she is!

08 It ended.

I tried to get to ten. I honestly did! 

It was terr-i-ble.